Gets Easier Once You're Used to Feeling Well!
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Gets Easier Once You're Used to Feeling Well!
I visited a friend's home for dinner last night. I wished I could join him in drinking. I don't spend much time missing it nowadays, but last night I did.
The desire was pretty easily resisted. The further away I get from the overwhelming illness of active addiction, the worse the memory is. At the time, less than six weeks ago, it was my normal. Now, I have no idea how I managed to endure that agony. And nothing positive was offered by alcohol, either. Toward the end, I wasn't deriving any pleasure -- I was only self-medicating for my 24/7 withdrawals!
Nowadays, "normal" is NOT being in physical distress, acute panic and anxiety, and mental confusion. That memory is becoming more and more aversive. I mean, holy s**t, can you imagine panic attacks, trembling, fearing a heart attack at any moment, believing that you might die within the next 24 hours? And no means to cope with it due to a complete inability to think rationally? That was my reality!!! Do you remember my early posts???
Last night's momentary attraction to alcohol was tightly coupled with my memory of that misery.
For anyone reading who doesn't know my story, today is Day 37. The more "normal" nonmisery becomes, the easier sobriety gets.
The desire was pretty easily resisted. The further away I get from the overwhelming illness of active addiction, the worse the memory is. At the time, less than six weeks ago, it was my normal. Now, I have no idea how I managed to endure that agony. And nothing positive was offered by alcohol, either. Toward the end, I wasn't deriving any pleasure -- I was only self-medicating for my 24/7 withdrawals!
Nowadays, "normal" is NOT being in physical distress, acute panic and anxiety, and mental confusion. That memory is becoming more and more aversive. I mean, holy s**t, can you imagine panic attacks, trembling, fearing a heart attack at any moment, believing that you might die within the next 24 hours? And no means to cope with it due to a complete inability to think rationally? That was my reality!!! Do you remember my early posts???
Last night's momentary attraction to alcohol was tightly coupled with my memory of that misery.
For anyone reading who doesn't know my story, today is Day 37. The more "normal" nonmisery becomes, the easier sobriety gets.
I have a memory from my last relapse. It keeps thoughts of drinking at bay. Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 113
Agreed and congrats SiS. I wasn't far enough along to need/want alcohol in my system 24/7, but my weekend binges had crept into more and more days of the week over the past several years. The cans had been piling up and I was waking up with hangovers probably 3 time a week (and drinking 7 days a week, unless a hangover was so bad that I skipped a day).
I prepared myself for sobriety meaning a period of raw, naked emotion. I was anticipating having to really weather some emotional blow-back from quitting - after all, I was often drinking to numb negative feelings and spur positive feelings (and there is heavy stuff going on in my life).
The reality is that my drinking was amplifying negative feelings more than numbing them and bringing about its own kaleidoscope of shame, anxiety, worry, etc. This isn't to say I haven't had low swings to navigate and low periods lasting stretches of time... I've experienced anger, sadness, fear, etc.
But holy cow, my ability to deal with those emotions, or simply acknowledge and weather them, is so much better--and I'm just 34 days in. Now, I am sure greater tests will come along, and I won't have the advantage of feeling so much better to buoy me along, but it's amazing how quickly perspective and resilience came.
I am super grateful that I was in therapy about a year ago and had a counselor who helped me develop some mindfullness muscles and to view my drinking and other harmful activities with compassion rather than self-judgement.
I prepared myself for sobriety meaning a period of raw, naked emotion. I was anticipating having to really weather some emotional blow-back from quitting - after all, I was often drinking to numb negative feelings and spur positive feelings (and there is heavy stuff going on in my life).
The reality is that my drinking was amplifying negative feelings more than numbing them and bringing about its own kaleidoscope of shame, anxiety, worry, etc. This isn't to say I haven't had low swings to navigate and low periods lasting stretches of time... I've experienced anger, sadness, fear, etc.
But holy cow, my ability to deal with those emotions, or simply acknowledge and weather them, is so much better--and I'm just 34 days in. Now, I am sure greater tests will come along, and I won't have the advantage of feeling so much better to buoy me along, but it's amazing how quickly perspective and resilience came.
I am super grateful that I was in therapy about a year ago and had a counselor who helped me develop some mindfullness muscles and to view my drinking and other harmful activities with compassion rather than self-judgement.
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