Andre78745

After almost a decade, today is the day I decided enough is enough. I'm quitting the drinking. I have lost everything and everyone I love due to the bottle. I feel so lost now though, without the drink in my hand I feel helpless, my anxiety is sky high and all I can think about is a nice cold beer. I'm new to all this and I just need to know how can I control the strong desire to drink?

Anna

Hi Andre and welcome,

I felt terribly alone too at the end of my drinking days. It was a very lonely time of my life. Have faith that you can do this and live the life you want.

I don't think it's so much about willpower as it is about acceptance. I had to accept fully that I could never drink again. At that point, my mind shifted.

Do you have a plan for how you will stop and stay sober?

Andre78745

I don't really have much of a plan. I just know I have to quit before its to late. I all but ruined my relationship with my girlfriend, my family and some of my closest friends.

IvanMike

welcome.

A plan is vital. My personal experience is that NA was essential to staying clean and sober. (They don't make a distinction between alcohol and other drugs). AA may or may not appeal to you more.

In my experience you can't control the desire to drink or use, but you can overcome and withstand it until it passes. Despite my significant (to put it mildly) misgivings, I found people in 12 step recovery who knew what it was like to be me, and who had found a way out. Oddly enough, now I'm one of those people.

Anna

Here is a link with lots of information on various methods of recovery and how we did it:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Andre78745

Thank you guys for the welcome. I guess I will check into a local AA meeting at the church next door since its the closest place around where I live. I'm not a big believer in the church though so I'm scared AA won't be my cup of tea. All I know is I want to defeat this demon once and for all. I'm scared to death though.

teatreeoil007

Andre-Glad you found SR and the decision to quit drinking will be one of the best in your life.

You might feel scared to death, but being sober will not kill you. If you've been a heavy drinker for a while now, you probably should detox under a Dr.'s care because abrupt alcohol withdrawal CAN be dangerous. I personally didn't have bad physical withdrawals when I quit drinking, but I was not a super heavy drinker for a lengthy period of time. But I have known of people who have seizures from acute alcohol withdrawal. Anyways, the recovery community is a very caring and supportive one, least that's been my experience. We are here for you.

ChloeRose63

Welcome, Andre. Don't be scared because there is so much support out there to help in many ways. You just have to want to make a change and be open to accepting help. You will gain control over alcohol but, it takes time. Being here with us at SR is a great place to begin. So relax and keep posting! ♡CR

Dee74

Hi and welcome Andre

I think everyone feels that way at first - I know I did.
Support really helps - SR helped me turn my life around

D

Ruby2

Welcome to SR. Even if you decide AA isn't your cup of tea, going to a meeting will get you out and give you respite for an hour. You'll meet other people who have decided they'd had enough of drinking.

Stick around. You can quit. It's hard in the beginning but doable

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support you'll find here can help you get sober for good. I did, six years ago, and I love my sober life. Much simpler, much more enjoyable. And I'm not nearly as depressed as I used to be when I was drinking.

Thumpalumpacus

As an atheist who attends AA meetings, my experience is that I am comfortable with others talking about their higher powers even though I don't share their outlooks, because I gain so much more from knowing I'm not alone, and learning from the experiences of others.

It is not the centerpiece or only piece of my plan, but it is an important part, for me.

Mac1

Welcome Andre,
Your post brings memories flooding back for me about what it was like at the end of my drinking days. Overwhelming loneliness, intense fear and complete bewilderment at how I could possibly manage life without alcohol. But if you're really serious about this, your life can can change completely from this point. It will take a lot of commitment on your behalf.

Meeting and talking to people who have came through situations just like yours is a great place to start. So definitely try to attend an AA meeting if you can. Don't worry at all about not being a big church goer. And of course you'll find loads of help here on SR

Wastinglife

I can certainly relate. I lost everything to the bottle too. Loneliness and fear were the only things I had left. AA meetings help with the loneliness even if you don't subscribe to the program. I've resisted a few potential benders by sitting in a meeting first.

Bunny211

Welcome. We've all been where you are and it's no fun. But, it does get better! The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step! Sobriety is SO WORTH IT!

I agree on the AA thing. I have found so much comfort and love from AA - I don't think I could have done this without AA! The members made me feel safe, secure and loved...when I was at my most unlovable. I remember one of them saying "I was always the black sheep of the family....I came to AA and I found the rest of the flock!" I'm not very religious and I struggle with the God concept...but I still love AA!

wpainterw

Andre: Welcome! May I suggest a few ways. First throw out all the booze in the house. Second, it may be tough but stop associating with former drinking or drugging friends until your recovery has progressed much further. This will take months, possibly a few years. The same is true for family or companions although there are obvious complications in this respect. Third, seek the company of other non drinkers in recovery and particularly persons who have had some success in maintaining sobriety. You should give AA a try but if it doesn't work out for you seek companionship in other ways, such as sporting, exercise or hobby groups. Fourth, seek a well trained and congenial counselor, preferably a doctor or nurse practitioner who can prescribe medication if needed, in small amounts and maintain control over refills. Sixth: Anticipate anxiety and sleeping problems at first (this usually sorts itself out in a week or so) and if you have a need to detox seek medical help since this can be dangerous or even life threatening if not supervised. Seventh:. Do keep posting on this SR site. We help ourselves by helping you. It works! Good luck.

W.

FormerWineGirl

Hi Andre, welcome! I can 100% relate to the overwhelming lonleiness that comes with early sobriety. I would love to have had the opportunity to attend AA meetings next door to me! I live in a very rural area with limited meetings, so I never felt it was a viable option for me, simply due to the logistics of where and when they were held. Take advantage of the opportunity.

Even at 18 months sober, I still feel lonely sometimes, as my husband and close friends drink - often to the excess, I might add. But those feelings of being the "odd one" are generally put to rest as an evening out almost always progresses to the point of someone embarassing themselves while being drunk. I always wrap those nights up by being very greatful that it wasn't me!

Berrybean

Welcome - and good luck at the meeting. When are you going?

In the meantime, the best advice I had in the early days was about watching out for triggers. We all have things that can be triggering to us individually, but there are some that affect us all, and can be remembered with HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. So, make sure you eat well (and stay hydrated). Get lots of rest. Avoid anything you can that you know will irritate you (for eg. I'd advise my shoutey-head partner to maybe not watch the news on TV maybe lol). And try not to isolate - that's where meetings can really help you, and obviously, keep posting here. This community has helped me (and others) immensely in my recovery journey.

Oh - and that advice about making a plan is spot on

Good luck.

chrcarlson

Hi Andre, AA isn't that scary a place. It's a good place to meet and socialize with people that don't drink. I go sometimes when I'm lonely or bored. You might try several meetings and groups, they are all a little different.

I quit Dec 9 2015 after 30 years of drinking. I know how you feel. Those feelings passed for the most part. Everyday I don't drink is a little easier than the last. It's becoming a habit now.

It is much easier for me to think about not drinking for just today. I don't think about next week or next year. We have all skipped a day of drinking so it's very doable. The days have added up to around 80 now.

Try to do something else when you would normally be drinking. Sitting around doing nothing when you normally would be drinking is hell. Plan on a movie, AA or something.

zlhzlh

All great advice Andre. It sounds like you are at rock bottom! The only way is up from here. Keep strong, keep busy, you will soon notice some amazing physical differences....we are all here for you!