Zircon

Hi,
I have moved into my new small rental home. It certainly is a very different feeling, after being with my ah for the last 12 yrs. I have a lot of unpacking to do. And there are a lot of little things that need to be done. Really doesn't feel like my home. I'm still having emotional moments, about why did I have to leave my home that I felt safe and secure in. Then I remember, in my ah mind, it was his home. He wanted be out, threatened to kick me out, so I new in my mind I would never feel safe there again.
All these thoughts are flooding my brain, about what life my ah and I could have had. Again, my ah made it clear he used to love me, but doesn't anymore. It's funny how quickly things changed for him. In October, he professed his love for me, then in December, my ah stated he didn't love me anymore.
I don't think I'll ever understand this disease, but from all the other stories I've read, it's seems the content is so similar.
I have my protective order hearing on Wednesday. I met with my lawyer, but can't afford his fee to have him come with me. My ah will have his lawyer with him. My lawyer wrote out a sort of script to follow. I'm very nervous about going alone. My girlfriend is gonna go with me. I hope they let her come in with me. That's the next thing I'll be facing.
My dogs seem to be adjusting well to our new place. The first day with them was rough. At my new place they need to be on a run, which in my old home they were able to run free. It will be a little getting used to for them.
I know I did the right thing, but still feeling so overwhelmed and stressed.
Life shouldn't be this hard. When you think you have it all, in a matter of a second, it can all be taken away from you.
I am counting my blessing for what I do have and hoping I continue to have the courage and strength to face what lies ahead. Thank you all for listening to my thoughts.
Z

dandylion

Zircon....are you opposed to having a court advocate with you?

dandylion

Zircon

Hi,
No, I wouldn't mind having a court advocate with me. I'm scaried to death!!!!

LexieCat

Z, call your local shelter and see if someone can go with you. There's usually someone available. I don't recommend going without someone who knows the ropes. They can't give you legal advice but they can help keep you calm and explain what's going on.

honeypig

Zircon, no advice to give, just want to wish you well in your new home. Hoping your houndies settle in soon and all the other crap gradually washes down the drain, leaving you safe and peaceful.

FeelingGreat

Just wishing you the best outcomes for your court date. You've been brave up until now and it won't fail you tomorrow.

CodeJob

Peace Zircon! It will filter into every aspect of your life now that you have some space and distance from trouble.

SeriousKarma

Good Morning Zircon,

Because of my XAH's military career I moved plenty of times. Sometimes the places were great and sometimes not, but there was always an adjustment period, especially when downsizing, or downgrading. They never felt like home right away, but they always did after a while, and there was always something about each place that I missed when the next move came.

The quicker you can get things organized and decorated, and get some friends over, the quicker you'll get over this wonky feeling. It may take a while, but it will happen eventually.

(((((((( hugs ))))))))

Bekindalways

So glad to hear you are moved if not quite settled and unpacked. It is a big step towards getting yourself to the other side of this dark time.

Hugs

Refiner

Awwww bless you and your doggies Zircon! I agree on the advocate thing. Head up high during the court process - you've GOT this and your new place will be YOUR HOME and feel like it soon. Just give it some time, hug on those doggies, and enjoy YOUR peace.

Berrybean

Hi Zircon,

Is it starting to feel a little more familiar yet.

When I moved into my little (dolls house size) flat it was out of choice, but it still felt a little strange at first. Once things were all unpacked and it was less echoey and I'd got used to where things were I felt better. At first it really helped to play my favourite music quite loud to fill the space with 'me-ness'.

Wishing you happiness in your new home

amy55

Zircon,

Thinking of you.

(((((((many hugs))))))))
amy

Liveitwell

Z-sending you warm hugs and wishes for peace. You are courageous and will do just fine in court. Just tell the truth. But I do agree with others - going alone is probably not the best thing-an advocate can help in these situations. All the best, Z!!!

hopeful4

Hello!

I am so glad you are in your new place. Good stuff. I second trying to see if the advocate can go with you!

Many, many hugs.

jobei

Sounds like some big changes and a lot on your plate. Try to take it easy and give yourself a break!

jukeboxjane

your new apt, its freedom and its scary and its release and its excitement and its lonely and thats normal, thats good, even though its super hard. all hard but rewarding moments come with strong emotions. as you unpack each box another root starts to take hold!

reach out to your friends and family, tell them how much you need them and find meetings and groups in your area.

best of luck with the hearing