6 years sober and my life is still a mess!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1
6 years sober and my life is still a mess!
I am a recovering drug addict (clean since Feb 2013) and recovering alcoholic (dry since August 2009).
My downfall into Alcoholism started early, when I was 16 and deteriorated and lasted all the way through my late teens and 20's. It took a huge toll on my health, my social life, friendships and I spent massive amounts of time on my own drinking or taking amphetamines. On occasion I mixed the two and this led me to be sectioned for 2 months at one point ten years ago. I stopped drinking when I was 31 and I am 38 now. My alcoholism and addiction has robbed me of the chance to develop life skills than normal people would develop if they weren't drunk from morning till night every day and this is why I am not making any progress in life even though I stopped such a long time ago.
Even though I stopped drinking at 31 I had developed a serious Amphetamine addiction by then and it made me extremely mentally unwell, I came very close to being sectioned again in 2013 but managed to convince the psychiatrist not to do it.
When I was at my worst addictive states I did often ponder what it would be like to be sober and the way my life is now is absolutely not what I imagined sobriety would be. I have lost a lot of teeth due to neglect and long term drinking and amphetamine use and I can't get used to wearing dentures. Even with teeth I would be incredibly socially awkward but without teeth I don't even like being in close proximity to somebody.
Yesterday was three years since I last took speed and the only thing in my life that has improved to a satisfactory level is my money situation. I have saved like hell since I stopped and I never spend anything on myself but I don't even know what to do with the money. Normal people book holidays, go on trips or learn to drive and enjoy life.
I am too much of a social cripple to do any of that. I also spend an unhealthy amount of time dwelling on the past, the wasted years, the lost years and it makes me feel even worse.
I need a strategy to pull myself out of my shell and start salvaging what's left of my life instead of constantly dwelling on the past. Without a doubt I would be dead now if I hadn't gotten clean and sober but I haven't got a clue what to do now!
My downfall into Alcoholism started early, when I was 16 and deteriorated and lasted all the way through my late teens and 20's. It took a huge toll on my health, my social life, friendships and I spent massive amounts of time on my own drinking or taking amphetamines. On occasion I mixed the two and this led me to be sectioned for 2 months at one point ten years ago. I stopped drinking when I was 31 and I am 38 now. My alcoholism and addiction has robbed me of the chance to develop life skills than normal people would develop if they weren't drunk from morning till night every day and this is why I am not making any progress in life even though I stopped such a long time ago.
Even though I stopped drinking at 31 I had developed a serious Amphetamine addiction by then and it made me extremely mentally unwell, I came very close to being sectioned again in 2013 but managed to convince the psychiatrist not to do it.
When I was at my worst addictive states I did often ponder what it would be like to be sober and the way my life is now is absolutely not what I imagined sobriety would be. I have lost a lot of teeth due to neglect and long term drinking and amphetamine use and I can't get used to wearing dentures. Even with teeth I would be incredibly socially awkward but without teeth I don't even like being in close proximity to somebody.
Yesterday was three years since I last took speed and the only thing in my life that has improved to a satisfactory level is my money situation. I have saved like hell since I stopped and I never spend anything on myself but I don't even know what to do with the money. Normal people book holidays, go on trips or learn to drive and enjoy life.
I am too much of a social cripple to do any of that. I also spend an unhealthy amount of time dwelling on the past, the wasted years, the lost years and it makes me feel even worse.
I need a strategy to pull myself out of my shell and start salvaging what's left of my life instead of constantly dwelling on the past. Without a doubt I would be dead now if I hadn't gotten clean and sober but I haven't got a clue what to do now!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Welcome, glad your'e here and well done on being sober/drug free~!
Have you considered counselling for your phobia? Many find some relief in working with a professional.
I attend meetings and many times just sit and listen to others - I share only as I choose which isn't often, but have made some friends who are like me.
Have you considered counselling for your phobia? Many find some relief in working with a professional.
I attend meetings and many times just sit and listen to others - I share only as I choose which isn't often, but have made some friends who are like me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Im sorry you feel that way, but know you did the right thing in getting sober and drug free. I am 100% sure of that.
I would agree that I might consider professional counseling, I know the thought is not ideal to most people, but sometimes that is what needs to be done to get on track. There is no shame in it. Only you would know, and of course a DR who is legally going to keep your issues to himself/herself.
You have done what so many others have failed to do. That is kick drugs and alcohol. You should be proud of that. Life sometimes just isnt easy, damn staples commercial with that "easy button" but know you did the right thing. And for that I congratulate you.
Consider counseling especially if you dont want to be seen my many other people while getting help. It might really do the trick for you. Hope you stick around and give your advice to newcomers on how you successful you kick your addictions.
Welcome.
I would agree that I might consider professional counseling, I know the thought is not ideal to most people, but sometimes that is what needs to be done to get on track. There is no shame in it. Only you would know, and of course a DR who is legally going to keep your issues to himself/herself.
You have done what so many others have failed to do. That is kick drugs and alcohol. You should be proud of that. Life sometimes just isnt easy, damn staples commercial with that "easy button" but know you did the right thing. And for that I congratulate you.
