engaged to an alcoholic
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
engaged to an alcoholic
hello, i'm new here. my boyfriend proposed to me in june after being together for 4 years. we've had our ups and downs like everyone else but always more ups than downs. he's 36 years old, a good man and comes from a fantastic family. he's the love of my life.
i knew he drank a lot when partying but i never realized how crippling and traumatizing the phrase "alcoholic" can be when you're suddenly faced with it. he started binging and hiding it from me and after experiencing withdrawal in October and feeling scared to death, he finally admitted to me what he'd been doing. he checked himself into a 28day program the next day.
I was floored. here i am, planning our wedding, and now our future together all of a sudden seemed impossible. He was sober for 4 months, and has relapsed under the guise of "experimenting with moderation". it's been a really rough time for me, and our relationship. I kicked him out for a few days because I just couldn't support him while he was active in his addiction. i don't currently know if he's drinking or not, but the arguing put me over the top- he was blaming me for throwing him out onto the streets, if he could just be home everything would be ok, yada yada yada. i know for sure he got drunk on 2 occasions and drank behind my back twice.
our wedding is 7 months away. i have done absolutely everything i can for him and i know it has to come from him in order to work, but, i'm feeling like i have no idea what to do anymore. my parents divorced when i was 5 years old and i feel like i'm putting myself in the position to repeat history. we don't have any children, but that was definitely part of our plan. i'm in therapy, he's back at AA, he's been to 3 meetings since i kicked him out and he's staying with his mother.
i'm doing my best to put this all on him and focus on myself, but it's not easy when i should be sending out save the dates!!! i know i can't throw out the words "what should i do", but i guess i'm just looking for some friendly advice, or maybe if anyone else has gone through this? in the 4 years we were together prior to getting engaged i truly didn't notice he was an alcoholic. now i'm blindsided. and terrified. i try to stay positive and put my faith in him but i know i don't want to relive this every few months. i try to remind myself that sobreity is new for him and this may take a while, especially with his sometimes hectic work schedule, but i don't want to suffer or worse, find myself filing for divorce with a small child in a few short years. i'd really appreciate any words of wisdom. i'm scared of how this disease may/will evolve in my fiancé. will he become a hateful and mean person? am i setting myself up for more heartbreak? will he give up and lose all the things that matter to him? should i get out now while i still have time?
i knew he drank a lot when partying but i never realized how crippling and traumatizing the phrase "alcoholic" can be when you're suddenly faced with it. he started binging and hiding it from me and after experiencing withdrawal in October and feeling scared to death, he finally admitted to me what he'd been doing. he checked himself into a 28day program the next day.
I was floored. here i am, planning our wedding, and now our future together all of a sudden seemed impossible. He was sober for 4 months, and has relapsed under the guise of "experimenting with moderation". it's been a really rough time for me, and our relationship. I kicked him out for a few days because I just couldn't support him while he was active in his addiction. i don't currently know if he's drinking or not, but the arguing put me over the top- he was blaming me for throwing him out onto the streets, if he could just be home everything would be ok, yada yada yada. i know for sure he got drunk on 2 occasions and drank behind my back twice.
our wedding is 7 months away. i have done absolutely everything i can for him and i know it has to come from him in order to work, but, i'm feeling like i have no idea what to do anymore. my parents divorced when i was 5 years old and i feel like i'm putting myself in the position to repeat history. we don't have any children, but that was definitely part of our plan. i'm in therapy, he's back at AA, he's been to 3 meetings since i kicked him out and he's staying with his mother.
i'm doing my best to put this all on him and focus on myself, but it's not easy when i should be sending out save the dates!!! i know i can't throw out the words "what should i do", but i guess i'm just looking for some friendly advice, or maybe if anyone else has gone through this? in the 4 years we were together prior to getting engaged i truly didn't notice he was an alcoholic. now i'm blindsided. and terrified. i try to stay positive and put my faith in him but i know i don't want to relive this every few months. i try to remind myself that sobreity is new for him and this may take a while, especially with his sometimes hectic work schedule, but i don't want to suffer or worse, find myself filing for divorce with a small child in a few short years. i'd really appreciate any words of wisdom. i'm scared of how this disease may/will evolve in my fiancé. will he become a hateful and mean person? am i setting myself up for more heartbreak? will he give up and lose all the things that matter to him? should i get out now while i still have time?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm so sorry you are in this position, and I'm glad you found us here.
