Gonnahappen

I've quit and relapsed more times than I can imagine. I have had so many drinks some nights that I'm kind of surprised that I woke up. I'm 57 years old (going to be 58 in four days), and so very lonely. I do the "other" things. Today I spent four hours working on a painting. I've prayed, gotten on the floor and begged God to help me through this. How can I possibly go the rest of my life? Anyway, although there is snow on the ground, it's actually worth the risk to get that six-pack.

First post and disappointed that it could not have been on a high note.

blueberry2015

If you tell yourself you wont make it, you simply wont. Dont allow that in itself to justify your reasoning to drink.

Jsbodhi

Hi! I had so many nights like this! You just gotta push through tonight.
It actually get easier and becomes normal.
If you have to just go to bed xoxo
Distract yourself, put a movie on, just read and post on every thread you can here all night.
Xoxo

least

I hope our support can help you get sober for good. It's so much better living sober. No drama, no trouble. I will never go back to drinking. I like my sober life too much.

Fervor

No. Don't go.

StartingOverNW

GH, if you can make it through one day you can of course make it through two. There is no question! I've also relapsed many times, but I'm sure of this!

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Gonnahappen; very glad that you posted.

SR is a great place for support, understanding and encouragement. Hope that being here will help you achieve sobriety and recovery.

Happy Birthday!!!!! Sobriety could be the best birthday present ever.

eternalfear

hey 'gonnahappen'. I can't send private messages yet since i'm new. I can't say i can relate to your situation, i'm sure you've sifted through some difficult feelings that no-one else could say they've felt before, but i can say i am going through something similar.. the other night I drove 10 miles in a record setting blizzard just to get a six pack. im in rough shape.. but i feel like we could motivate eachother to get through this. when i am able to send P'Ms ill check up on you. stay strong brother and most importantly, stay safe.

-Eternal

Dee74

Hi Gonnahappen - welcome

It's hard in the beginning for sure - but it doesn't stay that hard.

Once you get through one night and don't drink the next night will be a little easier and so on and so on.

For those of us who drank decades it's going to take a little time before we stop feeling that discomfort. It's well worth the effort tho.

I spent pretty much all my free time on SR that first month - it got me through. You could a lot worse

I'm coming up to nine years now. It all starts with one day. Why not push yourself and give it a go?

D

Fervor

I alienated my kids too. So, we raised smart kids. They're just trying to protect themselves. Hurts though, yes?

You're lonely. Me too. Kids have distanced. Hubby is dysfuntional. That's why I drink (until tomorrow, then I'm in the boat with you.)

I can tell you this, though. You're not going to find what you really want out there in the snow, and I'm not going to get what I really want having a glass of wine over dinner.

If you have a prayer closet, go get in it if you can. If not, go set one up, it will give you something more useful to do. Do you know how?

Gonnahappen

Xcess and EternalFear, I sense that we are going through similar stages at this time. I think that loneliness is certainly an issue and I've not had much luck with AA -- they talk so much about alcohol that it makes me want a drink. It would be beneficial to have a sponsor though. I would be interested in a prayer closet, and am not familiar with it. The days are so long, aren't they? I try to sleep till noon, then I try to do a hobby for a few hours, eat a bit of dinner (popcorn counts, right?), watch a movie and by that time it's about 7:00. What to do then. Perhaps pray. I will pray for all of you who answered tonight. God bless you for taking the time to respond.

Jan

Inchworm

Hi, Gonnahappen, and welcome to SR. You can get through this. Don't trust your AV - mine says goofy things all the time about whether or not life is worth it without alcohol. Praying for you!

Gonnahappen

Xcess, I have three grown children and have lost them all because of drinking. They are great kids too. I'm going to be a grandmother next month. I pray that adds additional incentive for me. How awful to be so full of shame all the time. Tis the world of an alcoholic though, right? I was clean for a year and it was like the most beautiful breeze blowing through my mind, heart, and soul. Gotta get back to that spot.

Hevyn

Jan - I was older too when I finally quit. I was drinking 24/7 at that point, completely dependent on it. Never imagined my life without it. Yet here I sit, 8 yrs. sober. I owe that mostly to SR - the friendship & hope I found here. I read and posted a lot in the early days of recovery. Knowing others understood meant everything.

My family, friends, co-workers almost wrote me off. I was disgusted with myself for allowing anyone to see me in such sad shape. That was just one reason I wanted to reclaim my life, though. Mainly I was tired of being numb and stupid. The thing that had once been fun and entertaining was no longer doing the job. We don't need it. You can rise above this sad time and get back to that spot you spoke of.

Fervor

I have three grown kids also and three grandkids. We could swap stories sometime to keep ourselves occupied. Haha, we could see who's been the lamest. (I win I bet.)

It is shameful sometimes, but it doesn't have to stay that way. It doesn't have to define us or be our world. Let's be like so many here that have great success stories to tell, ...like 3 days sober, eh? I want that.

Jsbodhi

Did you make it through?
Xoxo

Soberwolf

Welcome GH

Hevyn

Thinking of you, Gonnahappen. Let us know how it's going. We care.

chrcarlson

Gonnahappen, If I set around the house I want to drink. I go to AA for the social aspect. I do other things so that I'm busy. Ever thing about volunteer work or a part time job?

alcoholfighter

I'm trying not to think about going "the rest of my life" without drinking. I'm only on day 6 and the thought about going the rest of my life without drinking has been too overwhelming for me. So I've honestly tried to think about it in 20 min increments.... I'll get on SR for 20 min, read for 20, color for 20, play a game on my phone for 20, etc.... I hope you made it through and best of luck!