noneever

Yet another day 1. I managed 8 days sober and then as soon as I got paid, I told myself "just one will be fine". Of course one turned into 10. I gambled $500 and missed work today.

I am beyond disgusted with myself. I am an alcoholic. I cannot drink. When will this fact sink into my head? Why do I keep making the same mistake again and again and again? Why am I sabotaging myself and my life?

Please help me help myself.

suki44883

I'm sorry...I know it's very hard, especially in the beginning. What kind of face-to-face support do you have? SR is great for online support, but I found, especially in the early stages of recovery, it really helps to have live support from people who understand what you are dealing with.

Keep trying...never give up. If you just keep hanging in there, it will get better.

Hevyn

Noneever - What counts is that you aren't defeated. You're being honest about what happened and facing it. Sometimes we need further proof that there's nothing in it for us anymore. It's brings nothing but misery, anxiety, & hopelessness. Took me a while to get it too. There's no doubt you can do it this time.

D122y

Noneev,

Hearing u.

You got to fight to get past the first month.

I am closing in on 10 months.

I binge drank hard at the end and it took a long time to stabilize.

Getting used to normal still messes w me.

You are an addict. Maybe treat yourself like that, vs an alcoholic.

Addicts quit the addiction. Alcoholics relapse.

I drank for 45 years and extremely hard the last 15. I was celebrating my military retirement. Little did i know i was digging my early grave.

Now i know.

Everything gets better by the moment.

Wastinglife

I think most of us on this forum know exactly how you feel. I woke up with the same thoughts pretty much every day for a decade. Knowing that I could be cured of such misery with a couple drinks was really what kept me in the vicious cycle for so long. I had to lose pretty much everything before I got help. I'm starting over from rock bottom and it is pure hell.

Don't wait too long like I did. Get help.

Thumpalumpacus

Keep at it. Keep at it. Every time you lapse, get back at it. Don't ever give up.

Soberwolf

make a plan stick to it & I promise you things will improve

noneever

Thank you all.

Dropsie

Its a hard thing to accept, and then to remember.

We all struggle.

You can do this.

If we can you can.

Mrskw

Stay strong, you can do it

Dee74

Hi noneever

I think whatever support you have, you either need more or you need to use the support you have more effectively?

What kinds of things do you think you could add to your existing recovery programme?

D

noneever

Hi Dee, I've done some thinking today about why I drank last night. To be honest, I was just relying on willpower and assuming that when cravings arose, I'd simply say no and that would be that.
I need to develop skills like urge surfing, journalling when a craving appears and make a simple plan I will stick to.
Next time a craving appears I WILL reach out here on SR. I've made an appointment to see a psychologist I've seen before and connected well with. Unfortunately the earliest I could get in is in April so I'm guessing I'll be here on SR a lot. I did a body scan meditation today and went for a swim and these are two things I must do daily- it not a swim then a long walk. I've also read the first chapter of Refuge Recovery and will be working with that book over the coming weeks. I'm really reluctant to attend AA but there are meetings very close to where I live so I'm thinking I'm just going to have to suck it up and attend.

CloudStrife

noneever

Try and take some comfort that you are even able to see that your drinking is a problem and you need to quit.
I can remember many years where I didn't even have that clarity. I was just living in a blind cycle of binges.
Seeing that alcohol is a problem for you and having the desire to quit is a great first step.
Don't forget to take a second and be delighted with yourself that you can see that.
Its important to remember there is a lot of goodness and strength underneath that layer of **** we feel after we relapse.

Bunny211

Hey there,

I was very apprehensive about attending AA when I first decided to get sober. But I am so glad I did. They saved my life. I could not stay sober by myself. I highly suggest you attend AA and get a sponsor. I don't always LOVE attending AA meetings but I hear really great things in them...things I can relate too. I remember thinking "Oh my God, you too?!" when people shared. Suddenly I did not feel so alone. Real life, tangible people, who once drank mouthwash out of the trunks of their cars, were now 10+ years sober and looking and sounding fantastic! If they could do it, so could I! And so can you!

soberclover

The reality for me is that not drinking is initially uncomfortable. You have to do whatever is necessary to not drink. Not going to the places that you did when you drank. Get all the alcohol-related things out of your house; make it an alcohol-free environment. Do not have a lot of cash on you; put it in the bank. Make plans for keeping yourself busy. Do whatever is necessary to not drink and do not ever give up....this is possible!

least

As our beloved CarolD used to say, you will be able to stay sober when you want to be sober more than you want to drink.