No one can predict your fiance's future. Staying positive is good, but "hope" is not a plan. It could go either way with him. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, and not place your future in someone else's hands.
Postponing a wedding is not the end of the world. But legally binding yourself to someone and bringing children into a home with active addiction is devastating.
What would happen if you decided to put the wedding plans on hold for a year to see if and how he progresses with recovery?
No one can predict your fiance's future. Staying positive is good, but "hope" is not a plan. It could go either way with him. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, and not place your future in someone else's hands.
Postponing a wedding is not the end of the world. But legally binding yourself to someone and bringing children into a home with active addiction is devastating.
What would happen if you decided to put the wedding plans on hold for a year to see if and how he progresses with recovery?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
should i get out now while i still have time?
People put weddings on hold all the time. Your save the dates aren't even out. You are allowed to pause this to give yourself time and clarity before you march down the isle. Your wedding is not carved in stone - YOU can change it to make sure it is the right decision for you.
We have this sense of urgency and deadlines with our lives, and they are mostly needless. Why not wait 1 - 2 years to see if he is serious about recovery (that's how long it takes!) THEN make your decision. A lot can happen in a year or 2. Your future children will thank you.
No relationship is guaranteed NOT to divorce. Alcoholism certainly adds another level of risk, even if the alcoholic has been recovered a long time. 20 years later they could relapse, then again, any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. There is an amazing article on the Sober Recovery home page about inner conflict resolution.
I can't relay enough the value of just sitting and letting things be for a while. Get some help for yourself - partners of alcoholics that try to go it alone put themselves, their lives, their friends and family under undue stress. It affects us so negatively - even physically! Get some help for YOU - go see a counselor, hit up some alanon meetings - fill your brain and life with support any way you can get it - except from the alcoholic. They can't support themselves in a healthy way, so us expecting it from them is pointless, and very, very defeating.
Hang out here - there is so much wisdom, inspiration and support. You don't have to decide anything today. If your relationship is strong and healthy, putting the brakes on the weeding should not change anything.
Best to you - a relationship with an alcoholic is so painful, but a serious opportunity for growth for you!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
danri, welcome to SR. It sounds to me like you have your eyes wide open and are thinking realistically about what you'd be letting yourself in for if you married him now and things continued as they are.
You've gotten some good replies already; all I have to say is to read as much as you can here and perhaps look into Alanon for face-to-face education and support.
Postponing a wedding now at this late date will not be fun, but it is a drop in the bucket compared to what your life (and future children's lives) would be like w/an active A as a partner.
Wishing you strength and clarity, danri--keep reading, keep posting, keep coming back. You'll see your way clear in time.
You've gotten some good replies already; all I have to say is to read as much as you can here and perhaps look into Alanon for face-to-face education and support.
Postponing a wedding now at this late date will not be fun, but it is a drop in the bucket compared to what your life (and future children's lives) would be like w/an active A as a partner.
Wishing you strength and clarity, danri--keep reading, keep posting, keep coming back. You'll see your way clear in time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
Hi and welcome to the forum. For what it's worth, here's my $.02.
Postpone the wedding, step aside and see what unfolds. Let him tackle his alcoholism and deep rooted issues. Hold off on the save the date cards and let him focus on himself and you focus on yourself for a while. Perhaps, with more time, the answers you seek will come to you.
This is a moment in your life that's suppose to be blissful and wonderful and instead you're on the roller coaster ride from h&ll. Take all the necessary time you need to make the best decision for you.
Postpone the wedding, step aside and see what unfolds. Let him tackle his alcoholism and deep rooted issues. Hold off on the save the date cards and let him focus on himself and you focus on yourself for a while. Perhaps, with more time, the answers you seek will come to you.
