Wow! I learned ALOT in the last two weeks!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Wow! I learned ALOT in the last two weeks!
Hello all,
I hope everyone is well.
Let me start with the good news. By the end of today I will have a full two weeks sober. This is a really big deal for me because in 2015 the best I was able to do was string together 9 days. The best I've been able to do in the last 5 years was string together 12 days. So it's safe to say that this is the first time I've hit the two week mark. There have been hundreds of time where I actively strung together 3, 4 or 5 days in the last 5 years, but this time is different and I'll tell you how and maybe you can comment on it. Something changed in me. I can't explain how or why it happened, my best guess is that it started off because I started attending AA meetings nightly. Some nights they help, and some nights they don't help that much, but I go anyway. Someone said at a newcomers meeting " If you knew for a fact that you would never drink again, how does that make you feel? If you feel any type of negative visceral reaction, whether that is a feeling of a pit in your stomach, or fear on the back of your neck.... then you still have a lot of pain coming to you." It didn't hit me at first. It was a few days later... and one morning I was walking to work and those words popped into my head..... and for the first time I thought about "what if I knew if I would never drank again" and the result was different. Instead of feeling " well maybe after I get a year sober I can drink" or "well I have to at least toast at my own wedding (which is probably years away)" instead of feeling fear about never drinking again. I felt some of the most powerful feelings of relief that I've ever felt in my life. And I just knew, that drinking would never be an option again-but more importantly I felt completely happy and comfortable with it. I haven't had a craving, or a desire to drink since. All of the years of counting days and white knuckling and struggling to get through each day seems to have completely vanished. I'm no longer fighting to not drink, I'm enjoying being sober. Two weeks in the grand scheme of things is not a lot of time, but for me it's more than I ever have had. At this point it's not even about the number of days anymore, its the fact that my relationship, and my most private thoughts about drinking have completely shifted. I did consider that maybe I was just on a day 4 pink cloud and that I would come back down, but I'm on day 14 and still feel strongly relieved that I know that I don't have to hurt from alcohol ever again. Sometimes I've told people in my life that "I've changed" to friends, even here on SR. I said these things because I WANTED to believe they were true and I thought if I said them to enough people they would become true, but deep down I had reservations and I was lying to myself. This time is different, because my most private thoughts about drinking are completely different and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about these thoughts, because I'm being honest with myself. Also, kudos to me, I quit smoking the same day I quit drinking and after the first few days it has also been, surprisingly easy to quit that as well. I know I sound very confident right now, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue to go to meetings, post on SR, read the big book and work on my recovery. I will still put the work in. As much as I hate dogmatic phrases, there is a grain of true to be found in some dogmatic phrases. At AA, one of them is "it works if you work it" It's true, recovery programs DO work if you work them. Anyway, that is the good news, now it's time for some bad news.
Two nights ago, there was a party at my place and I joyfully served my guests beer. I had no problem doing so and there was a flood of relief cracking open a beer and giving it to someone else without feeling even the slightest tinge of jealousy. I remember thinking, "I'm so happy to not want this right now." One of my guests doesn't drink , but she did bring some pot. My relationship with marijuana is as follows. I've smoked it maybe once or twice per year? Usually, I'm already drunk and someone has it at a party so I'll take a few hits. I thought it would be interesting to smoke some while sober, just to see how it would affect me while not under the influence of alcohol. Now the guest that brought the pot decided to put it in a cigar wrapper. And I said that would be fine, but I was very adamant about making sure there wasn't any tobacco left in the wrapper. I said "MAKE SURE THERE IS NO TOBACCO LEFT OR I WILL END UP SMOKING CIGARETTES" MY guest did a good job and many of us got high and it was a fun night. Here is where it gets interesting..... the next morning.... I craved a few hits of weed. I was completely shocked by this, because I've never craved pot before in my life. Being completely honest, I wanted to be high enough to be out of control. Because of my low tolerance I only need a few hits of weed to get to that point versus alcohol where I need 10-14. But I was definitely searching for the same type of feeling that alcohol provided.There was a little tiny end left of the blunt.... So before work I lit it up and smoked a bit of it. By the second hit.... I could taste the cigar.... and felt the effects of nicotine in my system. I immediately put it out....and hoped that I didn't get too much cigar smoke in my lungs. But it was just enough to reintroduce nicotine into my system and a day later. I'm sitting here typing this smoking a pack of cigarettes. What a bummer. I'm going to smoke a few more and quit at 5pm today.... and thus the nicotine withdrawal will ensue over the next week. So this post is bittersweet. On one hand I learned how beautiful sobriety can really be, but I also learned how fragile it can be. I definitely feel like I let myself down. I was lucky that the smoking cigs while high didn't push me into drinking as well. So I do still have 2 weeks tonight assuming that I don't drink tonight (which I won't.) What are your thoughts? I know it's a long read, but I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks -Serper
I hope everyone is well.
