I need some help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
I need some help
I relapsed again and really beating myself up as i know better.
I met a wonderful lady in July of last year and I love her so much, she is a Dr in mental health and doesn't understand.
We bought a home on the ocean, I fixer upper which I love to do although my background is corporate finance and I am semi retired.
I have no idea why I relapsed as everything has being going so well, She is very mad and I am so ashamed. And I am having a hard time getting my feet under me.
I went back to emergency yesterday but the doctor was young and did not IMHO understand, Detox is not an option as they have a three waiting list.
I was described meds but they are not working, aIl just want to cry. I last drink Thursday and today I am still shaking and sweating, I do not know what to do as I did not binge but this is shear hell.
Andrew
I met a wonderful lady in July of last year and I love her so much, she is a Dr in mental health and doesn't understand.
We bought a home on the ocean, I fixer upper which I love to do although my background is corporate finance and I am semi retired.
I have no idea why I relapsed as everything has being going so well, She is very mad and I am so ashamed. And I am having a hard time getting my feet under me.
I went back to emergency yesterday but the doctor was young and did not IMHO understand, Detox is not an option as they have a three waiting list.
I was described meds but they are not working, aIl just want to cry. I last drink Thursday and today I am still shaking and sweating, I do not know what to do as I did not binge but this is shear hell.
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Detox isn't an option? Just because there's a waiting list doesn't mean it's not an option.
Have you considered getting through the door of an AA meeting?
We're here to help, but it sounds to me like you could really use some understanding, face-to-face help and support.
Have you considered getting through the door of an AA meeting?
We're here to help, but it sounds to me like you could really use some understanding, face-to-face help and support.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Probe a little harder about how the relapse happened. What were you doing? When did the thought first occur to you? Etc.
Please don't settle for not understanding -- you have to get to the bottom of it so that you'll have a better idea how to prevent it in the future.
One school of thought holds that it's wrong to attribute the relapse to anything external. I'm not suggesting that exonerate yourself from responsibility. But there were both internal and external conditions which preceded the relapse and if you can identify those, you'll come back stronger than ever.
Please don't let this mishap go to waste. Turn it into a learning event that strengthens your lifelong sobriety.
Please don't settle for not understanding -- you have to get to the bottom of it so that you'll have a better idea how to prevent it in the future.
One school of thought holds that it's wrong to attribute the relapse to anything external. I'm not suggesting that exonerate yourself from responsibility. But there were both internal and external conditions which preceded the relapse and if you can identify those, you'll come back stronger than ever.
Please don't let this mishap go to waste. Turn it into a learning event that strengthens your lifelong sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by ALinNS 
I relapsed again and really beating myself up as i know better.
I met a wonderful lady in July of last year and I love her so much, she is a Dr in mental health and doesn't understand.
We bought a home on the ocean, I fixer upper which I love to do although my background is corporate finance and I am semi retired.
I have no idea why I relapsed as everything has being going so well, She is very mad and I am so ashamed. And I am having a hard time getting my feet under me.
I went back to emergency yesterday but the doctor was young and did not IMHO understand, Detox is not an option as they have a three waiting list.
I was described meds but they are not working, aIl just want to cry. I last drink Thursday and today I am still shaking and sweating, I do not know what to do as I did not binge but this is shear hell.
Andrew
I met a wonderful lady in July of last year and I love her so much, she is a Dr in mental health and doesn't understand.
We bought a home on the ocean, I fixer upper which I love to do although my background is corporate finance and I am semi retired.
I have no idea why I relapsed as everything has being going so well, She is very mad and I am so ashamed. And I am having a hard time getting my feet under me.
I went back to emergency yesterday but the doctor was young and did not IMHO understand, Detox is not an option as they have a three waiting list.
I was described meds but they are not working, aIl just want to cry. I last drink Thursday and today I am still shaking and sweating, I do not know what to do as I did not binge but this is shear hell.
Andrew
I don't know what meds you were prescribed, but some take a week, maybe two to start working. Also, shaking and sweating can be temporary side-effects. Make sure you read the leaflet that comes with the meds.
You say: "I have no idea why I relapsed". THAT is what you should look into examine it and figure out what caused you to relapse. Then, make a plan for that trigger and you'll have taken an important step.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I agree with Least pick yourself up dust yourself down & try again il Inc D's plan link & my useful links to excellent SR threads don't dwell on this its happened
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm sorry too, Andrew.
And I'm also fairly certain that you know why or at least how.
When we last saw you around these parts you were angry with "your better half" for asking you about relapse. What was going on there? Did you two discuss what she perceived before you started drinking?
I don't mean to be sounding "tough" on you because I'm the last person in the world that has any ground to stake on relapse prevention. But being an expert in the art, I also firmly believe that we plan our own relapses.
We're all here to support you - you know that.
I'm wondering if you can dissect this recent incident if it might help to resolve the shaking and sweating? For me, those symptoms are confusing because they come from withdrawal but they also come from anxiety.
And I'm also fairly certain that you know why or at least how.
When we last saw you around these parts you were angry with "your better half" for asking you about relapse. What was going on there? Did you two discuss what she perceived before you started drinking?
I don't mean to be sounding "tough" on you because I'm the last person in the world that has any ground to stake on relapse prevention. But being an expert in the art, I also firmly believe that we plan our own relapses.
We're all here to support you - you know that.
I'm wondering if you can dissect this recent incident if it might help to resolve the shaking and sweating? For me, those symptoms are confusing because they come from withdrawal but they also come from anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Andrew,
I am so sorry that this happened.
I have needed to do a lot of work on my other issues, including resentment.
For whatever reason, I fear this stemmed back to your partner accusing you and you resented it. Or did she see something before you did?? chicken/egg..
Either way, I hope you can find your way back home to yourself.
