What would make me happy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
What would make me happy?
After asking myself this question today, the answer was clear: "paying off my debt." In a way, I am proud of myself not thinking: "him stopping drinking, him treating me better, him . . . whatever."
So, I am focused on necessities. Paying off credit cards, getting ready for a batch of taxes in April, and not making any additional debt.
I put my happiness above everything. And I even learned that my work can wait and that working nights is not the smartest thing one can do. Because, sooner or latter, you wont be able to work at all.
I think my heart finally started letting go off him. I can see he was an illusion. Maybe I saw him that way, maybe that is the picture he pained for me. Does not matter.
This week, I talked to another divorced lady. The reason of divorce? Alcoholism again. So this is the third one in a row. And it feels good talking to ladies who went through same. And our story? You hear one, you hear them all. Were we all perhaps married to the same guy?
So, I am focused on necessities. Paying off credit cards, getting ready for a batch of taxes in April, and not making any additional debt.
I put my happiness above everything. And I even learned that my work can wait and that working nights is not the smartest thing one can do. Because, sooner or latter, you wont be able to work at all.
I think my heart finally started letting go off him. I can see he was an illusion. Maybe I saw him that way, maybe that is the picture he pained for me. Does not matter.
This week, I talked to another divorced lady. The reason of divorce? Alcoholism again. So this is the third one in a row. And it feels good talking to ladies who went through same. And our story? You hear one, you hear them all. Were we all perhaps married to the same guy?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Lilro.....Valentine's Day is the most overated, manufactured holiday on the books!!
Let me share MY story.....when I was a small child in grade school, there was the joy of making valentines....cutting the red hearts and pasting pieces of paper doileys. We each constructed an elaborate valentine box...for the purpose of classmates to deposit valentines to us on the appointed day.
The object....we had to, each, have enough valentines (purchased by our mothers)...labeled and deposited in each one of the valentine boxes.
Only...there were never enough to go around....some kids only had a few valentines purchased by their mothers...others lost some on the way to school...
some kids gave maximum amounts to the prettiest girl or the most "show off" boy.....
Then....then....there was the inevitable counting of the valentines....
Ladies, let me tell you...this brought on as much pain as the rose ceremonies of "The Bachelor".....
Those of us with lesser amounts felt the sting of rejection....our young brains grasping that there was a ranking system of some kind....and that receiving red valentines was s ymbolic of our place in the rank.....
Today, with ample help from commercial marketing and other cultural messages, we are led to believe that those who are showered with symbols on Valentine's Day are the ones that are blessed with being valued and cherished by their significant other....and, damned to hell, if you are among those who don't even have a significant other on that day.....
The way I see it...if you are cherished and valued by another...then you don't need any chocolate or red paper to know it...you already do..
If you are not being loved and cherished....then one is obliged to feel worse than ever....at least, until Feb. 15th....and hope that no one rubs it in your face.....
Dandylion will now exit the soapbox......
dandylion
Let me share MY story.....when I was a small child in grade school, there was the joy of making valentines....cutting the red hearts and pasting pieces of paper doileys. We each constructed an elaborate valentine box...for the purpose of classmates to deposit valentines to us on the appointed day.
The object....we had to, each, have enough valentines (purchased by our mothers)...labeled and deposited in each one of the valentine boxes.
Only...there were never enough to go around....some kids only had a few valentines purchased by their mothers...others lost some on the way to school...
some kids gave maximum amounts to the prettiest girl or the most "show off" boy.....
Then....then....there was the inevitable counting of the valentines....
Ladies, let me tell you...this brought on as much pain as the rose ceremonies of "The Bachelor".....
Those of us with lesser amounts felt the sting of rejection....our young brains grasping that there was a ranking system of some kind....and that receiving red valentines was s ymbolic of our place in the rank.....
Today, with ample help from commercial marketing and other cultural messages, we are led to believe that those who are showered with symbols on Valentine's Day are the ones that are blessed with being valued and cherished by their significant other....and, damned to hell, if you are among those who don't even have a significant other on that day.....
The way I see it...if you are cherished and valued by another...then you don't need any chocolate or red paper to know it...you already do..
If you are not being loved and cherished....then one is obliged to feel worse than ever....at least, until Feb. 15th....and hope that no one rubs it in your face.....
Dandylion will now exit the soapbox......
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
I hate Valentines Day-always have. It's just ridiculous and most idiotic day. Anyway, I think you are pretty amazing for thinking the way you are-and noticing what would make you happy-I too was stuck in the "if he stopped drinking and/or stopped abusimg me and/or stopped doing......" then I could be happy. I love your post and just wanted to share how inspiring it is today 
we are responsible for our own happiness. Hugs!
we are responsible for our own happiness. Hugs!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Love the huggy bear!
I actually got married (the first time) on Valentine's Day. (LOL, my theory was that he wouldn't forget it, though it did cut down on the number of gift-giving occasions).
It's a fun holiday if you're in a relationship and you enjoy it. To me, it is just another day. I feel pretty neutral about it.
I actually got married (the first time) on Valentine's Day. (LOL, my theory was that he wouldn't forget it, though it did cut down on the number of gift-giving occasions).
It's a fun holiday if you're in a relationship and you enjoy it. To me, it is just another day. I feel pretty neutral about it.
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