Let me start with the good news. By the end of today I will have a full two weeks sober. This is a really big deal for me because in 2015 the best I was able to do was string together 9 days. The best I've been able to do in the last 5 years was string together 12 days. So it's safe to say that this is the first time I've hit the two week mark. There have been hundreds of time where I actively strung together 3, 4 or 5 days in the last 5 years, but this time is different and I'll tell you how and maybe you can comment on it. Something changed in me. I can't explain how or why it happened, my best guess is that it started off because I started attending AA meetings nightly. Some nights they help, and some nights they don't help that much, but I go anyway. Someone said at a newcomers meeting " If you knew for a fact that you would never drink again, how does that make you feel? If you feel any type of negative visceral reaction, whether that is a feeling of a pit in your stomach, or fear on the back of your neck.... then you still have a lot of pain coming to you." It didn't hit me at first. It was a few days later... and one morning I was walking to work and those words popped into my head..... and for the first time I thought about "what if I knew if I would never drank again" and the result was different. Instead of feeling " well maybe after I get a year sober I can drink" or "well I have to at least toast at my own wedding (which is probably years away)" instead of feeling fear about never drinking again. I felt some of the most powerful feelings of relief that I've ever felt in my life. And I just knew, that drinking would never be an option again-but more importantly I felt completely happy and comfortable with it. I haven't had a craving, or a desire to drink since. All of the years of counting days and white knuckling and struggling to get through each day seems to have completely vanished. I'm no longer fighting to not drink, I'm enjoying being sober. Two weeks in the grand scheme of things is not a lot of time, but for me it's more than I ever have had. At this point it's not even about the number of days anymore, its the fact that my relationship, and my most private thoughts about drinking have completely shifted. I did consider that maybe I was just on a day 4 pink cloud and that I would come back down, but I'm on day 14 and still feel strongly relieved that I know that I don't have to hurt from alcohol ever again. Sometimes I've told people in my life that "I've changed" to friends, even here on SR. I said these things because I WANTED to believe they were true and I thought if I said them to enough people they would become true, but deep down I had reservations and I was lying to myself. This time is different, because my most private thoughts about drinking are completely different and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about these thoughts, because I'm being honest with myself. Also, kudos to me, I quit smoking the same day I quit drinking and after the first few days it has also been, surprisingly easy to quit that as well. I know I sound very confident right now, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue to go to meetings, post on SR, read the big book and work on my recovery. I will still put the work in. As much as I hate dogmatic phrases, there is a grain of true to be found in some dogmatic phrases. At AA, one of them is "it works if you work it" It's true, recovery programs DO work if you work them. Anyway, that is the good news, now it's time for some bad news.
