I can't seem to get out of this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
I can't seem to get out of this.
I'm sitting in a parking lot 20 minutes from home drinking in my car because I hate my spouses controlling behavior and don't know how to deal with it. I make up excuses as to why I can't be home on time after work so I can avoid him and drink instead. He dictates what I do and when I do it. If I want to workout at the gym- (which makes me feel happy) he'll come up with many reasons why it's selfish to leave the house when there's more important things to be done. I'm starting to dislike him. Somebody please tell me to stop hurting myself by drinking in a parking lot unread of going home and stand up to him. I'm a coward and don't have anywhere else to go if I do stand up to him.
Please don't drive if you've been drinking. It's too risky. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
I'm not so good on relationship advice, but I know adding booze into the equation makes things worse.
Please stop drinking now and find a safe way to get home.
Then with a clear mind in a few days, you can decide how to handle your personal business.
Please stop drinking now and find a safe way to get home.
Then with a clear mind in a few days, you can decide how to handle your personal business.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm glad you have finally posted, Bookaholic! But I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation. Please don't be driving while you're drinking- you don't want to hurt anyone else, nor yourself.
I never did AA but it has helped many. If you list the general area where you live maybe someone will know some numbers for local resources.
It seems that you have two distinct problems, your drinking and your spouse. As a divorced guy I can't offer much good advice on the latter but you have the ability to change the former. You are the only one you can change!
I'm glad you came here, Book! Please be safe.
I never did AA but it has helped many. If you list the general area where you live maybe someone will know some numbers for local resources.
It seems that you have two distinct problems, your drinking and your spouse. As a divorced guy I can't offer much good advice on the latter but you have the ability to change the former. You are the only one you can change!
I'm glad you came here, Book! Please be safe.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You know, if my partner was sitting in parking lots drinking then I'd probably end up getting suspicious and acting weird and 'controlling' as well.
Why not remove the alcohol and see if things improve (first things first). If they don't improve with him, at least you'll be clear headed and in a fit state to think of a way forward without him.
Personally, I found that when I stopped behaving in insane ways because I wanted to drink, things gradually started getting better.
Can you walk home from where you are, or get a bus / taxi / lift? A dui charge wouldn't help anything right now any more than alcohol will.
Why not remove the alcohol and see if things improve (first things first). If they don't improve with him, at least you'll be clear headed and in a fit state to think of a way forward without him.
Personally, I found that when I stopped behaving in insane ways because I wanted to drink, things gradually started getting better.
Can you walk home from where you are, or get a bus / taxi / lift? A dui charge wouldn't help anything right now any more than alcohol will.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone. I texted my sister and she picked me up and brought me to her house. You all gave sound advice and I agree with your thoughts. It's so good to be able to reach out to others that have experienced similar lows. I know I need to work out my drinking issues first.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
*"If I want to workout at the gym- (which makes me feel happy) he'll come up with many reasons why it's selfish to leave the house when there's more important things to be done.*"
**** that noise. Do what you want. He may be your spouse but it's your life.
~Bunnez
**** that noise. Do what you want. He may be your spouse but it's your life.
~Bunnez
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Problem + drinking = 2 problems with the possibility of legal, health, and overall wellbeing issues. It can easily equate to a much higher factor.
Take my situation, for example.
I went through a divorce in 2011. Completely tore my world apart. I drank a lot more than normal....which was already too much. I drank because it made life more bearable.
What I didn't realize was that drinking was making life more UNbearable.
Constantly consuming a depressant made my depression 100 times worse. My depressive state effected my overall outlook on life. My work suffered because I had a "screw it" mentality.
I lost my job a few months later. I still didn't connect the dots though. I drank even more. I had a lot of issues in my life that was causing stress. Alcohol seemed like the only escape.
I spent all my 401k and lost my house. Went bankrupt. I was AVOIDING issues instead of dealing with them. Alcohol is was fueled my avoidance.
My problems kept getting worse. I was not dealing with them at all, so they never went away. And meanwhile, I was adding more problems along the way. Then they would grow like a weed in an unattended garden.
I had many issues and problems to deal with. But the biggest one turned out to be my drinking. I didn't even realize that until a lot of damage had been done.
My first step towards dealing with everything that was in my plate was to quit drinking. From there, I had a clear head and could focus on the issues that needed addressed.
Look at what you can do for yourself first. Address the things you have control over. Quitting alcohol has to be the first step.
After that, you can work with a clear mind and you'll find ways to solve your problems. It won't be easy. It will take work to solve problems. And it most likely will be painful or at least uncomfortable, but the discomfort will be short lived. No pain / no gain. You can reverse that formula....no gain without pain.
Stop drinking. Heal yourself first. Then deal with everything else.
Take my situation, for example.
I went through a divorce in 2011. Completely tore my world apart. I drank a lot more than normal....which was already too much. I drank because it made life more bearable.
What I didn't realize was that drinking was making life more UNbearable.
Constantly consuming a depressant made my depression 100 times worse. My depressive state effected my overall outlook on life. My work suffered because I had a "screw it" mentality.
I lost my job a few months later. I still didn't connect the dots though. I drank even more. I had a lot of issues in my life that was causing stress. Alcohol seemed like the only escape.
I spent all my 401k and lost my house. Went bankrupt. I was AVOIDING issues instead of dealing with them. Alcohol is was fueled my avoidance.
My problems kept getting worse. I was not dealing with them at all, so they never went away. And meanwhile, I was adding more problems along the way. Then they would grow like a weed in an unattended garden.
I had many issues and problems to deal with. But the biggest one turned out to be my drinking. I didn't even realize that until a lot of damage had been done.
My first step towards dealing with everything that was in my plate was to quit drinking. From there, I had a clear head and could focus on the issues that needed addressed.
Look at what you can do for yourself first. Address the things you have control over. Quitting alcohol has to be the first step.
After that, you can work with a clear mind and you'll find ways to solve your problems. It won't be easy. It will take work to solve problems. And it most likely will be painful or at least uncomfortable, but the discomfort will be short lived. No pain / no gain. You can reverse that formula....no gain without pain.
Stop drinking. Heal yourself first. Then deal with everything else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Thank you all for welcoming me and for your positive encouragement. You'll be happy to know that I started my day off and ended it without drinking at all. As you can imagine it was a rough day with my spouse and we hardly smiled or laughed at all. I just focused on accomplishing my to do list and taking care of some of my own needs "in a healthy way". I realize that I need to work as hard as I can on getting sober and staying sober. Hopefully I can be this way tomorrow again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by Bookaholic 
Thank you all for welcoming me and for your positive encouragement. You'll be happy to know that I started my day off and ended it without drinking at all. As you can imagine it was a rough day with my spouse and we hardly smiled or laughed at all. I just focused on accomplishing my to do list and taking care of some of my own needs "in a healthy way". I realize that I need to work as hard as I can on getting sober and staying sober. Hopefully I can be this way tomorrow again.
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