What's wrong with me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 103
What's wrong with me
So I told you all my husband got a new job. Well it's annoying me how overboard he's going. Bragging that he's the top guy in the company. He's constantly emailing his manager about all the changes he's going to make. Brags about how he finally has what he's worth and deserves and he's gonna clean house. Everyone calls him sir. Basically it's annoying the hell out of me that he's on this high horse. Why? I snapped at him tonight for no reason other than its pissing me off. Why is it annoying me?
He's on this high horse like he has the world at his fingers. I don't know if I'm mad that he's like this or what? If I'm mad he's all arrogant again. It's not better when he fails but succeeding is dangerous for him too.. He gets full of himself and gets selfish. I'm scared.
He's on this high horse like he has the world at his fingers. I don't know if I'm mad that he's like this or what? If I'm mad he's all arrogant again. It's not better when he fails but succeeding is dangerous for him too.. He gets full of himself and gets selfish. I'm scared.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 230
Hi lost...while what your AH is doing seems a bit extreme and based on your previous posts I agree to the narcissism tag, I can relate on some level. AH came home from 5 weeks in rehab, had lost 25lbs, was working out, eating good, back into his music. Everything in life was new and exciting for him. He looked great and talked non stop about how great life was. It annoyed the living hell out of me and made me feel so much pressure and jealousy that HE was happy and I wasn't.
What I realized within a couple weeks is that I was spending way too much time looking at him and no time at all looking at MYSELF. I rationalized my feelings, denied my own shortcomings and did nothing to make myself feel better. Detach from his behavior, don't encourage conversation on the annoying topics and most of all - FOCUS ON YOURSELF. I know that when I spend too much time ranting and raving about AH is does me absolutely no good even if I can 'justify it'. I'm seeing that in a lot of your posts....try something new and you'll probably get a different result.
Hang in there!!!
What I realized within a couple weeks is that I was spending way too much time looking at him and no time at all looking at MYSELF. I rationalized my feelings, denied my own shortcomings and did nothing to make myself feel better. Detach from his behavior, don't encourage conversation on the annoying topics and most of all - FOCUS ON YOURSELF. I know that when I spend too much time ranting and raving about AH is does me absolutely no good even if I can 'justify it'. I'm seeing that in a lot of your posts....try something new and you'll probably get a different result.
Hang in there!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
In reading your other thread detailing your evening....what I see is you are in a conundrum. When AH is not working you have more control over him. He is home, he is down, he is drinking, he is under your thumb, you can search through phones and computers. When AH is working you have little control over him. He is feeling confidant, he is excited, he has access to money, he has more freedom, he has electronics you can't get into so you don't really know what he is up to.
When he is unemployed its bad.
When he is employed its bad.
= its bad
The cockiness after having been unemployed or losing several jobs would be annoying to me too. Its as if it negates however long you have been treading water due to his unemployment. Yet, what would you prefer? Is it better that he be unemployed where you can control him? Or employed where you cannot? You are making accusations already about his faithfulness and inquiring if a certain girl is "cute", discussing what will happen if he has an affair. He is saying nasty things to you, making threats, refusing to observe you asking him to stop talking so you can watch a TV show (would pull my hair out).
This is a mess. You both contribute to the toxic merry go round of how you communicate. You have every reason to worry he has proven himself to be untrustworthy. Yet, his employment which **should** be a happy thing, an accomplishment, is not for you because it opens the doors to worrying about what he will do next because his history has proven he WILL.
I hope you will consider going to Al Anon or at the least reading the book "codependent no more". Both would help you tremendously.
When he is unemployed its bad.
When he is employed its bad.
= its bad
The cockiness after having been unemployed or losing several jobs would be annoying to me too. Its as if it negates however long you have been treading water due to his unemployment. Yet, what would you prefer? Is it better that he be unemployed where you can control him? Or employed where you cannot? You are making accusations already about his faithfulness and inquiring if a certain girl is "cute", discussing what will happen if he has an affair. He is saying nasty things to you, making threats, refusing to observe you asking him to stop talking so you can watch a TV show (would pull my hair out).
This is a mess. You both contribute to the toxic merry go round of how you communicate. You have every reason to worry he has proven himself to be untrustworthy. Yet, his employment which **should** be a happy thing, an accomplishment, is not for you because it opens the doors to worrying about what he will do next because his history has proven he WILL.
I hope you will consider going to Al Anon or at the least reading the book "codependent no more". Both would help you tremendously.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I think your reaction is pretty sound. Unless he's magically found the perfect toxic workplace where that kind of behavior is the norm, he's setting himself up for a big fall and you know who's going to be dealing with the fallout.
How are coming along with your plans for getting out of there, because you may need them quickly...
How are coming along with your plans for getting out of there, because you may need them quickly...
