Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Me
Since I joined this site, I have had a constant dialogue in my head. How do I introduce myself? What do I tell these people, who seem to have it together and I'm flailing. How can I make myself accountable? Well, you're going to get me. Probably no one ever has. Here goes.
I began drinking with a couple of friends at 14. My family was extremely religious, alcohol was very foreign to me. We would sneak either of their parents' alcohol and drink. We had a lot of unsupervised time at their houses.
From there, one of these girls and I would drink at school. I was a cheerleader, student council president, homecoming queen, and athlete. No one ever suspected. We would drink at my locker. We would drink on the way to school. No one ever knew.
Years went by after high school. We grew up, went our separate ways. Had our own families. I didn't drink so much. sometimes never. We reconnected and started socializing again. Our kids have been raised like cousins.
Once again, drinking became our thing. I would go to bars with her and tell my husband I was home (he traveled). It seemed natural, it's what we had always done.
As years went by, my drinking became more and more my life. The last several years have been brutal. I have shown up for parent/teacher conferences drunk, coached kids while I was drunk, and drove drunk with my granddaughter in the car.
I tried to commit suicide a few months ago. I don't want to die and I don't want to drink.
I want to quit. I go to meetings, am on acampro, a therapist and I know I need more than this. So. I am starting my accountability thread.
I began drinking with a couple of friends at 14. My family was extremely religious, alcohol was very foreign to me. We would sneak either of their parents' alcohol and drink. We had a lot of unsupervised time at their houses.
From there, one of these girls and I would drink at school. I was a cheerleader, student council president, homecoming queen, and athlete. No one ever suspected. We would drink at my locker. We would drink on the way to school. No one ever knew.
Years went by after high school. We grew up, went our separate ways. Had our own families. I didn't drink so much. sometimes never. We reconnected and started socializing again. Our kids have been raised like cousins.
Once again, drinking became our thing. I would go to bars with her and tell my husband I was home (he traveled). It seemed natural, it's what we had always done.
As years went by, my drinking became more and more my life. The last several years have been brutal. I have shown up for parent/teacher conferences drunk, coached kids while I was drunk, and drove drunk with my granddaughter in the car.
I tried to commit suicide a few months ago. I don't want to die and I don't want to drink.
I want to quit. I go to meetings, am on acampro, a therapist and I know I need more than this. So. I am starting my accountability thread.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Bobbieka and thanks for sharing your story. A lot of the things you mention sound crazy when you write them down, don't they? But in the end we all experienced a lot of them and we understand that they happen and we must move forward regardless. Glad to hear you are using meetings and therapy, hope that SR can provide you with some feeling of community and support too. Someone is almost always online here so don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it at any time!
SR has been a huge help to me in staying sober. I hope we can do the same for you. Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,500
Welcome, Bobbieka! I'm so sorry that you tried to end your life and I'm glad that you are here today. We do understand how hard this is. It's an awful realization when we know that our drinking is out of control and destroying us and that we have to stop drinking.
It sounds like you have a good plan for getting and staying sober and I hope you continue to read and post here.
It sounds like you have a good plan for getting and staying sober and I hope you continue to read and post here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Welcome to SR Bobbeika. You will find lots of support here, from people from all walks of life on various parts of the globe who have abused alcohol and drugs in various ways and to various degrees.
I have been coming to this site for over a year now. It is my impression that everyone here is just trying their best to live sober lives in their own unique way. I check in here to get support and inspiration from others and I try to give a little back when I can.
I am very impressed with how you articulated your personal narrative with alcohol and it sounds as if you are taking some positive steps in moving forward and trying to live sober.
My best wishes,
B
I have been coming to this site for over a year now. It is my impression that everyone here is just trying their best to live sober lives in their own unique way. I check in here to get support and inspiration from others and I try to give a little back when I can.
I am very impressed with how you articulated your personal narrative with alcohol and it sounds as if you are taking some positive steps in moving forward and trying to live sober.
My best wishes,
B
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Welcome! I also tried to end my life when I was in active alcoholism. It's a terrible place to be and I am so thankful I am not longer in that space. So glad you decided to get sober...it is worth it!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome Bobbieka - we're all very friendly here 
I was nodding with recognition as I reead your story - although I'm a guy, there were many similarities between your story and mine.
I got to the point where I despaired of even getting out of the drinking prison - but I did.
You can too
D
I was nodding with recognition as I reead your story - although I'm a guy, there were many similarities between your story and mine.
I got to the point where I despaired of even getting out of the drinking prison - but I did.
You can too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
So, today, I am 7 days sober. Everyone has noticed, even if they're not sure what they are noticing. I feel like I am me again. The 24 hour thread is so helpful. Thanks, Dee. When I wake up, my first thought is, cool, I get to post 24 more hours. I told my therapist about this site. She wrote it down to recommend to others. You all are amazing. My relationship with everyone is healing. It is such a relief not to worry if I got rid of a bottle or if someone might smell alcohol on me.
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