Two nights ago, there was a party at my place and I joyfully served my guests beer. I had no problem doing so and there was a flood of relief cracking open a beer and giving it to someone else without feeling even the slightest tinge of jealousy. I remember thinking, "I'm so happy to not want this right now." One of my guests doesn't drink , but she did bring some pot. My relationship with marijuana is as follows. I've smoked it maybe once or twice per year? Usually, I'm already drunk and someone has it at a party so I'll take a few hits. I thought it would be interesting to smoke some while sober, just to see how it would affect me while not under the influence of alcohol. Now the guest that brought the pot decided to put it in a cigar wrapper. And I said that would be fine, but I was very adamant about making sure there wasn't any tobacco left in the wrapper. I said "MAKE SURE THERE IS NO TOBACCO LEFT OR I WILL END UP SMOKING CIGARETTES" MY guest did a good job and many of us got high and it was a fun night. Here is where it gets interesting..... the next morning.... I craved a few hits of weed. I was completely shocked by this, because I've never craved pot before in my life. Being completely honest, I wanted to be high enough to be out of control. Because of my low tolerance I only need a few hits of weed to get to that point versus alcohol where I need 10-14. But I was definitely searching for the same type of feeling that alcohol provided.There was a little tiny end left of the blunt.... So before work I lit it up and smoked a bit of it. By the second hit.... I could taste the cigar.... and felt the effects of nicotine in my system. I immediately put it out....and hoped that I didn't get too much cigar smoke in my lungs. But it was just enough to reintroduce nicotine into my system and a day later. I'm sitting here typing this smoking a pack of cigarettes. What a bummer. I'm going to smoke a few more and quit at 5pm today.... and thus the nicotine withdrawal will ensue over the next week. So this post is bittersweet. On one hand I learned how beautiful sobriety can really be, but I also learned how fragile it can be. I definitely feel like I let myself down. I was lucky that the smoking cigs while high didn't push me into drinking as well. So I do still have 2 weeks tonight assuming that I don't drink tonight (which I won't.) What are your thoughts? I know it's a long read, but I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks -Serper
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
A long time ago when NA was in its infancy in CT and my sponsor was going to AA a wise old timer told him this. "AA stands for absolute abstinence". Getting loaded is getting loaded.
Sorry, there's no way to sugar coat that.
Sorry, there's no way to sugar coat that.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I was never much of a pot smoker, but after decades sober, I decided it would be okay. I ended up going back to drinking after that because I preferred the feeling alcohol gave me and felt like I had nothing to lose anymore.
If I don't treat my underlying issues, I'll just switch addictions.
When I was first sober, it was so precious to me that I avoided anything to do with alcohol until I was much more stable in my sobriety. Serving beers, let alone being at a party were something I wouldn't even consider, no matter how confident I felt at the time. I knew then, just how easy it was to slide back if I wasn't on solid ground. As AA says, alcohol (my addiction) is "cunning, baffling and powerful". It's also very patient.
If I don't treat my underlying issues, I'll just switch addictions.
When I was first sober, it was so precious to me that I avoided anything to do with alcohol until I was much more stable in my sobriety. Serving beers, let alone being at a party were something I wouldn't even consider, no matter how confident I felt at the time. I knew then, just how easy it was to slide back if I wasn't on solid ground. As AA says, alcohol (my addiction) is "cunning, baffling and powerful". It's also very patient.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by IvanMike 
A long time ago when NA was in its infancy in CT and my sponsor was going to AA a wise old timer told him this. "AA stands for absolute abstinence". Getting loaded is getting loaded.
Sorry, there's no way to sugar coat that.
Sorry, there's no way to sugar coat that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Madbird
I was never much of a pot smoker, but after decades sober, I decided it would be okay. I ended up going back to drinking after that because I preferred the feeling alcohol gave me and felt like I had nothing to lose anymore.
If I don't treat my underlying issues, I'll just switch addictions.
When I was first sober, it was so precious to me that I avoided anything to do with alcohol until I was much more stable in my sobriety. Serving beers, let alone being at a party were something I wouldn't even consider, no matter how confident I felt at the time. I knew then, just how easy it was to slide back if I wasn't on solid ground. As AA says, alcohol (my addiction) is "cunning, baffling and powerful". It's also very patient.
If I don't treat my underlying issues, I'll just switch addictions.
