Lessons from HGTV
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Lessons from HGTV
This past fall we dumped our 200 cable channel system for a cheaper package. Before HGTV was buried and I never watched it. Now I don't have many choices and so I wind up binging on "Fixer Upper", "House Hunters" and "Flip or Flop."
My H has been watching with me and the other day during "House Hunters" he was chuckling over one of the house options that had a detached garage. "Wow. If I had that garage, I'd still be drinking. You would have never known what was going on." I was at first shocked at his comment. As he nears 3 years sober, he has chosen to bury his addiction more than emotionally deal with it. It is rare that he brings up his drinking and I never expected HGTV to make him open up. I thought to myself of his yellow eyes and skin, daily puking, and that smell of yeast. And how the recycling bin filled up with a sea of beer cans. Yeah buddy, you were so super secret. I thought about pointing this all out to him, but instead with some snark, "Yeah. Good thing you had an attached garage on our must have list."
And the other thing I've noticed is watching this channel is like too much FB. I start sitting in my house cooking up all sorts of rehabs. Ironically we've already made a plan for the year. We are painting a room and replacing an exterior doOr. It's not like our house isn't nice and clean and quite updated. But this weekend I got all worked up over the popcorn ceilings. I was irritated with my lack of crown molding and our too dark fireplace brick. I was ready to dump my lovely DR chairs for metal chairs. I was stewing over our lack of an open floor plan. Then I remembered why I stopped watching HGTV anyway. I react poorly to this channel. I totally buy into their message of being outdated and needing to keep up with all of these other home owners. I need to head out and at least buy paint. They crow over how cheap it is, but it really isn't! It's a huge time commitment and money commitment! And the funniest thing is These people all say they love to entertain. I hate to entertain. There is NO point in me doing all of this interior work and blowing my money when I'm never going to have people over more than a few times a year. And the other thing is I've been decorating with shabby chic before it was called that and became high dollar. So my house is FINE!
I really need to watch out how these messages weave into my thoughts. What started my dissatisfied thoughts or cross mood? TV? Too much news? A work colleague? A relative? FB? I really need to watch how easily I get sucked in! I need spring to get out more and turn the TV off!!
My H has been watching with me and the other day during "House Hunters" he was chuckling over one of the house options that had a detached garage. "Wow. If I had that garage, I'd still be drinking. You would have never known what was going on." I was at first shocked at his comment. As he nears 3 years sober, he has chosen to bury his addiction more than emotionally deal with it. It is rare that he brings up his drinking and I never expected HGTV to make him open up. I thought to myself of his yellow eyes and skin, daily puking, and that smell of yeast. And how the recycling bin filled up with a sea of beer cans. Yeah buddy, you were so super secret. I thought about pointing this all out to him, but instead with some snark, "Yeah. Good thing you had an attached garage on our must have list."
And the other thing I've noticed is watching this channel is like too much FB. I start sitting in my house cooking up all sorts of rehabs. Ironically we've already made a plan for the year. We are painting a room and replacing an exterior doOr. It's not like our house isn't nice and clean and quite updated. But this weekend I got all worked up over the popcorn ceilings. I was irritated with my lack of crown molding and our too dark fireplace brick. I was ready to dump my lovely DR chairs for metal chairs. I was stewing over our lack of an open floor plan. Then I remembered why I stopped watching HGTV anyway. I react poorly to this channel. I totally buy into their message of being outdated and needing to keep up with all of these other home owners. I need to head out and at least buy paint. They crow over how cheap it is, but it really isn't! It's a huge time commitment and money commitment! And the funniest thing is These people all say they love to entertain. I hate to entertain. There is NO point in me doing all of this interior work and blowing my money when I'm never going to have people over more than a few times a year. And the other thing is I've been decorating with shabby chic before it was called that and became high dollar. So my house is FINE!
I really need to watch out how these messages weave into my thoughts. What started my dissatisfied thoughts or cross mood? TV? Too much news? A work colleague? A relative? FB? I really need to watch how easily I get sucked in! I need spring to get out more and turn the TV off!!
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I LOVE this post! To have someone else say they hate to entertain made my day. The last time I tried it (after being guilt-tripped into it by an overbearing neighbor) I worked my butt off for three days, spent the three hours being interrupted, having my punchlines stepped on (I'm funny, okay?), and wishing they'd go home...only to have them decide this was going to be a regular thing. Gawd no.