This is a moment in your life that's suppose to be blissful and wonderful and instead you're on the roller coaster ride from h&ll. Take all the necessary time you need to make the best decision for you.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
Danri, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be hard to realize the future you were planning for is not quite what you hoped. I, unfortunately understand alot of these feelings. I am also navigating a freshly sober partner. He is out of a 6 week rehab for oy 2 weeks now. I cannot express to you how helpful Alanon has been for me. I have a long way to go, but this program gives hope and helps me carve a path. One of the best gifts I've got from the program is realizing that I dont have to rush any decisions. I used to think I had to solve all my problems immediately, but now I realize I dont. And its okay to even change my mind. The saying "one day at a time" has a whole new meaning. Take it one day at a time... you would be surprised how much circumstances and emotions change in 24 hours with 2 people (YOU and your fiance) in recovery. 🐢
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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danri.....I can relate to your situation by what I have learned....from my first failed marriage and my observation over life.....it is a universal truth---anything that is an issue prior to marriage, becomes an issue 10 times greater, after marriage.....
I always remember Lady Diana...who had misgivings about continuing with her wedding....after finding about his romantic liason with Camilla---he had just given Camilla (secretly) a piece of jewelry with a romantic message a few days before the wedding....
As Diana was confessing her fears to her closest family and girlfriends---.....They reminded h er that it was too late--because the towels had already been monogramed and many people had already made plans.....
WRONG!....they were so wrong!!!
Today, Lady Diana is dead as a result of having married him....and....AND, Charles is now married to the same woman he gave the jewelry to a few days before his wedding........
dandylion
I always remember Lady Diana...who had misgivings about continuing with her wedding....after finding about his romantic liason with Camilla---he had just given Camilla (secretly) a piece of jewelry with a romantic message a few days before the wedding....
As Diana was confessing her fears to her closest family and girlfriends---.....They reminded h er that it was too late--because the towels had already been monogramed and many people had already made plans.....
WRONG!....they were so wrong!!!
Today, Lady Diana is dead as a result of having married him....and....AND, Charles is now married to the same woman he gave the jewelry to a few days before his wedding........
dandylion
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by dandylion 
it is a universal truth---anything that is an issue prior to marriage, becomes an issue 10 times greater, after marriage.....
Here I am 6 years later. Yes, I have 2 beautiful children, but he's never been able to fully commit to recovery and face his issues. And it's only now that I have finally let the secrets out and decided to move on that I am realizing that I have spent our entire relationship living in a stress and anxiety ridden fog.
If you can, please confide in friends/family. I know it can be hard because we are afraid they will judge us if we make the decision to try to work things out. But my biggest problem was that I kept all of our issues inside and that made things way worse.
You won't be doing him any favors by ignoring his behavior and continuing on with your plans to get married. I wish I would have followed through on my ultimatums years ago and if I had, then perhaps STBXAH would have gotten his act together...then again, maybe not.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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I view alcoholism as a progressive disease left untreated the disease gets worse never better.
Look at this the same way as any other disease. If your fiancé was in treatment for another disease, wouldn't you postpone your wedding?
Look at this the same way as any other disease. If your fiancé was in treatment for another disease, wouldn't you postpone your wedding?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Another vote to postpone here..... the thing is that it's such a rocky path through recovery that there is no telling how it will go for you both. Personally, I'd want to see a year of working recovery & changed behaviors before I'd set a new date.
Despite all the reasons everyone pointed out above, the stress of planning the wedding itself is a lot to deal with - doing that along with the first year of recovery seems like an ENORMOUS undertaking. What will you do if he relapses again (or more than once) over the next 7 months? He hasn't managed a very long stretch of sobriety yet, with multiple relapses after only 4 short months, right? That's your benchmark for decision making right now - is it enough for you to plan a future with someone?
You have this many reservations about it all 7 full months out - what if things don't improve dramatically & you find yourself even more anxious & the countdown is just a couple of weeks or days & you're also thinking about all your deposit money & custom-ordered pieces that have been paid for?
You should ENJOY your wedding - even the planning! I'd want my partner to be committed to recovery before committing to me. Give al-anon a try & more than anything, give yourself time to make this decision. When in doubt, don't & usually, "more will be revealed" while you wait.