When I was first sober, it was so precious to me that I avoided anything to do with alcohol until I was much more stable in my sobriety. Serving beers, let alone being at a party were something I wouldn't even consider, no matter how confident I felt at the time. I knew then, just how easy it was to slide back if I wasn't on solid ground. As AA says, alcohol (my addiction) is "cunning, baffling and powerful". It's also very patient.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Serper, I am glad to heart that you have not drank for two weeks. But it is worrisome that you so easily smoked pot and started cigarettes again. I am concerned that you will just as easily start drinking again.
One solution might be to spend more time here at SoberRecovery. Between meetings, we can give you a different kind of support in that here we directly answer your questions. At all the meetings I attend, "cross talk" is discouraged.
One solution might be to spend more time here at SoberRecovery. Between meetings, we can give you a different kind of support in that here we directly answer your questions. At all the meetings I attend, "cross talk" is discouraged.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Coldfusion
Serper, I am glad to heart that you have not drank for two weeks. But it is worrisome that you so easily smoked pot and started cigarettes again. I am concerned that you will just as easily start drinking again.
One solution might be to spend more time here at SoberRecovery. Between meetings, we can give you a different kind of support in that here we directly answer your questions. At all the meetings I attend, "cross talk" is discouraged.
One solution might be to spend more time here at SoberRecovery. Between meetings, we can give you a different kind of support in that here we directly answer your questions. At all the meetings I attend, "cross talk" is discouraged.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Malaga
Posts: 31
Itīs early days, if you donīt know why you feel so unhappy or uncomfortable in your skin that you need to escape from reality then youīll always look for a substitute to your normal method...
Sessions with a good CBT will help you understand why you are running away and help correct the mindset.. I never found the answer to this in meetings as people were too wrapped up in just talking about the symptom rather than the real cause..
Sessions with a good CBT will help you understand why you are running away and help correct the mindset.. I never found the answer to this in meetings as people were too wrapped up in just talking about the symptom rather than the real cause..
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Originally Posted by Serper2014
Being completely honest, I wanted to be high enough to be out of control. Because of my low tolerance I only need a few hits of weed to get to that point versus alcohol where I need 10-14. But I was definitely searching for the same type of feeling that alcohol provided.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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First of all, congratulations on your 2 weeks and especially on the shift in the way you feel and think about alcohol.
But... you're lying to yourself. Sorry, but I know you knew somewhere that you chose to smoke the pot as a substitute for what alcohol did for you. You rationalized it by saying that it would be interesting to see how it would affect you when you smoke it when sober, but that sounds like a rationalization. Something that your addictive voice is feeding you. "Ok, this guy is not drinking anymore, oh look, there's an opportunity to get him out of his sober state." It's cross-addiction and it is not uncommon. An indicator is that you wanted to smoke pot the next day as well for the same reasons you drank. And not only did you want to, you did it. You knew at the time that that was going on, but the addiction clouded that.
And now you're smoking and instead of quitting again immediately, you set a time to quit. Wrong mindset.
I'm sorry, but I think that you're still in very dangerous territory, even with alcohol, if all this is still going on with you.
To be blunt (no pun intended), you are an addict that doesn't have just an addiction to alcohol. You are an addict, period. You can never take any substance ever again. It's just too dangerous for you.
Expand your sobriety to everything. And make sure to work on your plan!
Thanks for posting btw, it was a very wise decision.
But... you're lying to yourself. Sorry, but I know you knew somewhere that you chose to smoke the pot as a substitute for what alcohol did for you. You rationalized it by saying that it would be interesting to see how it would affect you when you smoke it when sober, but that sounds like a rationalization. Something that your addictive voice is feeding you. "Ok, this guy is not drinking anymore, oh look, there's an opportunity to get him out of his sober state." It's cross-addiction and it is not uncommon. An indicator is that you wanted to smoke pot the next day as well for the same reasons you drank. And not only did you want to, you did it. You knew at the time that that was going on, but the addiction clouded that.
And now you're smoking and instead of quitting again immediately, you set a time to quit. Wrong mindset.
I'm sorry, but I think that you're still in very dangerous territory, even with alcohol, if all this is still going on with you.
To be blunt (no pun intended), you are an addict that doesn't have just an addiction to alcohol. You are an addict, period. You can never take any substance ever again. It's just too dangerous for you.