For once, I would like just one of those shows to spotlight a couple or a singleton who says, "My home is my sanctuary from other people...I'd like a moat with alligators, a run for the attack dogs, and a terrarium for my pet rattlesnake."
Rant over. But one of the many reasons we gave up television completely last summer is that I always felt manipulated to buy something. Who needs it?
Great post...thank you.
For once, I would like just one of those shows to spotlight a couple or a singleton who says, "My home is my sanctuary from other people...I'd like a moat with alligators, a run for the attack dogs, and a terrarium for my pet rattlesnake."
Rant over. But one of the many reasons we gave up television completely last summer is that I always felt manipulated to buy something. Who needs it?
Great post...thank you.
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codeJob.....lol....I really relate to the overload, as you describe!!
Especially the fix up your home programs........At one time I got deep into that addiction.....I finally burned out, also....
I can still remember my sweet grandma's words (over and over)....."If you can't be happy with what you already have..you will never be happy with what you get......"
dandylion
Especially the fix up your home programs........At one time I got deep into that addiction.....I finally burned out, also....
I can still remember my sweet grandma's words (over and over)....."If you can't be happy with what you already have..you will never be happy with what you get......"
dandylion
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
For once, I would like just one of those shows to spotlight a couple or a singleton who says, "My home is my sanctuary from other people...I'd like a moat with alligators, a run for the attack dogs, and a terrarium for my pet rattlesnake."
Thanks for a great thread!
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LOl.....another one of those "must haves" for just about every couple buying a first house is a fireplace....even in southern states (Not like Wisconsin or Minnesota )......
I have had fireplaces that I never used for years at a time....
But, the idea is just soo Norman Rockwell......
dandylion
I have had fireplaces that I never used for years at a time....
But, the idea is just soo Norman Rockwell......
dandylion
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CodeJob-I love this thread so much.,.,so true. I have found this out about myself as well....I'm almost about ready to throw the tv out. There is so much more to life than tv! And yes, it does make you feel "less than". One of my most recent bible studies was on "the comparison trap"....and I absolutely am guilty of that-I'm definitely getting better and have a peace with myself that I r never had before. But HGTV does always leave me feeling like I'm lacking somehow!! My tv will be in the trash, most likely, very soon 
PS - my ex would make those same comments-it was ridiculous. Yeah, buddy-you were so brilliant at hiding your drunkeness while falling down, slurring all your words and smelling like a rotting corpse. Yummy! Idiot. I always knew. Glad you were able to just get away with a snarky comment! It would have taken me a lot if self restraint to hold back
PS - my ex would make those same comments-it was ridiculous. Yeah, buddy-you were so brilliant at hiding your drunkeness while falling down, slurring all your words and smelling like a rotting corpse. Yummy! Idiot. I always knew. Glad you were able to just get away with a snarky comment! It would have taken me a lot if self restraint to hold back
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LOL. I have been rehabbing houses since before they had TV channels dedicated to it.
What sells and where I put my money in is, neutral colors, nothing fancy for features, and kitchens and baths. While some people may want bells and whistles, when it comes time to sell, the house will appraise usually as a value per sq. foot. You can have each foot done in gold or each foot done in Wal-Mart tinfoil, and the price won't be that different. In other words, if your happy with what you have, let them fancy it up themselves. I watch these shows and go....man they don't tell you how much they are spending to get that look. And while it looks good on TV, the reality is, 2 people rarely have the same taste when it comes to custom colors or stenciling walls or textured this or schmancy that.
Now having said that, I will be the first to admit that I am going for some of the gee whiz stuff myself a little bit. Things do change for standards. For instance, if I don't have high end kitchen finishes, it won't sell for the market price here. So while I can have a fine looking kitchen that doesn't include granite counter tops, and the latest Stainless Steel appliances, nobody will buy into an alternative counter-top, or cheapo appliances, for the same price the house across the street that does. So the marketability does get skewed a little by what people see. TV, or Home showcases or etc.
I myself and trying some of the new automated home features now. I am rehabbing the house I live in, and can do most of it myself so its more for my benefit of learning as much as saving money. What started out as "futuristic" features will become the norm in a few years as more and more companies push towards it.
I will give you 2 examples of how it has changed my views.
My lights are automated. There is no real need for switches anymore. I mean I have them but I don't even need to use them. I have the lights programmed to come on when you enter the room if its dark, to a certain level of brightness, and go off automatically when I leave the room or the house.