Despite all the reasons everyone pointed out above, the stress of planning the wedding itself is a lot to deal with - doing that along with the first year of recovery seems like an ENORMOUS undertaking. What will you do if he relapses again (or more than once) over the next 7 months? He hasn't managed a very long stretch of sobriety yet, with multiple relapses after only 4 short months, right? That's your benchmark for decision making right now - is it enough for you to plan a future with someone?
You have this many reservations about it all 7 full months out - what if things don't improve dramatically & you find yourself even more anxious & the countdown is just a couple of weeks or days & you're also thinking about all your deposit money & custom-ordered pieces that have been paid for?
You should ENJOY your wedding - even the planning! I'd want my partner to be committed to recovery before committing to me. Give al-anon a try & more than anything, give yourself time to make this decision. When in doubt, don't & usually, "more will be revealed" while you wait.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
You have gotten some pretty sound advice, postponing the wedding can be the best first step to take right now. The second step is to learn as much as you can about alcoholism, about addict behaviors and check out a local al-anon group for yourself. Third step, don’t make any commitments or reassurances to him or to the marriage down the road, just take life one day at a time.
Usually the alcoholic seeks those reassurances and will ask over and over again badgering you into an answer. This is why it’s so important for you to seek support for yourself and to help you make sound healthy decisions for yourself.
Only his ACTIONS never his words are what you need to believe. They lie, they manipulate and usually all in an effort to continue drinking/using as usually.
Some things you need to keep in mind moving forward.
Everyone else’s ups and downs don’t involve alcohol and or drugs.
This person’s alcoholism has grown in the 4 years you’ve been with him. When he was faced with the issue that his drinking was unacceptable he jumped into a rehab then only remained sober for 4 months.
The fact he chose to drink again while sober. …………..says, he’s not ready to give it up. Not ready to committee to sobriety………..so expecting him to commit to an honest and trusting marriage leaves a lot of doubt. If someone can’t commit to themselves – expecting them to commit to us or a marriage are some pretty high and probably unrealistic expectations.
Alcoholism is life long, it’s not cured with rehabs or meetings or sponsors, at best they achieve abstinence along with working a recovery program each and every single day for the rest of their lives. The disease doesn’t go away after years of meetings or therapy……….there’s a reason it’s called baffling and cunning.
See if you can find a al-anon meeting in your area and check out what it may have to offer to you.
Usually the alcoholic seeks those reassurances and will ask over and over again badgering you into an answer. This is why it’s so important for you to seek support for yourself and to help you make sound healthy decisions for yourself.
Only his ACTIONS never his words are what you need to believe. They lie, they manipulate and usually all in an effort to continue drinking/using as usually.
Some things you need to keep in mind moving forward.
Everyone else’s ups and downs don’t involve alcohol and or drugs.
This person’s alcoholism has grown in the 4 years you’ve been with him. When he was faced with the issue that his drinking was unacceptable he jumped into a rehab then only remained sober for 4 months.
The fact he chose to drink again while sober. …………..says, he’s not ready to give it up. Not ready to committee to sobriety………..so expecting him to commit to an honest and trusting marriage leaves a lot of doubt. If someone can’t commit to themselves – expecting them to commit to us or a marriage are some pretty high and probably unrealistic expectations.
Alcoholism is life long, it’s not cured with rehabs or meetings or sponsors, at best they achieve abstinence along with working a recovery program each and every single day for the rest of their lives. The disease doesn’t go away after years of meetings or therapy……….there’s a reason it’s called baffling and cunning.
See if you can find a al-anon meeting in your area and check out what it may have to offer to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Look, if he is your fiance and you already see all these red flags and have these dilemmas, do you really think it is wise to marry? Noone knows how his disease is going to progress. I understand you love the man, but when we marry, we have dreams and expectations, and if he is an active alcoholic, he has other priorities in his life. Please keep your head cool, make sure you educate yourself about the disease, make an informed decision, and do not marry in haste.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I hate you are facing this. I guess you have three choices: cancel the wedding, postpone the wedding, or marry a "drunk". At this point there is absolutely no way to predict when or if ever he will finally get sober. I think you should rationally base your choice on how you proceed on this simple fact. Let the decision be yours and don't listen to any blaming, shaming or cajoling. If he is going to get sober, he will do so with or without the marriage in 7 months. No matter how well he seems to be doing even, you have to accept there are no guarantees and it could be a long rocky road. I wish you the best.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You've gotten sound advice...there's only one consideration I would add and that is if you marry him, maybe keep in mind you're marrying your finances as well? Whatever you decide, keep everything financial as separate as possible? That way, if it all implodes, you will have far more options than if he has destroyed your financial situation,
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
The good news is, "just for today..." you don't need to decide anything or make any choices about your future. You can make dinner, call a friend, go do something for yourself or with your boyfriend. There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. You get to choose what to do for today. Tomorrow will be a new day. With reaching out for support, you'll find more hope, more ways to look at this, more ways to enjoy life whether you are with him or not.