Expand your sobriety to everything. And make sure to work on your plan!
Thanks for posting btw, it was a very wise decision.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Those 2 statements should be very troubling to you. 2 weeks without alcohol is great, but if you are simply seeking other ways to get high I'd say you have some serious thinking to do about what being sober means to you.
I completely agree. The night of the party, I wasn't seeking another way to get high, it just happened to present itself to me and I thought it would be an interesting experiment to see how pot affected my sober mind. The experiment worked in a sense that I learned that even something like pot, a drug that, I really haven't had positive experiences with, was enough that by the next morning. I wanted more pot. It's a slippery slope and I slipped just enough to learn from the experience and not slide to the bottom of the hill and drink again. I'm going to continue my climb and next time the opportunity to smoke pot presents itself, (which is likely to be months away) I will decline. The opportunity to drink is available everyday from 7am to 2am and I decline every day and I'm confident and happy in that decision. I expect that I will be able to decline to smoke pot again, when the opportunity arises, whenever that may be.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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You might want to come around here before you conduct any more experiments with your sobriety. A lot of experience is available here.
I had years sober and on no drugs and thought weed might be ok. It was not.
I wanted something more after that and went right back to crack and then the same day alcohol because hey, why not at that point.
I also had no plan at the time.
You are smart when you learn from your mistakes.
You are wise when you learn from others mistakes.
I had years sober and on no drugs and thought weed might be ok. It was not.
I wanted something more after that and went right back to crack and then the same day alcohol because hey, why not at that point.
I also had no plan at the time.
You are smart when you learn from your mistakes.
You are wise when you learn from others mistakes.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by MikeM
First of all, congratulations on your 2 weeks and especially on the shift in the way you feel and think about alcohol.
But... you're lying to yourself. Sorry, but I know you knew somewhere that you chose to smoke the pot as a substitute for what alcohol did for you. You rationalized it by saying that it would be interesting to see how it would affect you when you smoke it when sober, but that sounds like a rationalization. Something that your addictive voice is feeding you. "Ok, this guy is not drinking anymore, oh look, there's an opportunity to get him out of his sober state." It's cross-addiction and it is not uncommon. An indicator is that you wanted to smoke pot the next day as well for the same reasons you drank. And not only did you want to, you did it. You knew at the time that that was going on, but the addiction clouded that.
And now you're smoking and instead of quitting again immediately, you set a time to quit. Wrong mindset.
I'm sorry, but I think that you're still in very dangerous territory, even with alcohol, if all this is still going on with you.
To be blunt (no pun intended), you are an addict that doesn't have just an addiction to alcohol. You are an addict, period. You can never take any substance ever again. It's just too dangerous for you.
Expand your sobriety to everything. And make sure to work on your plan!
Thanks for posting btw, it was a very wise decision.
But... you're lying to yourself. Sorry, but I know you knew somewhere that you chose to smoke the pot as a substitute for what alcohol did for you. You rationalized it by saying that it would be interesting to see how it would affect you when you smoke it when sober, but that sounds like a rationalization. Something that your addictive voice is feeding you. "Ok, this guy is not drinking anymore, oh look, there's an opportunity to get him out of his sober state." It's cross-addiction and it is not uncommon. An indicator is that you wanted to smoke pot the next day as well for the same reasons you drank. And not only did you want to, you did it. You knew at the time that that was going on, but the addiction clouded that.
And now you're smoking and instead of quitting again immediately, you set a time to quit. Wrong mindset.
I'm sorry, but I think that you're still in very dangerous territory, even with alcohol, if all this is still going on with you.
To be blunt (no pun intended), you are an addict that doesn't have just an addiction to alcohol. You are an addict, period. You can never take any substance ever again. It's just too dangerous for you.
Expand your sobriety to everything. And make sure to work on your plan!
Thanks for posting btw, it was a very wise decision.
Thanks for the congrats.
