The ending of love
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
The ending of love
I was reading a book recently that isn't about recovery specifically but I truly feel that it should be. Anyway, the author put a quote in there from another book called "An Uncommon Bond" and I thought I'd share it here. Many of us here make reference to the fact that we are bewildered at the ending of our love relationships, that we can't understand why we couldn't fix him/it/addiction/etc. I think this quote gives us something to think about when we reflect back on our loves lost:
"Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another-they have more individuation work to do first.
Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives-they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love's leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don't-they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path-readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover."
"Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another-they have more individuation work to do first.
Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives-they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love's leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don't-they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path-readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover."
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
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The author of An Uncommon Bond is Jeff Brown. He has written some AMAZING stuff about personal growth, spirituality, healing, etc. I have a couple of his books on my Kindle waiting to be read, and I follow him on Facebook for inspiration. He's awesome!
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