Consider counseling especially if you dont want to be seen my many other people while getting help. It might really do the trick for you. Hope you stick around and give your advice to newcomers on how you successful you kick your addictions.
Welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Boris, I'm sorry that you're struggling.
Have you considered getting some kind of counselling? Of course, life in recovery is not perfect for most people, but it's sad that you aren't able to enjoy yourself.
Have you considered getting some kind of counselling? Of course, life in recovery is not perfect for most people, but it's sad that you aren't able to enjoy yourself.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Your life may not be ideal, but it's MUCH better than it would have been if you hadn't quit!!! At least you're alive to be able to consider what your next move should be!!!
IMHO, there's a common mistake amongst people who get sober -- they aren't sure how to get back into life. So, unsure what to do, they sit back and wait for life to happen...which it doesn't. At least not in a very satisfying way.
If I'm any example, re-building a decent life requires forcing oneself to take small steps out of our safe zones. I actually set social goals for myself each week. Go to 1-2 social events and speak to at least two people. Leave the house every day, even if it's not required for work (I'm self-employed). Take small steps to improve my appearance by paying attention to my attire, grooming, etc.
These may sound awfully trivial, but added together, they're really making a difference in my outlook on life. Consider if maybe they might be helpful for you, as well?
IMHO, there's a common mistake amongst people who get sober -- they aren't sure how to get back into life. So, unsure what to do, they sit back and wait for life to happen...which it doesn't. At least not in a very satisfying way.
If I'm any example, re-building a decent life requires forcing oneself to take small steps out of our safe zones. I actually set social goals for myself each week. Go to 1-2 social events and speak to at least two people. Leave the house every day, even if it's not required for work (I'm self-employed). Take small steps to improve my appearance by paying attention to my attire, grooming, etc.
These may sound awfully trivial, but added together, they're really making a difference in my outlook on life. Consider if maybe they might be helpful for you, as well?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,965
You have 3 years of total abstinence, and this is terrific! Other than not use and save money, what have you done to improve you? I don't need a written response, just something for you to consider.
I went to AA. I learned to be uncomfortable in a crowd and eventually learned to be comfortable in a crowd. I learned to be a friend, which took time. I learned so many things by being uncomfortable for a short period of time, but I did learn. Maybe being part of a group can help you, too?
I went to AA. I learned to be uncomfortable in a crowd and eventually learned to be comfortable in a crowd. I learned to be a friend, which took time. I learned so many things by being uncomfortable for a short period of time, but I did learn. Maybe being part of a group can help you, too?
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
hey there
some good advice here not boris
its awesome you have managed to achieve what you have, even if you feel like you do......
you are among friends here, trust me you will find support and help.
van
some good advice here not boris
its awesome you have managed to achieve what you have, even if you feel like you do......
you are among friends here, trust me you will find support and help.
van
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Have you made any positive life changes in your sobriety? Just because we stop drinking or using drugs everything in our life doesn't necessarily get better all of a sudden. Have you considered going to AA? or maybe some other kind of support group? Therapists...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family! 
Congrats on your clean and sober time. 
I would also suggest a good counselor to talk with, and maybe go to some AA meetings. They will welcome you there with open arms.
Congrats on your clean and sober time. I would also suggest a good counselor to talk with, and maybe go to some AA meetings. They will welcome you there with open arms. Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Like others have said, have you tried counselling....or what about a life coach type counselling!..
Sometimes opportunities do fall into our lap but most of the time we make them happen.
You sound so socially aware and I think that is awesome..thought, plan and action.
Have you talked to the dentist about the dentures, there might be something they can do to help;
perhaps a better fitting pair that is worth persevering with while you get used to them.
Feeling confident about our appearance can play a big part with how we interact F2Fwith others.
A place I worked at years ago there was a guy that was socially unskilled and would say kind of
inappropriate things, mostly due to his upbringing and personality. The boss sent him to a social skills course...it went well.
Are you working?
P.S. Fantastic job on your sobriety, you are doing great
Sometimes opportunities do fall into our lap but most of the time we make them happen.
You sound so socially aware and I think that is awesome..thought, plan and action.
Have you talked to the dentist about the dentures, there might be something they can do to help;
perhaps a better fitting pair that is worth persevering with while you get used to them.
Feeling confident about our appearance can play a big part with how we interact F2Fwith others.
A place I worked at years ago there was a guy that was socially unskilled and would say kind of
inappropriate things, mostly due to his upbringing and personality. The boss sent him to a social skills course...it went well.
Are you working?
P.S. Fantastic job on your sobriety, you are doing great
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Congrats on being, and staying, clean! Everything you described...there's a solution for that. The 12 steps of AA. I really believe that if you attend step meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps you will recover. The steps will help you understand, manage, and overcome your fears. The steps will help you to get out of your head and live a useful, sober life. The steps are the only thing that helped me recover from the hopeless state of mind and body you just described. I tried counseling, meditation, anti depressants, anti anxiety meds etc. The steps are the only thing that worked for me. I really believe they can work for you too! Hugs to you friend!
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