Just when things were going well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13
Just when things were going well
With my own recovery just thought I was doing well
Im so broken, I left him 12 months ago, we were getting on good co parenting well, he doing great with kids like a normal dad, I have no idea if hes an alcoholic or not but it caused me enough grief to lose love and respect for him and leave him with my kids.
he drinks with kids , stuffed their minds up rubbishing my family one night, im seeing a lawyer seeing a social worker, trying to do the right thing, everyone thinks hes wonderful, maybe he is, my kids giv me grief for leaving and now his mum saying I have got it all wrong and ive made a bad decision and im ignorant.
maybe he wasn't that bad, im doubting myself all over again I absolutely HATE this,
Im so broken, I left him 12 months ago, we were getting on good co parenting well, he doing great with kids like a normal dad, I have no idea if hes an alcoholic or not but it caused me enough grief to lose love and respect for him and leave him with my kids.
he drinks with kids , stuffed their minds up rubbishing my family one night, im seeing a lawyer seeing a social worker, trying to do the right thing, everyone thinks hes wonderful, maybe he is, my kids giv me grief for leaving and now his mum saying I have got it all wrong and ive made a bad decision and im ignorant.
maybe he wasn't that bad, im doubting myself all over again I absolutely HATE this,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I'm so sorry, Minnie. I'm sure you didn't make this decision on a whim and his mother hasn't had to live with him through everything that you have, so please don't give her opinion more weight than your own. IMO, if he's talking trash about your family to the kids, things were *that* bad (they're the kids' family, too, after all) and there was a reason to leave. Sending hugs and wishing you continued strength.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Minnie....drinking with kids and trashing their family members is harmful to children....and, I consider that "bad"....this sort of thing damages children.....
You will find this a common story, here, on the forum.....and, alcoholism is progressive and lends to bad judgement in all areas of the alcoholic's life....
Families of origin often stick together.....and family members are often great enablers...it is, after all, called the "family disease"....and, the family is often in denial as much as the alcoholic is.....
With what you have written, I do not think you made the wrong decision....
You did what you had to do to protect your children.....
/remember the reasons that you left.....these other people did not LIVE with him as a mate....as theuncertainty points out!
It is important to live in your own truth.....trust what you know....
dandylion
You will find this a common story, here, on the forum.....and, alcoholism is progressive and lends to bad judgement in all areas of the alcoholic's life....
Families of origin often stick together.....and family members are often great enablers...it is, after all, called the "family disease"....and, the family is often in denial as much as the alcoholic is.....
With what you have written, I do not think you made the wrong decision....
You did what you had to do to protect your children.....
/remember the reasons that you left.....these other people did not LIVE with him as a mate....as theuncertainty points out!
It is important to live in your own truth.....trust what you know....
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13
Thanks I appreciateyour comments, I do know this I'm just finding it all abit hard, I was so close to his mum it just hurts,I'm a queen of ignorance she said
Dandylion I used to be johnno1 but couldn't log on anymore, your name I remember so well, you helped me alot on here especiallywhen I was still with him, just wanted to say hi and thanks!
Dandylion I used to be johnno1 but couldn't log on anymore, your name I remember so well, you helped me alot on here especiallywhen I was still with him, just wanted to say hi and thanks!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OH, Minnie....I remember that name, also!
If I was any help to you....I am sooo glad to hear that.....knowing that we can give back to others is the reason that so many of us are here.....it makes it all worth it....
Giving and receiving from each other makes all of us stronger and better, I think....
I can see how much you have grown. It is not always an easy path, for sure,,,lol...
dandylion
If I was any help to you....I am sooo glad to hear that.....knowing that we can give back to others is the reason that so many of us are here.....it makes it all worth it....
Giving and receiving from each other makes all of us stronger and better, I think....
I can see how much you have grown. It is not always an easy path, for sure,,,lol...
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Minnie, I think some people need to learn to mind their own business about what YOU want for yourself and your children. Even if he wasn't an alcoholic there are many reasons that relationships don't work out. There are really great men and women out there who wind up divorced and addiction has nothing to do with it. Sometimes people just aren't compatible, or they grow apart, or they have different financial goals, or their sex lives aren't satisfactory, or they argue too much over parenting styles, or....etc etc.
You made a decision because the relationship wasn't working FOR YOU! Forget about what everyone else says. What is right for you?
You made a decision because the relationship wasn't working FOR YOU! Forget about what everyone else says. What is right for you?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 276
Minnie, the other thing about an alcoholic is that you just never know -- is this going to be the day they sober up and get their life together, or are they going to kill someone while drunk driving and destroy everything?
IMHO, you did the right thing for yourself and the kids
IMHO, you did the right thing for yourself and the kids
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
Trust yourself. Perhaps reread your journal and/or threads. That's where we sometimes find the trail of evidence of what led us to the decisions we made and halt second guessing ourselves.
It can be difficult to tune out the opinions of others and "unhear" their words. I completely understand, but try your best. His family/friends will align with and support him. That's to be expected and understandable. But, try to remember none of them have lived your life with your husband. Because of that, don't let their judgments/comments make you second guess yourself. Continue to trust and believe in yourself.
It can be difficult to tune out the opinions of others and "unhear" their words. I completely understand, but try your best. His family/friends will align with and support him. That's to be expected and understandable. But, try to remember none of them have lived your life with your husband. Because of that, don't let their judgments/comments make you second guess yourself. Continue to trust and believe in yourself.
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