Splolmy

First of all, thank you for your comments to my last post. I have good news, I am out of my relationship with my ex user. I have tried talking to my family and friends but the most support I got and reassurance came from this site. You've helped me move on.

I'm posting this morning because i still have questions. my breakup was so quick, like a band-aid coming off. he promised to get help but when i tried to speak with him about his addiction, he wouldn't let me. I am not sure what triggered my choice to leave him but I did and he didn't seem to mind. this breakup has been so hard to understand. How can someone, who claimed to love me, just let me go? he seems to be fine with our breakup and partying like usual while i wondering what happened. I know I made the right decision but does coke kill your emotion and love?

i am moving on but some nights i can't help but wonder why he had no reaction when I told him I was leaving. he wasn't even home when I packed, I never even got to tell him goodbye. he found out I was done with the relationship because of a note I left him on his coffee table. I thought it was best to not talk, cold turkey! I'm naive...I know. shouldn't wait for a call from him but I can't help but think, the guy I met many years ago is still somewhere in there.

JOIE12

Spolmy ... I'm glad that you found us. Often friends and family cannot be of help with something that, well, frankly, scares the hell out of them.

I am sorry that you are going thru this but I give you credit for knowing that you needed to leave. It doesn't happen often, where someone leaves and stays away or that the addict lets them go so easily, but please take it as a favor and be proud of yourself.

Since addicts usually do not love themselves AND they are using mind altering drugs - they are incapable of being in committed relationships. You never know whom you're dealing with. One minute it is one mood, the next ... crazy.

I spent 3 years with my exABF. He began using H about 3 weeks after we met. He had begun using pills again and quickly turned to crack then H. He professed his love constantly but then there were things that would have driven any sane person crazy. It was a rollercoaster of agony. I stayed until I could no longer be around it or I would have lost my own life somehow. He died.

I can honestly say that I am not sure but hope that I would have been able to stay away. Avoid him or any contact. Ignore texts, calls, etc. I pray I would have but he was gone 1 1/2 hours after I left. I knew that was the possibility when I made the decision. I spent about a year accepting that outcome. Unfortunately, it happened. The main question that comes up still (after a year) is whether he really loved me.

There is no answer.
Time doesn't heal that part.
We learn to walk thru the pain and keep going because life can be such a blessing even when it doesn't seem like it.

I will never be a part of that mess again. No addictions. It taught me that I went where I should never have been. This is the one thing that I can say for sure - NEVER. No saving, no enabling, no codependency, no money, no compensating with food, paying bills, clothes and all that goes along with being addicted to someone who is addicted to anything.

It may hurt, and I understand that , but for sure, you are fortunate. Keep walking forward because backwards has nothing for you.

Keep coming back.
Try out a meeting in your area: Alanon, Naranon, CoDA
Check out the book or listen to the CD - Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

Just because the storm has somewhat passed, keep working on you, what happened and avoiding it in the future. Alert to the signs of addiction.

Hugs to you
Joie

Littlelight17

I can relate to you here. I think it's a combination of things. One reason being we get in the way of their high. They can go off and party more easily without us there questioning their behavior. Another reason why I think it looks as if it's easy for them to let go is because a part of them wants to let go so they feel less guilt when using. You may think him not reaching out means he isn't thinking about you, but I don't so. I'm sure he does, but when those feelings of guilt and regret set in its time to get high and forget for a while.

My break up is fresh too. We're doing the right thing. Hang in there!

Troubledsister

I can only reply on a sibling relationship involving Coke (crack) but YES it does kill their emotions and empathy. Their brain chemistry changes and that is definitely a part of it. I read a book recommended here " In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate, Md and there's a chapter or two on brain chemistry.

Sorry for what you are going through! It is painful and hard to comprehend the mind of an addict, but focus on YOU and you will see brighter days ahead.