Liveitwell

To say I lived this is an understatement. It felt like a weekly, sometimes daily, occurrence with my then narc alcoholic husband. I literally felt like I was having the same conversations with him as I was with my four year old-because I was!! Sicko. Def red flag that I overlooked greatly when we met....he never cared of or thought about how his actions may hurt others-he was going to do whatever he darn well pleased-regardless. Like a toddler!!

"Red flag: you find yourself explaining the basic human elements of kindness and respect to a grown adult. Normal people understand these concepts. No adult should need to be told how they are makkng other people feel."

Yep times a million.

amy55

I once tried to say to my ex, "do you even think or care about how I feel when you call me a f......... ugly witch.". He told me "no". That never crossed his mind, he was just trying to hurt me as much as he could. Believe it or not, that was actually his apology.

((((((hugs))))))
amy

Liveitwell

I think we were married to the same person. I told my ex one night after finding him outside drinking while he left our then 16 month inside alone eating in her high hair-with big sister-five years old-tasked to watch her-told him in so many words he was a POS and did it ever occur to him she could choke and die?!? What lunatic leaves his kid eating alone-period-but in a high chair?! My oldest was freaked to the max that her sister could have died-meanwhile I got drunk bitched out and told to stop making such a big deal out of it-that the problem was that I just bitched at him about anything he did and I was overreacting. Lesson in narcissism, ladies and gentlemen. Needless to say I revoked his parenting privileges the next day-no more driving the kids, ever , and no more picking them up from school-I told him the schools were aware of him. I was even more bitched out bc of that/bc I was the problem (I was outing him), not him. The fact that she could have died was completely lost on him-and the fact that he had, and did a lot, put way too much on the shoulders of a five year old, was lost on him as well. Total lost cause.

Liveitwell

I think the worst was when he slurred drunkly calling our four year old a whiny bitch. I let him have it-I was appalled. His response?! Who gives a crap-that's how my family acts-my mommy and sissy and I call each other names, curse each other out and we are fine. Again, trying to explain these basic elements to a grown "man" (and I use that term loosely-he is no man), got to be a tiring effort day in and day out. It was like talking to a kid: "listen little bobby, we don't call names because it hurts the other person. Don't blame your name calling on someone else-it's not ok". Hitting head on the wall...ugh.

amy55

Hey, let it all out. We're friends here. I completely see where you are coming from.

I actually think this is a healthy vent for you. I didn't have this when I had left. I wrote all this stuff out in a journal, and yes, it was things like you are saying. Then I think it was my 2nd divorcary, I burned everything. I needed to get him out of my head.

Take as long as you need. Cleanse that stuff from your mind. I'm listening.

(((((hugs))))
amy

Liveitwell

No, it's old stuff. I've vented plenty. It's just surreal, that's all. Surreal to have those types of conversations. With an adult.

amy55

I needed to vent a lot also. And yes, it was old stuff. Needed to vent that stuff, to get the "voice" out of my head.

I think you are doing terrific, and you are a wonderful person. So happy to have met you here on this forum.

((((((hugs))))))
amy

Refiner

I'm envisioning Little Bobby, Mommy, and Sissy all walking around with big ole L's on their foreheads LoLoL!!!

Liveitwell

^ thank you for the mental picture this morning!