That's one of the biggest gifts I've gotten from Al-anon. Choices. Where things used to seem black and white, now I more often see grey areas of possibilities.
Alcoholism is pretty predictable in that it always (eventually) gets worse without active recovery. Sobriety itself doesn't solve the problem. Relapses in early recovery are fairly common. Some keep coming back to their recovery program until it really sinks in on a spiritual level, some don't get that gift for a very long time, or ever.
Keep coming back. This is a safe place to hang out. I'm sorry for your troubles, but very glad you're here.
http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting
That's one of the biggest gifts I've gotten from Al-anon. Choices. Where things used to seem black and white, now I more often see grey areas of possibilities.
Alcoholism is pretty predictable in that it always (eventually) gets worse without active recovery. Sobriety itself doesn't solve the problem. Relapses in early recovery are fairly common. Some keep coming back to their recovery program until it really sinks in on a spiritual level, some don't get that gift for a very long time, or ever.
Keep coming back. This is a safe place to hang out. I'm sorry for your troubles, but very glad you're here.
http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
going forward with a wedding just because it's a date circled on the calendar should not be our motivation. a wedding is a few hours of one day, more like a stage production than anything else - BUT it legally and morally BINDS two people together.
HE has an addiction to alcohol. and it will get worse, unless he brings it to a FULL arrest and NEVER DRINKS AGAIN. that includes the champagne toast at the wedding........or on the honeymoon.....or the cruise,............or next Tuesday..........
and most alcoholics need SOME form of long term HELP in order to achieve 100% sobriety. to quit and then STAY QUIT.
please read around this site to all the stories of people who knowingly or unknowingly married someone with an addiction, and how that went. read around to the families with children that are now affected and damaged from this disease. getting married doesn't FIX anything. having babies is not a solution. anymore than a water balloon can stop an atom bomb.
HE needs time. and YOU need time.
HE has an addiction to alcohol. and it will get worse, unless he brings it to a FULL arrest and NEVER DRINKS AGAIN. that includes the champagne toast at the wedding........or on the honeymoon.....or the cruise,............or next Tuesday..........
and most alcoholics need SOME form of long term HELP in order to achieve 100% sobriety. to quit and then STAY QUIT.
please read around this site to all the stories of people who knowingly or unknowingly married someone with an addiction, and how that went. read around to the families with children that are now affected and damaged from this disease. getting married doesn't FIX anything. having babies is not a solution. anymore than a water balloon can stop an atom bomb.
HE needs time. and YOU need time.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Danri-please read my threads to get a taste of what life can be like with an alcoholic (or any others here). And having children with one. You don't have to make any decision right now-but at least make a decision with your eyes wide open. My worst fears-worst-came true. I married and divirced an alcoholic and hell is an understatement.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by danri
will he become a hateful and mean person? am i setting myself up for more heartbreak? will he give up and lose all the things that matter to him? should i get out now while i still have time?
But I know that the rational mind and the emotional one conflict a lot-- they did with me for a long time...
