ICanDoBetter

I know that we are all wired differently and that the journey is unique for us all. At present in tackling this through support from this forum, conversing with a friend who is recovered and participated with AA, and ongoing dialogue with my husband.

My curiosity is whether others have been successful in the absence of an in person AA program. I do not want to be naive about things. However, at the moment things are going quite well as is and the thought of finding and fitting in meetings stresses me out and feels like undue pressure (given everything else in life that is on my plate adding meetings to it feels overwhelming - which in turn seems counterproductive).

Can others share how they have tackled this journey? The various tools and support structures that have made up the solution for you?

least

For the first few years of my recovery I saw an addiction counselor once a week. I come here daily, and have for 8 yrs. I no longer see the counselor but still come to SR every day to read and post. It's kept me sober over six years.

Delilah1

SR is my biggest tool, I also use Women for Sobroery online, read, journal, exercise (mainly walking and yoga), and daily texting with a sober buddy who stopped again the same day as me.

My kids are 12, 11, and 8 so their schedules and my job keep me busy as well. In my opinion recovery is not one size fits all, but individually tailored. My current plan has been working well. If I started to feel differently I would add something else in. I have 52 days, so not a lot of sober time, but I can share that in the past I returned to Sri king when I became complacent with my plan. I stopped logging in here daily, stopped journaling, and when the idea of having "just one glass of wine," popped into my head I didn't add more tools or stick closely by SR.

You need to find the plan that has all of the supports you need.;-)

FormerWineGirl

SR is my primary support. I also read and continue to read various material related to alcoholism and recovery. Although I have never utilized AA or any other formal plan I have not taken the option off of table if at some point I feel I need it.

I think the important thing to remember is that it is a personal journey and everyone is different. Formulate a plan that works for you. However, equally important is the willingness to keep an open mind regarding recovery. We change with time, and what works today may need to be tweaked along the way.

FreeOwl

Happily working on my third year of sobriety...

I don't go to AA meetings too frequently or often, but I'm sure I wouldnt be here if AA meetings, the Big Book and step work hadnt been among my tools of recovery

PaulDaveSmithJo

My approach was more oriented to a number of things which can be subsumed under the concept of "mindfulness."

Mindfulness, if I understand it correctly, helped me to target my desire. This involved a number of things:

1) Seeing alcohol for what it is: a poison (literally - i.e., it is fatal if taken in large doses).

2) Understanding the role of dopamine and serotonin in both addiction (how it confuses their natural processes and thus creates a confused desire) and recovery (how I must seek healthy means to release these chemicals into my body).

3) Understanding that I can separate my thoughts (such as desire) from my self; I can experience desire, but I don't have to act on it. I can dispute and therefore disempower my unhealthy desires.

4) Understanding that the brain is changeable and adaptable, not only on a psychological level, but a neurological level. Disputing thoughts can actually 're-wire' the brain, and free it from taking well-worn routes of thinking. It can, on a physical/neurological level, re-orient itself away from old habits and proclivities (this phenomenon is referred to as "neuroplasticity").

There are a lot of materials which take this approach:

On seeing alcohol for what it is:
Alan Carr, The Easy Way to Quit Drinking

On the chemistry and biology of addiction:
Mark Lewis, The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease; Gabor Mate, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts; Markus Heilig, The Thirteenth Step: Addiction in the Age of Brain Science

On thoughts vs. self:
Bhante Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English; Jack Trimpey, Rational Recovery

On neuroplasticity:
Jeffrey M. Schwartz, You Are Not Your Brain, Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself

SoberinSyracuse

Participation in AA was directly related to my relapse on my first two attempts at sobriety. I only made it a few weeks while looking to them for understanding/support and being exposed to their "steps" and philosophies. I was a miserable dry drunk who quickly relapsed.

This time 'round, I'm a happy sober person who rarely thinks about alcohol. The difference is that I approached it as a physiological addiction rather than a character defect or disease.

Please don't believe that AA is necessary for recovery. It's not and, for some people, it has the opposite effect. If you feel stressed about seeking/attending meetings you might want to consider if the AA treatment format is right for you, because frequent or daily meeting attendance is STRONGLY encouraged.

MIRecovery

If it wasn't for the meetings, steps, and fellowship I wouldn't be sober.

"Half measures availed us nothing. "

strategery

I've got a over a year and have used SR and the SR chat meetings. I have not used any in person recovery meetings, but have spent a lot of time working on my thinking, in addition to HALT, and AVRT, which are tools many people use here.
It is possible to recover without in person meetings, but it just depends on what kind of support works for you, and how much work you're willing to put in on your own.

FreeOwl

Also.... I never thought I needed either.

Until I finally realized I did.

And that was only through experiencing it.