Then as I am returning home, if its dark out, they will automatically turn on for me, in whatever room I have asked it to. And all my lights are LED, instead of the old style incandescent.
Next as it happens, I needed to buy a H/W heater when my old one suddenly died on me. I wanted to go tankless, but I had no choice at that particular time. So I bought the best I could find at that particular weekend under emergency ( I don't have hot water so its an emergency) circumstances. I have a stupid feature in my hot water heater that it has a wireless feature. Why the He** do I need a wireless H/W heater you ask? ( I asked also).
Because I can tell it that I am on vacation from anywhere I want to. And I can tell it that when I'm returning home and am less than 30 minutes away from home, I'd like to have my water heated. It can also send me a text message saying, my hot water hasn't been used in X hours, am I home, or do I wish to set the temperature lower? Or if it isn't making hot water, it sends me a message saying so.
Still, that all sounds ridiculous.
Until I look at my new utility bills. They are now 30% lower at the least.
Now people are going to take interest when it comes time to decide which house they like better.
I don't know how far I will go with the new stuff. There are hard cost initially that you have to consider. But the point it, this stuff didn't exist 5 years ago, and in 3 more years if you don't have it, you will be an outdated house by a long way. Which is fine if you're fine with it.
But I saw tax incentives this past year as well. Did I install any energy efficient features in my home? I check the yes box. Gosh I paid less in taxes also. So sometimes there is a big picture view that none of us see. I sure didn't.
I could do an entire season of a Fixxer Upper show on this one house by itself.
But the bottom line is, anything you do, cost time and money. Sometimes I/we are short of both.
And P.S.
I live minimally in the house. The less I have, the less I have to move or clean as I am re-constructing around it.
What sells and where I put my money in is, neutral colors, nothing fancy for features, and kitchens and baths. While some people may want bells and whistles, when it comes time to sell, the house will appraise usually as a value per sq. foot. You can have each foot done in gold or each foot done in Wal-Mart tinfoil, and the price won't be that different. In other words, if your happy with what you have, let them fancy it up themselves. I watch these shows and go....man they don't tell you how much they are spending to get that look. And while it looks good on TV, the reality is, 2 people rarely have the same taste when it comes to custom colors or stenciling walls or textured this or schmancy that.
Now having said that, I will be the first to admit that I am going for some of the gee whiz stuff myself a little bit. Things do change for standards. For instance, if I don't have high end kitchen finishes, it won't sell for the market price here. So while I can have a fine looking kitchen that doesn't include granite counter tops, and the latest Stainless Steel appliances, nobody will buy into an alternative counter-top, or cheapo appliances, for the same price the house across the street that does. So the marketability does get skewed a little by what people see. TV, or Home showcases or etc.
I myself and trying some of the new automated home features now. I am rehabbing the house I live in, and can do most of it myself so its more for my benefit of learning as much as saving money. What started out as "futuristic" features will become the norm in a few years as more and more companies push towards it.
I will give you 2 examples of how it has changed my views.
My lights are automated. There is no real need for switches anymore. I mean I have them but I don't even need to use them. I have the lights programmed to come on when you enter the room if its dark, to a certain level of brightness, and go off automatically when I leave the room or the house.
Then as I am returning home, if its dark out, they will automatically turn on for me, in whatever room I have asked it to. And all my lights are LED, instead of the old style incandescent.
Next as it happens, I needed to buy a H/W heater when my old one suddenly died on me. I wanted to go tankless, but I had no choice at that particular time. So I bought the best I could find at that particular weekend under emergency ( I don't have hot water so its an emergency) circumstances. I have a stupid feature in my hot water heater that it has a wireless feature. Why the He** do I need a wireless H/W heater you ask? ( I asked also).
Because I can tell it that I am on vacation from anywhere I want to. And I can tell it that when I'm returning home and am less than 30 minutes away from home, I'd like to have my water heated. It can also send me a text message saying, my hot water hasn't been used in X hours, am I home, or do I wish to set the temperature lower? Or if it isn't making hot water, it sends me a message saying so.
Still, that all sounds ridiculous.
Until I look at my new utility bills. They are now 30% lower at the least.
Now people are going to take interest when it comes time to decide which house they like better.
I don't know how far I will go with the new stuff. There are hard cost initially that you have to consider. But the point it, this stuff didn't exist 5 years ago, and in 3 more years if you don't have it, you will be an outdated house by a long way. Which is fine if you're fine with it.
