theoncelers

Well I haven't posted in awhile, but thought I would write down what has happened lately. My husband is a full blown A, drinks morning and night, about 3-4 half gallons of whisky a week. Well I told him that if he dosen't get help that I am leaving and he decided that he wants to stop drinking and save our marriage and family. His daughter from his first marriage, who is special needs with epilepsy, fetal alcohol syndrome & bi-polar, is now on the DD Waiver program here in New Mexico. The state will be paying us to take care of her. The amount of money they will be paying us will cover his income, matter of fact we will be making more than his income plus we won't have the expense of daycare etc. Well he said the reason he drinks so much is that his job stresses him out and he hates it and that this will afford him the opportunity to address his drinking and be a stay at home dad. It sounds all good and fine to me and so I agree and he gives notice on his job. At the time of this decision, he said no to rehab and that he "knows" that once he dosen't have the stress of his job he will be able to quit drinking. Naviely I think great, I won't have to do all the errands for his daughter, he can take more responsibility and also we won't have to have daycare for our son, he can spend quality time with Dad. Well now 15 days away from his last day on the job, he says that he will have to have rehab to quit. Well now I have to not only continue taking care of EVERYTHING, job, kids, daycare, bills, housework etc, he gets a month off to detox and work on his recovery, and I am gonna be a single parent for a month. I know I should be grateful that he even wants to try to stop drinking and smoking pot, but I am so pissed off that I am still doing it alone. I am trying to detach, stay busy in the evenings and get through each night and this just makes him mad. He hasn't stopped drinking because he says he can't focus on stopping, can't stop at all, until he is out of a job. The job is just too stressful and he has to continue to drink to get through it. The problem is that I am sick and tired of looking at his drunk self everynight. We constantly fight if we are in the same room. Just seeing him makes me ill. He says I am not showing enough support and if this is the way I am gonna act then maybe he shouldn't even try to quit. I am just setting him up for failure since I am not "supportive enough" and he will definately fail if he dosen't have my full support. I am having a very hard time being supportive. What about me, who will support me? I don't get to focus on my problems, I am too busy "supporting" him, taking care of kids, running errands, housework, homework...blah, blah, blah. Also at night when we get home from work, of course he is home about 2 hours before me, cuz he goes to work anywhere from 2:30am to 4:30am, he says he wants me to sit with him and visit. I can barely bring myself to be in the same room with him, and he wants me to sit and visit?!?! If I don't sit and visit with him all it does is make him mad and he talks to himself and rants and raves all night, but when we sit and visit all I do is listen to him ramble on about crap. I am not even interested in anything he says anymore, he bores me to tears. I can't get a word in edgewise anyway and the whole time we are visiting he is sucking down drinks like they're candy. He can't seem to understand why I don't want to visit when all I do is sit and listen and think boy I could be cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, or play with my son. The other night I played PS2 with my son instead of "visiting" and he kept coming in the room saying mean things to me. He said he wouldn't say those things if I would just give him 10 minutes of my undivided attention. He also has been comparing me to his stupid ex-wife. Saying things like, well she started acting this way too before she left so I know thats what you are planning. He went to rehab when he was married to his first wife to save their marriage and she met another guy and got pregnant by him while he was in rehab. She wouldn't come to family sessions and he says that I will do the same thing, so why should he even try. It makes me furious that he would even compare me to her. I mean she gave up custody of their daughter to him, hasn't been in her life since she was 7 she is now 18, we never hear from her, she cheated on him their whole marriage which only lasted 4 years and I have stuck with him for 13, raised his daughter, have never cheated and he has the balls to say I am just like her!!!!! Maybe rehab will work, I hope I can still love him after he is sober, cuz I HATE him right now. I am scared to death that this will happen. He will get sober and I will still hate to be in the same room with him. Sorry this is so long, but I am so stressed out right now. I am trying to be supportive and detach and keep our family together until he can go to rehab. I want our marriage to work and I will do everything required from the rehab center. I will show up at meetings, go to counseling, whatever it takes. Why can't he see that?! What should I expect from rehab? Should I just focus on today and worry about rehab when it gets here? I feel like I am putting all my hopes on rehab to "cure" our problems and then if it dosen't what do I do? Thanks for letting me vent. Lori

theoncelers

If that wasn't enough, I have been successfully doing the Atkins diet since January. I need to loose 170lbs to be at my goal weight and have lost 70lbs so far, but since I have been so stressed lately, I have been eating. And sneaking it too. I have gained 5lbs back so far and am eating more everyday. I can't seem to stop myself. What is wrong with me?!

cwohio

glad you have come back to SR - congrats on the weight loss. i am by no means an expert, but maybe some counseling would help. sounds like you still have a lot of anger & resentment built up.

it's tough to have to "handle it all" - you can only do so much - you do need to take care of yourself because if you don't you are no good to anyone!

sorry i don't have advice for you but i feel your pain and hope that the rehab stint gives you time to breathe and he is serious about it.

much support & hugs to you - cwohio