thomas11

Yesterday afternoon a bunch guys I grew up with were meeting at a bar in town, then going downtown to a hockey game. After the game I think they were going to hit the downtown bars, there were 2 sober drivers. These are guys I haven't seen in a long time but spent almost everyday with them in teens and early 20's. Everyone was ordering beers and drinks, some appetizers. I had 2 diet cokes. I did not go downtown to the game, I have to go downtown tomorrow. I hate it down there.

Anyway, I guess the point is that I didn't feel any pull or pressure to drink, no one said a word (which I expected). I clearly remember the days when I went to a bar and I would WANT a drink....quickly, probably two. From there I could slide into the evening. I was also glad I felt no awkwardness about it either. Overall it was a really pleasant hour and half of my day.

SoberLeigh

Glad to hear that it went well, Jeff.

Becoming comfortable in our sober skin is a great feeling.

thomas11

Soberleigh said: Becoming comfortable in our sober skin is a great feeling.

Thank you for that, as that was my sole intention of the post.

FormerWineGirl

That good to hear thomas! Its a sense of relief when we realize we can do those things sober and actually enjoy it!

Fly N Buy

That's great , good for you!

The hardest part for me is when I don't feel that way and still not drink - cause my experience is that at 20 months there are still peaks and valleys.

Sounds like your growing and I can "hear" gratitude in your post. Cool beans.....

FreeOwl

right on!

I have been to bars many times in sobriety now, and it no longer bothers me. I won't go to a bar just to go to a bar. I generally avoid going to bars when making plans... but there are occasions for work, occasions for friends' important events, occasions when a local band I'd like to see is playing at a brewpub - and I'm grateful that my sobriety is developed and deepened to a point that I can attend such events without struggle or risk.

In the early days I wasn't able to. It felt uncomfortable. It was a struggle. I felt self-conscious and lesser.

But not anymore.

I'm glad you had that experience and hope that it serves to help you continue deepening and firming your commitment to sobriety by showing you through direct experience that you can have a good time, be social, have friends and do things without needing to drink as a part of it.

Gonnachange

Well done!

Dharma33

Nice!

Soberwolf

Congrats bud

SixStringZen

Can I play Devil's Advocate and say that maybe being comfortable in a bar in early sobriety isn't a great sign? Huge congrats on not drinking, by the way!! Just that, maybe there's a time to get back out in the world, and maybe there's a time to...well....get some time?

Please don't take that as criticism; it's just from my experience, alone...

CAPTAINZING2000

nice thing about getting older, no peer pressure

thomas11

Hi SixString, I think I know what you mean, and its a fair question. There were some conditions around why I went. One, it was mid to late afternoon, I really have no temptation to drink at that hour. Second, I will soon be back looking for work after owning my own company, these people are independently wealthy and own their own companies and are well connected around here. I need to start shaking some hands and making small talk with people in hopes of landing a job. I know that sounds shallow, but its the real world.

ScottFromWI

There's lots of places you can shake hands and make small talk besides a bar. You can go to their main offices. You can go to trade shows. You can go to job sites.

Certainly we must get "back out into the world"....but remember you are only a few weeks sober. I still don't hang out in bars 3 years plus sober, mostly because there's no reason for me to be there.

kittycat3

For sure getting older means less peer pressure! Drinkers will always want company, but in my 20s
I got a lot more peer pressure to drink than I am getting in my (late, ahem) 30s! And bonus, as we get older there are a lot of folks not drinking for a variety of reasons (health, addictions, pregnancy, nursing, driving, diets.....) wooooo!

thomas11

It was a primarily a restaurant that served liquor Scott. Social situations are the primer to get into their main offices. At least that is my experience. Lastly, I agree, I don't want to hang out in bars. And I don't.

Dee74

I think thats an incredibly important point for you Jeff.

I'm glad today went well - but have you given any thought to those situations in future in business where you'll be expected to drink?

D

thomas11

Yes Dee, I actually have. I can't/wont' join a company where there is a drinking culture. I feel fortunate enough where my age and past experiences will not pressure me into conforming into a certain lifestyle. The men I were with last night could buy and sell me 10 times over. If I felt the need to conform, last night would have been a good test. I did not cave. As I mentioned, they never blinked. They were out to have a good time, and they did. I didn't drink, but no one said a word in terms of trying to get me to "have a beer" or "do a shot". Not sure that makes a difference, but it is the reality of the situation.

thomas11

I'm dogsitting two dogs (in addition to my own) this week and I nap on the floor for about an hour every day next to my space heater. The two dogs I'm taking care of are big dogs, not poodles. Today I lay down to take my nap, I have one dog on my left, one dog on my right and the other laying on my feet. None of them will budge. Half of me wants to kick them all out, half of me appreciates they think I'm that important. I got about 30 minutes of sleep.

thomas11

Dee, I just want to mention, recently you mentioned that I made a comment "non sequetor" (sp?) to a subject that was being discussed. I know that the dog comment is non sequetor to the rest of the post, but I thought I'd mention it, as it was kind of amusing. When one is as rigid as the military throughout their day and then gets the responsibility of 300 lbs of dogs thrown on them for 9 days, it changes our day to day activity.

sva777

Glad that went well Jeff, I hope you keep it up.