Im glad you are here and am sorry for your difficulties-- addiction is a terrible terrible thing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
i want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read through my topic and give me amazing advice. I spoke about this with my therapist tonight and I agree that a long term sobreity needs to be seen before we can proceed with a wedding. I spoke to him this afternoon and mentioned my thoughts and where i stand, so hopefully by this weekend we can meet face to face to discuss.
it's funny, i know someone mentioned finances, i've always been a "prenup" person because I own my apartment and my parents divorced when i was so young. after he told me about his alcoholism i knew i would want a prenup to include his disease in some way to protect myself.
re: Alanon, Can someone please explain this to me? I went to a meeting after he first went away to rehab and it was a horrible experience for me. I was distraught and I was desperate to learn how to be and what to do. I understand the basic ideals of controlling your actions and focusing on yourself, but during and after the meeting all the members basically told me to leave him- sharing their stories with me and telling me not to end up like them. I also noticed that during the meeting everyone was basically talking about their everyday lives and how the steps applied within. Are you supposed to speak about your person and how that's affected you, or is that more for personal therapy? I know I should just look for a different meeting and bounce around until I find one that suits me, but what should I be talking about once I'm there??
Also, again i'm new here- not sure if there's way to "tag" those of you who have replied to me to say thanks, and i hope you see this, but thank you so much. I really do appreciate your time!!
it's funny, i know someone mentioned finances, i've always been a "prenup" person because I own my apartment and my parents divorced when i was so young. after he told me about his alcoholism i knew i would want a prenup to include his disease in some way to protect myself.
re: Alanon, Can someone please explain this to me? I went to a meeting after he first went away to rehab and it was a horrible experience for me. I was distraught and I was desperate to learn how to be and what to do. I understand the basic ideals of controlling your actions and focusing on yourself, but during and after the meeting all the members basically told me to leave him- sharing their stories with me and telling me not to end up like them. I also noticed that during the meeting everyone was basically talking about their everyday lives and how the steps applied within. Are you supposed to speak about your person and how that's affected you, or is that more for personal therapy? I know I should just look for a different meeting and bounce around until I find one that suits me, but what should I be talking about once I'm there??
Also, again i'm new here- not sure if there's way to "tag" those of you who have replied to me to say thanks, and i hope you see this, but thank you so much. I really do appreciate your time!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by danri
i want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read through my topic and give me amazing advice. I spoke about this with my therapist tonight and I agree that a long term sobreity needs to be seen before we can proceed with a wedding. I spoke to him this afternoon and mentioned my thoughts and where i stand, so hopefully by this weekend we can meet face to face to discuss.
it's funny, i know someone mentioned finances, i've always been a "prenup" person because I own my apartment and my parents divorced when i was so young. after he told me about his alcoholism i knew i would want a prenup to include his disease in some way to protect myself.
re: Alanon, Can someone please explain this to me? I went to a meeting after he first went away to rehab and it was a horrible experience for me. I was distraught and I was desperate to learn how to be and what to do. I understand the basic ideals of controlling your actions and focusing on yourself, but during and after the meeting all the members basically told me to leave him- sharing their stories with me and telling me not to end up like them. I also noticed that during the meeting everyone was basically talking about their everyday lives and how the steps applied within. Are you supposed to speak about your person and how that's affected you, or is that more for personal therapy? I know I should just look for a different meeting and bounce around until I find one that suits me, but what should I be talking about once I'm there??
Also, again i'm new here- not sure if there's way to "tag" those of you who have replied to me to say thanks, and i hope you see this, but thank you so much. I really do appreciate your time!!
it's funny, i know someone mentioned finances, i've always been a "prenup" person because I own my apartment and my parents divorced when i was so young. after he told me about his alcoholism i knew i would want a prenup to include his disease in some way to protect myself.
re: Alanon, Can someone please explain this to me? I went to a meeting after he first went away to rehab and it was a horrible experience for me. I was distraught and I was desperate to learn how to be and what to do. I understand the basic ideals of controlling your actions and focusing on yourself, but during and after the meeting all the members basically told me to leave him- sharing their stories with me and telling me not to end up like them. I also noticed that during the meeting everyone was basically talking about their everyday lives and how the steps applied within. Are you supposed to speak about your person and how that's affected you, or is that more for personal therapy? I know I should just look for a different meeting and bounce around until I find one that suits me, but what should I be talking about once I'm there??
Also, again i'm new here- not sure if there's way to "tag" those of you who have replied to me to say thanks, and i hope you see this, but thank you so much. I really do appreciate your time!!
Im glad you're here and reaching out!
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