I understand where you are coming from, but I have to respectfully disagree. Irrespective of marijuana's legal status, almost everyone knows people or is friends with people that seem to really enjoy it. From what I've gathered is that people generally have a good time on it and laugh and feel pretty relaxed. Throughout my life I've seemed to have an opposite reaction. I get extremely afraid. Paranoid. I'll lock myself in a closet because I'm so afraid while on it. I'll ask people to take me to the hospital because I"m convinced I'm going to die. The few good times that I have had on it were when I was a teen before I ever started to drink and one time in amsterdam. So I thought that maybe now that I had stopped I would have a pleasant experience. This was an honest thought, and not a rationalization to use, but I got what I wished for. The night at the party was really wonderful, but it was too much of a good thing, and even by the next morning I wanted to get high again. Thats when I saw it as a problem, and the second time I used.... thats when I was substituting it for alcohol, and thats when I relapased on cigarettes and thats when I came here and posted about it and per everyones advice I've decided to not smoke it next time it's offered. I understand how you might think that I was trying to substitute the night of the party, but you aren't familiar with my history with pot. If I reacted to it normally, then that would make sense, but many times in the past I haven't and I thought that because maybe I was going through withdrawals or wasn't in the right mindset and overly anxious, but now that I'm sober, and sober for good. I thought that maybe I could enjoy it every now and then since it's not either of the drugs that I'm addicted to (alcohol and nicotine) However, I found out that I was wrong because I enjoyed it wayyy too much. The deepest part of me wanted to have a great epiphany while I was high... thats what I was hoping for.... but instead I just laughed a lot and said stupid things and felt stupid. But no worries. I'm on day 15 now and I've already quit cigarettes.... gotta keep moving forward! Thanks for your concern
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Serper2014
Thanks for the congrats.
I understand where you are coming from, but I have to respectfully disagree. Irrespective of marijuana's legal status, almost everyone knows people or is friends with people that seem to really enjoy it. From what I've gathered is that people generally have a good time on it and laugh and feel pretty relaxed. Throughout my life I've seemed to have an opposite reaction. I get extremely afraid. Paranoid. I'll lock myself in a closet because I'm so afraid while on it. I'll ask people to take me to the hospital because I"m convinced I'm going to die. The few good times that I have had on it were when I was a teen before I ever started to drink and one time in amsterdam. So I thought that maybe now that I had stopped I would have a pleasant experience. This was an honest thought, and not a rationalization to use, but I got what I wished for. The night at the party was really wonderful, but it was too much of a good thing, and even by the next morning I wanted to get high again. Thats when I saw it as a problem, and the second time I used.... thats when I was substituting it for alcohol, and thats when I relapased on cigarettes and thats when I came here and posted about it and per everyones advice I've decided to not smoke it next time it's offered. I understand how you might think that I was trying to substitute the night of the party, but you aren't familiar with my history with pot. If I reacted to it normally, then that would make sense, but many times in the past I haven't and I thought that because maybe I was going through withdrawals or wasn't in the right mindset and overly anxious, but now that I'm sober, and sober for good. I thought that maybe I could enjoy it every now and then since it's not either of the drugs that I'm addicted to (alcohol and nicotine) However, I found out that I was wrong because I enjoyed it wayyy too much. The deepest part of me wanted to have a great epiphany while I was high... thats what I was hoping for.... but instead I just laughed a lot and said stupid things and felt stupid. But no worries. I'm on day 15 now and I've already quit cigarettes.... gotta keep moving forward! Thanks for your concern
I understand where you are coming from, but I have to respectfully disagree. Irrespective of marijuana's legal status, almost everyone knows people or is friends with people that seem to really enjoy it. From what I've gathered is that people generally have a good time on it and laugh and feel pretty relaxed. Throughout my life I've seemed to have an opposite reaction. I get extremely afraid. Paranoid. I'll lock myself in a closet because I'm so afraid while on it. I'll ask people to take me to the hospital because I"m convinced I'm going to die. The few good times that I have had on it were when I was a teen before I ever started to drink and one time in amsterdam. So I thought that maybe now that I had stopped I would have a pleasant experience. This was an honest thought, and not a rationalization to use, but I got what I wished for. The night at the party was really wonderful, but it was too much of a good thing, and even by the next morning I wanted to get high again. Thats when I saw it as a problem, and the second time I used.... thats when I was substituting it for alcohol, and thats when I relapased on cigarettes and thats when I came here and posted about it and per everyones advice I've decided to not smoke it next time it's offered. I understand how you might think that I was trying to substitute the night of the party, but you aren't familiar with my history with pot. If I reacted to it normally, then that would make sense, but many times in the past I haven't and I thought that because maybe I was going through withdrawals or wasn't in the right mindset and overly anxious, but now that I'm sober, and sober for good. I thought that maybe I could enjoy it every now and then since it's not either of the drugs that I'm addicted to (alcohol and nicotine) However, I found out that I was wrong because I enjoyed it wayyy too much. The deepest part of me wanted to have a great epiphany while I was high... thats what I was hoping for.... but instead I just laughed a lot and said stupid things and felt stupid. But no worries. I'm on day 15 now and I've already quit cigarettes.... gotta keep moving forward! Thanks for your concern
But there's something bugging me. To be totally honest, apart from the knowledge that pot can go either way for you, did you take it as a substitute for alcohol?
