lillypad23

I have a second date Friday for dinner with someone that I know enjoys drinking. I am relatively new to being sober and am worried about my willpower in this situation. Any suggestions? Or helpful tips?

Zufrieden

Hi Lilypad,
I went through that with a business client tonight when he handed me a Scotch.
I have gotten used to just casually saying "no thanks" followed, when pressed by "no thanks, I'm not a drinker".... It is usually pretty simple and we move on to other topics. If the person persists it often feels as if they are curious more as a way to gauge their own level of drinking. I know that I found non-drinkers to be complete enigmas
I hope the date goes great and that the alcohol topic passes easily.
Good luck.
Jonathan

Dee74

This is never a popular response but I have to say it:

If you're worried about maybe drinking, maybe it's too soon to date lilypad?

D

Upward2Enlightenment

I have to agree with Dee.
Your sobriety needs to be your number one priority.

Thumpalumpacus

I'm loathe to give dating advice, but if he doesn't understand and respect your needs he's probably not worth seeing.

Berrybean

Sometimes it's a case of asking ourselves some questions and being honest (with ourselves). Do you really want to get involved with someone with whom being sober is likely to create an issue? Do you value this 'date' over your sobriety?

I'd been with my partner over 20 years when I started my sober journey, so it was a bit different. I love him to bits, but if I was starting again it wouldn't be with a heavy drinker! This is only 2nd date time. An ideal time to cut ties before things get complicated. There are plenty of sober people out there - once you start doing more sober activities you'll meet some of them.

Early sobriety is an emotionally raw (dare I say, emotionally wobbly) time. It may be worth focussing on friends and family who love you for now anyway.

Obviously - all this stuff is suggestion only, based on my own experiences and that of friends. It's entirely up to you.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery.

Carlotta

You ve got some good feedback here.
I would also add that you want to be very careful before getting involved with someone who enjoys drinking.
If he is into oenology or appreciate a nice mircro brew or a cold one here and there that's one thing.
If he is a heavy drinker your really don't want to get get involved. I lived with an active alcoholic and it is hell (especially when you are a sober alcoholic yourself).

Maffers

I personally would wait until your more secure in your recovery before dating. Your just starting to get to know the sober you, hard enough without getting into a relationship. I think you should put your sobriety first and foremost.

IvanMike

Advice? - Don't go on the date.

Getting into a relationship in early recovery is incredibly dangerous. Hanging around people who use is incredibly dangerous.

You're asking if you should light yourself on fire and jump off a cliff.

least

I'd take it slow and guard your sobriety with all your strength.

Soberwolf

Don't go its too soon way too risky