Dealing with inappropriate questions after divorce
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Dealing with inappropriate questions after divorce
I must admit that I got triggered pretty bad when a person asked me if I were going to go back together with my ex "once he stops drinking." I think my reply was appropriate, "No, because he was hurtful and is a man with many many issues." But in my head, I am like, why would anyone ask this, and why would they even care?
So, I found a little article I would love to share. These are possible responses (categories of responses) to insensitive questions after divorce.
Avoid Awkward Questions After Separation & Divorce - Pure PeacePure Peace
So, I found a little article I would love to share. These are possible responses (categories of responses) to insensitive questions after divorce.
Avoid Awkward Questions After Separation & Divorce - Pure PeacePure Peace
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
It's interesting what this has taught me. I was recently walking my dog along my beach here early one morning. As part of this walk there is a city park on the beach and often there are people there enjoying the outside. On this particular day it was a damp wet morning, and it was well before 9AM when this happened. Nobody walks under these conditions unless you live here and even then, I'm a nut.....lol.
And now that I've been without my AXGF I have regained a lot of my social habits. I talk to almost anyone just to be friendly and show warmth.
On this day, I happened upon a man sitting on a bench. From about 12 feet apart from each other. He commented on my dog who had walked up to him to be friendly. And as the southern tradition goes, starts asking about me, my family, where I'm from, etc. I told him where my house was....Oh you bought the old Jackson place? Yes sir sure did. And its been a great project and very therapeutic for me? Therapeutic why? Well I left an alcoholic g/f and bought this place and have been rehabbing it for over a year now.
His first question after that was. I bet you miss her? I said No sir not one bit....with a hardy laugh attached to that. ( I felt a bit odd that it wasn't a house question).
You don't miss her?
No sir my life is so much more happy now.
So you don't drink? (My radar is starting to go up here).
I said yes sir I drink. I just don't let it run my life.
You sound like my wife, he said.
Now I'm really starting to suspect something.
How's that I said. Well she bit**es about my drinking.
Now......I am starting to focus on him. His speech was a bit slurred. However he could have had a stroke etc. so I didn't use that solely, but I am now evaluating. He also is sipping pretty continuously from a Styrofoam glass with a straw and ice in it. I could hear the ice as he swished the glass.
The clue here is, it was about 45 degrees out. Not very likely somebody needs to be drinking a cold beverage.
So I'm now going to move in closer, to shake his hand and feign friendliness.
I get to within 4 feet and can smell the alcohol now.
Me: Yeah women can be like that I spose. What is her problem anyway?
Him: She says I drink too much.
Me: Do you?
Him: Do I what?
Me: (Having had these conversations now I know how to maneuver better). Do you drink too much?
Him: No. She is just being a biotch?
Me: Do you know what time it is Don?
Him: No...why do you ask.
Me: Well its pretty early in the day here. What do you have in that cup this morning?
Him: Oh just some Iced Tea.
Me: Anything else?
Him: What's your problem?
Me: No problem at all. Have a nice morning.
Then it started!
Him: Let me tell you what you SOB what I do with my life is my business. And you sound like my wife asking me questions like this. You don't know me...who the hell are you anyways?
Me: Don. Let me ask you something. Why are you here in this city park, at 8:30 in the morning, drinking? It's cold, wet and miserable out here. You could be home where its warm and comfortable.
Him: Cuz I needed to get out of the house. My wife says she is going to leave me after 32 years of marriage.
Me: Don, its none of my business what has happened to make her say this, but do you think that coming to a city park to drink booze is the best way to solve this?
Him: You know what you need to go back to where ever you came from before here. Its a good thing your girlfriend left you, you sound pretty judgmental.
Me: Have a nice day Don.
Got my dog and walked off.
They are everywhere now that I have been exposed to my ex. I just never assumed somebody sitting on a bench on a cold damp day was anything more than nuts....like me....:-)
And now that I've been without my AXGF I have regained a lot of my social habits. I talk to almost anyone just to be friendly and show warmth.
On this day, I happened upon a man sitting on a bench. From about 12 feet apart from each other. He commented on my dog who had walked up to him to be friendly. And as the southern tradition goes, starts asking about me, my family, where I'm from, etc. I told him where my house was....Oh you bought the old Jackson place? Yes sir sure did. And its been a great project and very therapeutic for me? Therapeutic why? Well I left an alcoholic g/f and bought this place and have been rehabbing it for over a year now.
His first question after that was. I bet you miss her? I said No sir not one bit....with a hardy laugh attached to that. ( I felt a bit odd that it wasn't a house question).
You don't miss her?
No sir my life is so much more happy now.
So you don't drink? (My radar is starting to go up here).
I said yes sir I drink. I just don't let it run my life.
You sound like my wife, he said.
Now I'm really starting to suspect something.
How's that I said. Well she bit**es about my drinking.
Now......I am starting to focus on him. His speech was a bit slurred. However he could have had a stroke etc. so I didn't use that solely, but I am now evaluating. He also is sipping pretty continuously from a Styrofoam glass with a straw and ice in it. I could hear the ice as he swished the glass.
The clue here is, it was about 45 degrees out. Not very likely somebody needs to be drinking a cold beverage.
So I'm now going to move in closer, to shake his hand and feign friendliness.
I get to within 4 feet and can smell the alcohol now.
Me: Yeah women can be like that I spose. What is her problem anyway?
Him: She says I drink too much.
Me: Do you?
Him: Do I what?
Me: (Having had these conversations now I know how to maneuver better). Do you drink too much?
Him: No. She is just being a biotch?
Me: Do you know what time it is Don?
Him: No...why do you ask.
Me: Well its pretty early in the day here. What do you have in that cup this morning?
Him: Oh just some Iced Tea.
Me: Anything else?
Him: What's your problem?
Me: No problem at all. Have a nice morning.
Then it started!
Him: Let me tell you what you SOB what I do with my life is my business. And you sound like my wife asking me questions like this. You don't know me...who the hell are you anyways?
Me: Don. Let me ask you something. Why are you here in this city park, at 8:30 in the morning, drinking? It's cold, wet and miserable out here. You could be home where its warm and comfortable.
Him: Cuz I needed to get out of the house. My wife says she is going to leave me after 32 years of marriage.
Me: Don, its none of my business what has happened to make her say this, but do you think that coming to a city park to drink booze is the best way to solve this?
Him: You know what you need to go back to where ever you came from before here. Its a good thing your girlfriend left you, you sound pretty judgmental.
Me: Have a nice day Don.
Got my dog and walked off.
They are everywhere now that I have been exposed to my ex. I just never assumed somebody sitting on a bench on a cold damp day was anything more than nuts....like me....:-)
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