This really is about you, your sobriety and your life. So being honest is in your best interest. Don't respond from your first impulse, examine it.
In my teens I used to smoke pot every once in a while. It was a gamble. Will I get a good high or will I get paranoid? It could be that unconsciously you were hoping for a good high, so it could be another way to get the result alcohol did.
Again, I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm really trying to help. And I know how these things work. I've known a lot of addicts.
Really, truly, honestly look into this. There were so many red flags in your story, if you really want to be sober, you need to look into it.
That also means that your major breakthrough might not have been one. You must be realistic, confident and able to examine that honestly. That is absolutely necessary for you recovery process. And there is no shame in it at all btw!
See my other post "REAL breakthroughs" as well.
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Originally Posted by MikeM
I happy for your progress. I really am. And I'm not posting like this to be rude.
But there's something bugging me. To be totally honest, apart from the knowledge that pot can go either way for you, did you take it as a substitute for alcohol?
This really is about you, your sobriety and your life. So being honest is in your best interest. Don't respond from your first impulse, examine it.
In my teens I used to smoke pot every once in a while. It was a gamble. Will I get a good high or will I get paranoid? It could be that unconsciously you were hoping for a good high, so it could be another way to get the result alcohol did.
Again, I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm really trying to help. And I know how these things work. I've known a lot of addicts.
Really, truly, honestly look into this. There were so many red flags in your story, if you really want to be sober, you need to look into it.
That also means that your major breakthrough might not have been one. You must be realistic, confident and able to examine that honestly. That is absolutely necessary for you recovery process. And there is no shame in it at all btw!
See my other post "REAL breakthroughs" as well.
But there's something bugging me. To be totally honest, apart from the knowledge that pot can go either way for you, did you take it as a substitute for alcohol?
This really is about you, your sobriety and your life. So being honest is in your best interest. Don't respond from your first impulse, examine it.
In my teens I used to smoke pot every once in a while. It was a gamble. Will I get a good high or will I get paranoid? It could be that unconsciously you were hoping for a good high, so it could be another way to get the result alcohol did.
Again, I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm really trying to help. And I know how these things work. I've known a lot of addicts.
Really, truly, honestly look into this. There were so many red flags in your story, if you really want to be sober, you need to look into it.
That also means that your major breakthrough might not have been one. You must be realistic, confident and able to examine that honestly. That is absolutely necessary for you recovery process. And there is no shame in it at all btw!
See my other post "REAL breakthroughs" as well.
I would like you to send me a link to the post you talked about.
I've spent about a week thinking about the experience. I really looked into it, and I think that I honestly wanted to experience pot while sober, and the second time I used it ... it was possibly substituting what alcohol did for me....
It is weird..... I don't have any desire to drink or smoke cigs anymore.... but I still have a desire to smoke pot because of the pleasure associated with it that first night....
I don't know.... this is all very confusing....
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