And it starts...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
And it starts...
He's out, he's had his phone for probably 5 minutes and he's text me twice and called once. Ignored the phone call, one word answer on the text about his car.
I can't do this. Maybe the plane will go down on his way back to the area...is that horrible?
I can't do this. Maybe the plane will go down on his way back to the area...is that horrible?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
You CAN do this. You are strong and capable. Love yourself. Get a friend or family member to keep you company for a couple of days. Go get a massage. Hot bath. casual stroll through a beautiful place. You can rock this. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
He hasn't arrived in your town yet? What's his texts / messages saying? BLOCK HIM and stay STRONG. Is there anyway you could take his boxed items and leave them with a 3rd party so there is absolutely NO reason for him to come to the house?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
JLOB.....You will get through this...(as much as you dread it and the memories of how bad he can be)........
Really, what other option is there...lol....
You have been to hell and back...and you are still standing, after all.....
You have back-up, now.....
Just stay strong and consistent in enforcing your boundaries......
It is sort of like a toddler trying to wear the mother down....
dandylion
Really, what other option is there...lol....
You have been to hell and back...and you are still standing, after all.....
You have back-up, now.....
Just stay strong and consistent in enforcing your boundaries......
It is sort of like a toddler trying to wear the mother down....
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think I'd text him and tell him to call you when he has a definite date when he wants to pick up his stuff, and that you need two days' notice. Tell him all other communications are unwelcome, and will be considered harassment.
That way, you can arrange to have someone present (the police will generally stand by for a property removal--since his stuff is all boxed up, it shouldn't take long).
If he persists with other calls, you can look into a protective order and/or have the police give him official notice he is not to contact you for any reason. If he persists after that there are various remedies including criminal charges and/or a protective order (depending on the law where you live). It might get him to back off if he sees how serious you are.
That way, you can arrange to have someone present (the police will generally stand by for a property removal--since his stuff is all boxed up, it shouldn't take long).
If he persists with other calls, you can look into a protective order and/or have the police give him official notice he is not to contact you for any reason. If he persists after that there are various remedies including criminal charges and/or a protective order (depending on the law where you live). It might get him to back off if he sees how serious you are.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Sounds like a good time to circle the wagons JL. Friends, family members, a cop or two. Get all the support you can. I wonder if you could go elsewhere and have the above mentioned support-system deal with him?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
I'm trying to not make it acrimonious cause he will just react negatively when he feels like he is being attacked. Once again the strange slow dance of addiction, manipulation and codependency.
I'm comfortable in the fact that all of the legal pieces of this are tied up in a nice little bow, so now I at least have the option to get the authorities involved if necessary. That for me will be a last resort though.
Bottom line, he can't come to my house, he needs to get his belongings, and I don't want contact. If he can't abide by those rules then its comforting to know that the law is on my side finally.
I appreciate all of the support and confidence you all are providing me. Just like everyone else here, I just need occasional reminders of what hell life with him was, how far I've come, and how I NEVER want to go back to what was.
I'm comfortable in the fact that all of the legal pieces of this are tied up in a nice little bow, so now I at least have the option to get the authorities involved if necessary. That for me will be a last resort though.
Bottom line, he can't come to my house, he needs to get his belongings, and I don't want contact. If he can't abide by those rules then its comforting to know that the law is on my side finally.
I appreciate all of the support and confidence you all are providing me. Just like everyone else here, I just need occasional reminders of what hell life with him was, how far I've come, and how I NEVER want to go back to what was.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Originally Posted by JLOBYXMAS 
I'm trying to not make it acrimonious cause he will just react negatively when he feels like he is being attacked. Once again the strange slow dance of addiction, manipulation and codependency.
I'm comfortable in the fact that all of the legal pieces of this are tied up in a nice little bow, so now I at least have the option to get the authorities involved if necessary. That for me will be a last resort though.
Bottom line, he can't come to my house, he needs to get his belongings, and I don't want contact. If he can't abide by those rules then its comforting to know that the law is on my side finally.
I appreciate all of the support and confidence you all are providing me. Just like everyone else here, I just need occasional reminders of what hell life with him was, how far I've come, and how I NEVER want to go back to what was.
I'm comfortable in the fact that all of the legal pieces of this are tied up in a nice little bow, so now I at least have the option to get the authorities involved if necessary. That for me will be a last resort though.
Bottom line, he can't come to my house, he needs to get his belongings, and I don't want contact. If he can't abide by those rules then its comforting to know that the law is on my side finally.
I appreciate all of the support and confidence you all are providing me. Just like everyone else here, I just need occasional reminders of what hell life with him was, how far I've come, and how I NEVER want to go back to what was.
Big hug! Keep breathing. Keep praying. This too will pass.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Is it possible to move his stuff to a storage facility? Pay for 30 days and give them his contact info. If he doesn't pick it up, it's on him.
Anything that gives him an excuse to show up at the house is worth getting rid of, yes? Because I can see an ongoing stream of messages and picking stuff up...but not all of it.
Been there. Sending you a hug.
Anything that gives him an excuse to show up at the house is worth getting rid of, yes? Because I can see an ongoing stream of messages and picking stuff up...but not all of it.
Been there. Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
at least you saw this coming and are prepared. it's sad and telling, but IT IS WHAT IT IS. good for you on standing your ground. you do not have to fall into old codependent ways.....you now get to make healthier choices!!!
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