Turns out, in adddiction I was a pretty terrible judge of my needs.

phlowing

I have seen AA do amzing things for people, and it no doubt works for some. I have nothing "against" AA, I have gone to a meeting just to listen, and may again. However, I found the steps, a reliance on something other than the self, the belief wthat we are all the same, and the strict guidelines do not work for me. What I have done this time around is build a routine with meditation (still working on that), Smart Recovery meetings and practices, seeing a counselor, and excerrsize, specifically running. I can't stress how much of a godsend running has been (been waiting patiently for my bfast to digest to get out there). I simply know 1 drink and who the hell knows where I will be next week. Im 7 months today and theres still a lot to figure out but way better than waking up and reaching for a plastic vodka bottle for sure

ICanDoBetter

Thank you for the perspectives everyone. The comments about the guidelines and structure are part of what make me think a format specific plan isn't for me. Typically when I attempt something like that (running training programs for example) one slight deviation from the defined plan leaves me feeling completely derailed. I have a plan and several support structures in motion .. And I'm not ruling AA out downstream if/as things change.

Lance40

ICanDoBetter - I think some of the most aspects of recovery are community, relationship and support with others who can personally relate to you whether that be online or one on one face to face or participating in a group.

48heath

No daily attendance at meetings is not encouraged,few places in the world have the luxury of daily meetings.Some Countries have none,people still stay sober though.The reason you drank is because you wanted to,not because you were attending meetings.

FreeOwl

Im a lot like you in that regard.

Just so you are aware: you can use AA in the ways it works for you. Just like Ive taken aspects of training plans in my own approach to marathons and ultras, I have taken what works for ME from AA.

My view on recovery is that I will never again judge a method or approach or a tool that has worked for others, and I believe that all of them have something to offer me if I am humble enough to open my mind and listen and experience them for myself.

In this way, I am always learning, always growing, always adding depth to my sobriety.

Soberwolf

When i first attempted sobriety I was going to AA for 3 months I was slowly building up sober days in that time 7 days here 5 days there 10 days etc

Then I stopped going AA as I had to figure it out because I kept relapsing this had nothing to do with AA but with my inability to remain sober

I got to 90 days sober on my own and I returned to AA and this time I knew I was ready 3 months turned to 6 turned to 9 and by month 11 just shy of receiving a year chip I decided AA wasn't for me

That's when I found SR at 13 months sober in august 2014 I havnt looked back I'm less than 50 days away from a 1000 days sober which is good

I still have friends & family very active in AA CA & NA I still talk to my friends & I'm still in touch with the guy I asked to be my sponser he's a great guy & like a big brother but in a good way he always has time for me & vice versa

Whether it's AA SR Smart AVRT Lifering SOS whatever it is it will work if you want it to

The other night I was saying to Mrs sw about how AA are all over the world I said let me check out the countries I wouldn't expect AA to be in

I checked Greenland - AA are there

I checked Honduras - AA are there

I checked out little known countries in Africa - AA are there

I already knew this but AA are in Iran & other countries where alcohol consumption can result in death and that to me says it all

If it wasn't for AA the meetings the service the people I met I would proberly be dead and I think that goes for more than a few ppl

But yeah AA is in Honduras & Iran that blew my mind

MidnightBlue

Hi ICanDoBetter.

I am 3+ years sober. Never been to AA.

In early sobriety SR was my lifeline. Back then I didn't know a thing about recovery process, and support along with lots of information and wisdom from other members was just like another Universe.

Also planning ahead my activities, tracking and recognizing patterns which served as high triggers for urges, being ready and prepared - all this was a must.

One day at a time mantra helped too - do not overwhelm yourself with worries "what if I go to vacation... What if I lose friends....What am I going to say to people when they ask why I don't drink.... It all works out in its own time.

Honestly, for me it was and still essential (still recovery widened to other areas of my life which needed re-evaluation and improvement) to grown my "inner recovery" , my inner core and understanding of my own values and place in this world which will be as independent as possible from outer circumstances , so that even if I left alone in an isolated island with a stash of super-top-notch wine, I will still be strong enough to handle it.

And, it's also important to work on recovery every day , without exception. By "work" I mean not some kind of tedious ordeals , but anything than helps you to understand yourself more - meditation , reading, taking some time to be mindful, trying something new, working out, etc - it's all part of recovery which build up.

Don't worry.

Best wishes to you.

ICanDoBetter

👍😊

Dee74

I didn't use AA or any other method.
I wanted to stop - I desperately didn't want to die and I wanted change - and I used SR for help and support.

so, yeah, it's possible to do it that way, but we're all different as you say.

For someone else AA might be their way, or SMART, or Rational Recovery, returning to Church, or a mix of those things....the permutations are endless really.

That's why I encourage everyone to seek out a variety of ways up the mountain and pick the way that makes most sense to them

sugarbear1

I have not found any strict guidelines or structure to be part of AA. I do know those 12 steps saved my life and helped me to know me better. Today I live a selfless life and am blessed beyond belief because of AA existing.

My relapses in my past were a direct result of me wanting to drink more than I wanted to stay sober. No person or fellowship was directly related to my relapsing. Just me and my willpower to drink.

There are many ways to stay stopped, find what works for you and keep at it!!!!