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i was thinkin in the lines of what Ariesagain mentioned:
pride cometh before the fall.
i had instances where i was getting my poop inna group. new job and i excelled. impressed the bosses with my words and actions. talked the talk and walked the walk(at work ONLY). had a huge ass ego kikin. all bobby bad*ss and the company was fortunate to have me workin for them.
in time it was just talk the talk.
then walk the walk- out the door.....as per the bosses orders.
hope yer lookin at you and how to make YOUR life better as you deserve.
pride cometh before the fall.
i had instances where i was getting my poop inna group. new job and i excelled. impressed the bosses with my words and actions. talked the talk and walked the walk(at work ONLY). had a huge ass ego kikin. all bobby bad*ss and the company was fortunate to have me workin for them.
in time it was just talk the talk.
then walk the walk- out the door.....as per the bosses orders.
hope yer lookin at you and how to make YOUR life better as you deserve.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Heya Lost. What you describe would indeed be tough for me too. I second most of what everyone is saying here. Specially anything along the lines of "Take care of you".
Maybe you aren't ready to leave this situation but you might look at what you can do to change yourself, and detach from him. Have you looked up any Alanon meetings yet?
Maybe you aren't ready to leave this situation but you might look at what you can do to change yourself, and detach from him. Have you looked up any Alanon meetings yet?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Sometimes the higher up you climb that corporate ladder the closer your head gets to the chopping block.
His cockiness, and" know it all , high horse" approach is not going to serve him well. When people do not like and respect their boss, they are less apt to go the extra mile and make him look good.
Just sharing my thoughts and what I have seen working in the corporate world for almost 30 years now.
That wall can come crumbling down at anytime.
now back to you, what needs to happen in your life, to restore peace and inner joy?
His cockiness, and" know it all , high horse" approach is not going to serve him well. When people do not like and respect their boss, they are less apt to go the extra mile and make him look good.
Just sharing my thoughts and what I have seen working in the corporate world for almost 30 years now.
That wall can come crumbling down at anytime.
now back to you, what needs to happen in your life, to restore peace and inner joy?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Angel, this reminds me a bit of my own STBXAH. He is what I call an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. He, too, will walk around and talk about how wonderful he is, whether it's in his career, or just who he is as a person. On top of that, he would need near-constant validation and reassurance of how wonderful he is. And any time he thought that anyone or anything was threatening or challenging his wonderfulness in all things, he would get very, very nasty.
The whole dynamic is exhausting, and infuriating. The only thing that ultimately helped me cope with it was to try to keep my focus on myself and the kids as much as possible.
The whole dynamic is exhausting, and infuriating. The only thing that ultimately helped me cope with it was to try to keep my focus on myself and the kids as much as possible.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
I agree with what has been said so far, additionally I'm wondering if this is an inherent trait with the disease. My XAH had the same issues, obnoxious, overly confident, megalomaniac that on the back end needed someone to stroke his ego all the time. Because under all the bravado was a scared, lonely confused little boy who thought that being the loudest rooster in the pen made him the best rooster, when all it did was just make him the annoying loud rooster.
I reiterate that he's setting himself up for a pretty big fall, hopefully for your sake that doesn't happen, but it's probably inevitable. Don't waste your energy concentrating on how irritated he's making you now, use that energy to plan your exit strategy when that glass house comes crashing down.
I reiterate that he's setting himself up for a pretty big fall, hopefully for your sake that doesn't happen, but it's probably inevitable. Don't waste your energy concentrating on how irritated he's making you now, use that energy to plan your exit strategy when that glass house comes crashing down.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Just wanted to chime in-this is exactly the way my ex acted. So big and mighty and arrogant-but underneath it all was a scared little boy. If I didn't have time to stroke the ego of said boy (gasp!), I was mistreated. It was the world against him, poor him, boohoo, etc. So not fun to be around, to say the least. Constantly whining about how other people were rich growing up, yards yada yada-and all of these things that he had a chip on his shoulder about he just constantly bitched about. He literally thought he was smarter than everyone-and could do his bosses jobs SO much better. And didn't understand why after only a few months of working at a company he wasn't promoted to CEO. I'm not kidding. Constant breakdowns of I'm not good enough and then arrogance and brovado the next day. Who knows if this is from alcoholism, bipolar, narcissism or whatever....it just ain't ok and was so exhausting to deal with and live with. I didn't sign up to marry a child!
I agree with others-do what you can for yourself....his pride will be his downfall. You don't have to stay around for that.
I agree with others-do what you can for yourself....his pride will be his downfall. You don't have to stay around for that.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Coming in saying you know better than everyone else and telling
them how to run their business doesn't play well for very long.
I bet this job doesn't last a month with an attitude like that.
Plan your financials, and life, accordingly. . .
them how to run their business doesn't play well for very long.
I bet this job doesn't last a month with an attitude like that.
Plan your financials, and life, accordingly. . .
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