griffyS1989

I think I've finally hit my point of desperation.

I previously had 18 months sober and relapsed a couple months ago. I now have 35 days without alcohol again, but during my relapse period I also picked up pot for the first time in years. It's been 2 days since I've smoked. And now I'm realizing I also have a very serious porn/fap addiction which has put considerable distance between my partner of 5 years and myself.

On top of that, I'm also in financial dire straits, suffer from major depressive disorder, and frequently fall into unhealthy codependent behavior toward my addict family.

This is the shell I have sculpted and affixed to my exterior. Living inside me is my creative, intellectual, fun, active, impassioned self-- but I feel like he's suffocating under the weight of all this illness.

I know I can only do one thing at a time. I know I can take that first step again and admit that I have a problem (or many) - and that my life has become wildly unmanageable. I just feel so broken right now that it's hard for me to even return a friend's text, let alone get off the couch.

I need a word of encouragement, SR.

D122y

Grif,

I hear you.

Pot is a drug I can not use. I get tested periodically w my job.

18 months is amazing.

The way I stayed clean for these short 9 months was with activities.

Specifically, mma and the gym.

Plus, I have committed more to helping out w my family matters.

Made a new sober life style. They say living the old way minus the booze is miserable. So...new ways.

I have lingering anxiety that has quelled each moment of my recovery.

I never want to be drugged again.

C u around here I hope.

Alcohol is poison. Don't believe the hype.

Venecia

You can weather the storm.

We've all been there. It's not easy when a part of us -- a loud, obnoxious part of us -- wants a substance. But this is the time to summon your grit. When you do this, that loud, obnoxious part of us loses a little more power each time.

Hang in there. You can do this.

Anna

Hi Grif,

It's good that you see you are shifting from one addictive behavior to another. I suspect that you will need to deal with the issues underlying your addiction. Have you considered talking with a therapist? Are you on medication for the depression? I hope you have talked to your dr about it.

It can seem overwhelming at the outset, but be proud of how far you've come. With 18 months and then 35 days of sobriety, you can do this.

least

It is possible to live a good sober life. You have it within you to make it happen. I hope our support can help you find some peace of mind.

Dee74

Maybe a couple of recovery plans, one for each addiction, could help Griffy?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

griffyS1989

This is hugely important for me to remember. This isn't the same life I was living. It has to be new and different. The way I've been while using (and "dry") has been miserable.

griffyS1989

Thank you, I will check this out.

griffyS1989

Thank you for your encouragement. I'll keep coming back here.

griffyS1989

Thanks for your input and concern. I know that I'm using to mask the pain and discomfort from other situations that have yet to be addressed.

I am currently on Wellbutrin and Effexor and I have a wonderful therapist. They're doing their jobs exactly as they should be-- it's me who has to start being open minded and willing.

Lorax1981

I know how you feel buddy. We're all a work in progress. I feel that when we get physically clean we can work on the mental and spiritual stuff. If I smoke or drink it's gonna be a lot harder to work on the rest. Let's do it man!

Soberwolf

Having a plan is vital imo GriffyS