But I saw tax incentives this past year as well. Did I install any energy efficient features in my home? I check the yes box. Gosh I paid less in taxes also. So sometimes there is a big picture view that none of us see. I sure didn't.
I could do an entire season of a Fixxer Upper show on this one house by itself.
But the bottom line is, anything you do, cost time and money. Sometimes I/we are short of both.
And P.S.
I live minimally in the house. The less I have, the less I have to move or clean as I am re-constructing around it.
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I love this blog post from Glennon Melton (Momastery) about this very topic:
Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt | Momastery
Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt | Momastery
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TW, I subscribed to the blog that you posted the link for. I read thru it, almost burst into tears, and wanted to just scream
Everything there is true.
I especially loved it b/c I live in an old farmhouse. Not a nicely-fixed-up, hardwood floors and natural woodwork farmhouse, just a big old rambling cold-in-the-winter 2-story house w/floors that slant in every direction. But it is mine--it is paid for, I owe nothing.
If I fixed everything that could be fixed, if I "updated" everything that could be updated, I'd be in debt past my eyeballs and working 28 hours a day 10 days a week to finance it. But I don't want to live like that. So I fix what is pressing when it has to be fixed (providing I'm not making things worse for down the road by waiting...).
And the rest I live with. And actually, not only live with but love. The land is zoned light industrial, and I am the last person who will ever live here. If the land was sold, the house would be torn down and something commercial would go up. So I treasure the ancient evergreens to the north, and I pause to look at the tree trunk sections that are visible in the fieldstone basement where it was formed up while being built in the late 1800s. I have the documents listing everyone who ever owned it since the land was originally platted, and I look at that every once in a while and wish I knew their stories.
It's a special place, w/magic that no one else could have, no matter how much money they spent. The magic is of time and place, and you can't buy that.
OP, thanks for starting the thread, and TW, thanks for the link.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES!!!!!
YES!!!!!
Everything there is true.
I especially loved it b/c I live in an old farmhouse. Not a nicely-fixed-up, hardwood floors and natural woodwork farmhouse, just a big old rambling cold-in-the-winter 2-story house w/floors that slant in every direction. But it is mine--it is paid for, I owe nothing.
If I fixed everything that could be fixed, if I "updated" everything that could be updated, I'd be in debt past my eyeballs and working 28 hours a day 10 days a week to finance it. But I don't want to live like that. So I fix what is pressing when it has to be fixed (providing I'm not making things worse for down the road by waiting...).
And the rest I live with. And actually, not only live with but love. The land is zoned light industrial, and I am the last person who will ever live here. If the land was sold, the house would be torn down and something commercial would go up. So I treasure the ancient evergreens to the north, and I pause to look at the tree trunk sections that are visible in the fieldstone basement where it was formed up while being built in the late 1800s. I have the documents listing everyone who ever owned it since the land was originally platted, and I look at that every once in a while and wish I knew their stories.
It's a special place, w/magic that no one else could have, no matter how much money they spent. The magic is of time and place, and you can't buy that.
OP, thanks for starting the thread, and TW, thanks for the link.
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I love this thread. Love love love. I like the quirks of old things...I love the history behind stuff-there's a story and it's not cookie cutter. Who wants to keep up with the jones's?!? Who gives a sh$t! (My two cents)
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The Momastery blog is amazing! She is a recovering addict who now writes some AMAZING stuff about love, hope, joy, etc. She is also very active in philanthropy - she has helped raise over $3 MILLION for various causes, supporting a birthing center in Haiti, helping Syrian refugees, etc.
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When I was teaching at a private school last year, getting nothing from xAH for child support and making do with an income that left me making little more than minimum wage, I got rid of cable early on as a money saving measure...
It was hard to do-- I LOVED HGTV and Bravo (guilty pleasures) but it was a no brainer to ditch cable...
I have noticed since (this was a year ago and while I can afford it now I still don't have it) that I have stopped wanting to constantly do house projects or beautify my 1865 New Englander style home that for sure could use some beautifying...
When I was watching HGTV I was FOREVER finding things to be upset with in my home... Having less - having nothing in fact - for all of the last couple years, made me appreciate what I did have and these days my house is lived in, messy even at times, it's not going to win any HGTV contests and doesn't look all pottery barn esque so much anymore...
But I am so much happier here-- I live in my house, I laugh and enjoy life with my kids, and I don't care about my crappy stuff or the walls that could use new paint etc...
