I Made It Through Using My Tools
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Columbia , SC
Posts: 38
I Made It Through Using My Tools
Today I Felt The Need To Share My Yesterday. It has now been 48 hrs since the unexpected and sudden death of my Aunt. When came on the site and Posted That At 28 Days Clean and Not Prepared For This. I had No idea of how I was going to get through it. I had No Prepared Plan, No Life Map To Guide Me. However I Had 2 Things That Remained With Me My Entire Day. First And Most Important Was My Constant Determination Not Use My DOC - Opiates or Any Other Substance Including Alcohol . Second Was My Recovery Tool Belt . This Consisted Of My Bible, My NA Big Book Family Members Who Support Me & This SR Site ! People Who Do Not Know Me , But For Certain Know My Fight ! ! ! Now Before The Day Ended , I Had Used Them All. Every Tool In My Belt. I Even Added A New One Yesterday Morning I Awoke With A Sense Of Dread. I was Stressed and Hadn't Slept Well. I Didn't Want To Face The Day , Didn't want to Think and Most Definitely Didn't Way To Feel. Because That Would Mean Pain and Sorrow. I Began My Day With Prayer Asking For Strength, Courage For The Day and To Remain Drug Free. Then Read A Few Scriptures From My Bible. After That I Made A Decision That I Could and Would Face The Day. Also My Resolve That Using Would Not Be A Part Of It. Next I Took a Few Minutes to Think and Reflect. This Led To A Burning Desire To Write, Something I Hadn't Done In Years. It Is My All Time Love and Passion . Addiction Has A Way Of Hindering, Blocking and Even Stripping Our Abilities To Use Our Gifts and Talents. Yet To My Surprise I Actually Wrote A Poem. It Wasn't A Struggle , It Just Flowed. I Was Amazed At How Easy and Natural It Was. Hooray...Hooray I had Accomplished Something. I Realized This Felt Extremely Rewarding. And Immediately Added This To My Recovery Tool Belt. Feeling A Little Better and A Renewed Sense Of Hope. Next I Found Myself Making My Travel Arrangements, Purchasing My Plane Ticket. As My Aunts Funeral Will Be In Michigan Next Week. I Made Several Phone Calls. For Almost 2 hrs Spoke To Several Of My Sisters. At Times Pretty Emotional, We Consoled One Another. And At Times We Even Managed Some Light Laughter. My Day Was Really Moving Along Now and I Was Feeling Better. Not Great But Definitely Much Better. By Late Afternoon I Logged On This Site A Couple Of Times To Read Some New Post. Two Unsuccessful Attempts by Me To Post A Message To Check In. So Read From The NA Book On The Definition Of The First Step. Always A Great Reminder Of How Unmanageable Our Lives Had and Can Become. And If I Return To That Path, How Unmanageable Again It Will Become. My Misery Refunded Promptly, Backed By Addictions Lifetime Guarantee ! Surprised I Had Enough Energy To Cook Dinner and A Hearty Appetite.
By Bedtime I was Exhausted both Physically and Mentally. As I Lay I'm My Bed It Occurred To Me That Not Once Had I Thought Of, Had A Desire nor The Urge To Pick Up And Use ANYTHING. ! ! It Was Truly In That Moment I Had To Admit Even In The Midst Of A Death ....It Had Been A Good Day ! I was truly A Recovering Person Now . No longer A Person Struggling To Be In Recovery . Starting Yesterday With Dread, Despair and Distress. No Clue How I was To Survive The Day .Let Alone Accomplish Anything. The Day I Found It To Be Full, Productive, And Left A Sense Of Accomplishment.. Staying Focused , Keeping Busy, an Using My Tools. I was able to Calm My Anxiety, Ride The Waves Of Pain, Face My Fears Head On and Deal With Death Of A Loved One. All In One Day, All While Staying Clean. This Turned Out To Be Very Long. I Know No One Has To Read It. But I know I Had To Write It.
By Bedtime I was Exhausted both Physically and Mentally. As I Lay I'm My Bed It Occurred To Me That Not Once Had I Thought Of, Had A Desire nor The Urge To Pick Up And Use ANYTHING. ! ! It Was Truly In That Moment I Had To Admit Even In The Midst Of A Death ....It Had Been A Good Day ! I was truly A Recovering Person Now . No longer A Person Struggling To Be In Recovery . Starting Yesterday With Dread, Despair and Distress. No Clue How I was To Survive The Day .Let Alone Accomplish Anything. The Day I Found It To Be Full, Productive, And Left A Sense Of Accomplishment.. Staying Focused , Keeping Busy, an Using My Tools. I was able to Calm My Anxiety, Ride The Waves Of Pain, Face My Fears Head On and Deal With Death Of A Loved One. All In One Day, All While Staying Clean. This Turned Out To Be Very Long. I Know No One Has To Read It. But I know I Had To Write It.
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