I am working through a great book called the 21 day conscious cleanse by Debbie Ford. Check it out.
I agree with O that if you can figure this out, you may well feel better.
Lots of love from Belgium.
I am so sorry that this happened.
I have needed to do a lot of work on my other issues, including resentment.
For whatever reason, I fear this stemmed back to your partner accusing you and you resented it. Or did she see something before you did?? chicken/egg..
Either way, I hope you can find your way back home to yourself.
I am working through a great book called the 21 day conscious cleanse by Debbie Ford. Check it out.
I agree with O that if you can figure this out, you may well feel better.
Lots of love from Belgium.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I'm sorry you're hurting, Andrew. Thankfully, you didn't continue drinking & are working on making things right. Maybe you needed further proof that it does nothing but ruin us. You'll be more determined now. Glad you posted - please let us know how it's going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry you relapsed.
If you need medical help to detox insist upon it. MIf the hospital won;t help see a private DR. It would be money well spent.
Once you get that sorted you can look back at the incident that IMO started this whole ball rolling?
D
If you need medical help to detox insist upon it. MIf the hospital won;t help see a private DR. It would be money well spent.
Once you get that sorted you can look back at the incident that IMO started this whole ball rolling?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Andrew, as others have said, please insist on a medical detox if you are concerned at all. I hope you feel physically better soon, and please begin to forgive yourself.
I often sabotaged myself when things were going well. I would feel anxious because I wasn't used to those positive feelings and messing up felt more comfortable. Believe in yourself and that you deserve a good life.
I often sabotaged myself when things were going well. I would feel anxious because I wasn't used to those positive feelings and messing up felt more comfortable. Believe in yourself and that you deserve a good life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
How are you feeling today??
I agree with Anna, as usual.
I have an inner masochist that likes to play with my inner bully, and when Big Momma comes in and stops the music, they both throw their toys out of the sandbox.
Sorry kids, play time is over. Put down your swords, Momma has signed a peace treaty and is calling a truce. You guys can ride in the boat, but she is steering, has control over the radio, and the gas pedal. Ride with us quietly or stay here, but the boat is leaving.
I was saying on another thread that this is your only ride on this life boat Andrew, and you deserve to do it with fun, love, and peace. So do I, so does your partner.
I actually made a deal with my higher self yesterday -- I have been feeling so much more at peace for the first time in my life that I agreed with her that I would 100 percent take booze off the table forever in trust that I get more where this came from.
But you have to have faith, and trust.
I am a logical, mind driven lawyer, CPA, MBA in finance, so faith and trust in something i can't see is not my strong suit. But them i realised that the old approach has gotten me where I am, so why not a bit of woo woo faith, trust.
Put my heart in charge and see what happens. And try to find peace with your partner.
What the heck, its all supposed to be fun anyway.
I agree with Anna, as usual.
I have an inner masochist that likes to play with my inner bully, and when Big Momma comes in and stops the music, they both throw their toys out of the sandbox.
Sorry kids, play time is over. Put down your swords, Momma has signed a peace treaty and is calling a truce. You guys can ride in the boat, but she is steering, has control over the radio, and the gas pedal. Ride with us quietly or stay here, but the boat is leaving.
I was saying on another thread that this is your only ride on this life boat Andrew, and you deserve to do it with fun, love, and peace. So do I, so does your partner.
I actually made a deal with my higher self yesterday -- I have been feeling so much more at peace for the first time in my life that I agreed with her that I would 100 percent take booze off the table forever in trust that I get more where this came from.
But you have to have faith, and trust.
I am a logical, mind driven lawyer, CPA, MBA in finance, so faith and trust in something i can't see is not my strong suit. But them i realised that the old approach has gotten me where I am, so why not a bit of woo woo faith, trust.
Put my heart in charge and see what happens. And try to find peace with your partner.
What the heck, its all supposed to be fun anyway.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
"I have no idea why I relapsed as everything has being going so well"
Maybe that's why. I tend to stop drinking when things get really bad, it's the only time I find the strength. When things get better a few drinks will not hurt. Rinse and repeat.
Maybe that's why. I tend to stop drinking when things get really bad, it's the only time I find the strength. When things get better a few drinks will not hurt. Rinse and repeat.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
For me, trying to find the "reasons" for my numerous relapses were a fool's errand. Relapses happened whether I was happy or sad; stressed or relaxed; resentful or altruistic. I drank because I was addicted to alcohol.
There was no combination of circumstances that could force me to get sober as long as I still wanted to get drunk more than I wanted to be sober.
Conversely, there is no combination of circumstances that can force me to drink as long as I want to remain sober more than I want to get drunk.
Once I finally made sobriety my absolute priority and did whatever it took to keep it that way, I was done relapsing. "Whatever it took" included making fundamental changes in how I dealt with my emotional reactions to whatever life threw at me. It didn't mean analyzing "why" I drank.
That said, it was a process and didn't happen overnight. I know it's hard when your emotions are all in a stew from drinking, but try not to beat yourself up over this incident. As others have said, learn from it, move on, and stick to the plan (whatever your plan may be).
There was no combination of circumstances that could force me to get sober as long as I still wanted to get drunk more than I wanted to be sober.
Conversely, there is no combination of circumstances that can force me to drink as long as I want to remain sober more than I want to get drunk.
Once I finally made sobriety my absolute priority and did whatever it took to keep it that way, I was done relapsing. "Whatever it took" included making fundamental changes in how I dealt with my emotional reactions to whatever life threw at me. It didn't mean analyzing "why" I drank.
That said, it was a process and didn't happen overnight. I know it's hard when your emotions are all in a stew from drinking, but try not to beat yourself up over this incident. As others have said, learn from it, move on, and stick to the plan (whatever your plan may be).
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