So this post totally resonated with me! I really truly get it.
When I was still living with xAH, I was obsessed with endless projects and rehabing things here at home-- it was like I felt that if I made things LOOK nice around me, they'd FEEL better...
These days things look lived in and a little chaotic often, but they FEEL good and happy...
Funny how opposite it is now...
LOVE this post of yours! Thank you!
It was hard to do-- I LOVED HGTV and Bravo (guilty pleasures) but it was a no brainer to ditch cable...
I have noticed since (this was a year ago and while I can afford it now I still don't have it) that I have stopped wanting to constantly do house projects or beautify my 1865 New Englander style home that for sure could use some beautifying...
When I was watching HGTV I was FOREVER finding things to be upset with in my home... Having less - having nothing in fact - for all of the last couple years, made me appreciate what I did have and these days my house is lived in, messy even at times, it's not going to win any HGTV contests and doesn't look all pottery barn esque so much anymore...
But I am so much happier here-- I live in my house, I laugh and enjoy life with my kids, and I don't care about my crappy stuff or the walls that could use new paint etc...
So this post totally resonated with me! I really truly get it.
When I was still living with xAH, I was obsessed with endless projects and rehabing things here at home-- it was like I felt that if I made things LOOK nice around me, they'd FEEL better...
These days things look lived in and a little chaotic often, but they FEEL good and happy...
Funny how opposite it is now...
LOVE this post of yours! Thank you!
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WTBH-what you speak of : the endless projects....that was my mother in law. Constant projects. All The time. Even when they couldn't be afforded-she'd complain about money but always be constructing or destructing sonething. I hurt for her bc I know that pain-it's a way to distract yourself from the pain you'd feel if you stopped. I used to do it too! Projects equaled distraction from my reality. Sad. But so much happier now
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Funny Video of Preparing For Holiday Guests | POPSUGAR Home
My house when preparing for guests....
Jonathan
My house when preparing for guests....
Jonathan
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls
I like the quirks of old things...I love the history behind stuff-there's a story and it's not cookie cutter.
I agree w/those saying how freeing it is to stop thinking "I need more, I need better, I need different." Brene Brown says to think "I am enough." I guess part of that is also "I have enough."
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^ I will never be the person that owns and lives in a production builder home, has a huge neighborhood pool to swim in and worries about each child having a bedroom. (I almost went down that route but that was something my ex and I agreed on so we sold out lot in the upscale neighborhood bc we both hated the idea of living there!). I desire a little Texas country cottage with lots of trees in the hill country where my kids will grow up in the rivers and at the beach, not at the local water theme park and gasp (!) they share a room and love it. Two peas in a pod. Comfy, homey, not new...dark woods, textures, deep tones...stories from pieces acquired from random places. Yum.
I look forward to taking the girls on mission trips as they get older to further instill gratitude and see the world through new eyes-and see what others have (and don't have). It's about your heart, your happiness-not what you have !
I look forward to taking the girls on mission trips as they get older to further instill gratitude and see the world through new eyes-and see what others have (and don't have). It's about your heart, your happiness-not what you have !
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Originally Posted by TropicalWinter
I love this blog post from Glennon Melton (Momastery) about this very topic:
Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt | Momastery
Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt | Momastery
I picked up Carry On, Warrior & started it on audiobook this morning. I'm just finishing disc 1/7 & it is FANTASTIC. Thank you for the reminder!
Add me to the "Eclectic Household" list - my entire house is a hodge-podge of all kinds of things & I love it.
Years ago (& I mean 2+ decades folks) RAH was in BASIC training & I was alone with months to kill. I managed all kinds of home repairs & upgrades, like new carpets, paint, etc. I wanted every single room in my house to be a different color because I couldn't take the bland, white walls. I always say that these walls are the backdrop for our daily lives - many personal photos are taken against these walls, within them we celebrated our holidays & mourned our losses.
I had my good friend stencil my entire master bath in a huge mural because it was true to who I was & this room was my personal sanctuary. I've never had the heart or really felt the need to paint over it & don't know if I ever will, no matter how many years pass.
One entire wall is the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland asking, "Who.... Are... You...?" I have Grateful Dead teddy bears in a rainbow of colors dancing underneath psychedelic mushrooms, the sun & moon, and a giant Yin/Yang with the words: Truth, Love, Respect & Compassion.
I've never seen THAT on HGTV.
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