Just a thought
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: England
Posts: 10
Just a thought
It would appear that many of us have descended from parents/relatives with alcohol problems. I certainly have. I understood enough from a young age to hate seeing people drunk. However, this did not deter me. Therefore, my thoughts are how do we prepare our children for what might or might not come from drinking alcohol as we cannot predict accurately who may suffer and go on to develop problem drinking. I have a nearly 16 year old who already goes to parties were drinking alcohol seems to be the norm. I have up to now tried to advise on being sensible. Giving the message that alcohol is not the be all and end all. However, all the while drinking myself. Therefore, I am hoping my new found sobriety backs this message up now rather than giving the previous mixed message of alright for me but not for you!!! Ironic I know !!! Anyway, I have younger children to and have always involved them in positive out of school activities etc in the hope that they will have varied interests, good self esteem, other priorities such as a respect for health and fitness etc for the future. Anyway, was just wondering what other parents or not parents felt about this ?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think about this a lot.
My kids are only 6 and 9.... already I try to talk openly with them about alcohol and drugs.
The other day my daughter picked up one of my AA coins and asked what it was. I told her it was a coin that I got because I decided not to drink alcohol anymore and it came from a group of people I work with to help other people decide not to drink alcohol anymore.
She asked if she could have it.
From time to time they'll ask me a tough question like "Daddy... MOM said you drink too much". And I'll say, honestly - "Well... there have definitely been times in my life that I drank too much. And with alcohol, that can easily happen to people. That's one of the reasons I decided not to drink it anymore, because I don't want my life to be hurt by alcohol".
Or.... "Daddy.... MOM said you've been to JAIL".
"well... that's true. I have been to Jail".
"WHY????"
"well... because I made some mistakes. I mad some bad decisions. Because of alcohol. That's another reason I decided not to drink alcohol anymore. Because alcohol almost always leads to making bad decisions and mistakes and I don't want to live my life that way".
I think it's important to just be honest and to talk with them about the reality of the perspective of alcohol and drugs they'll be shown by the media, by society, by friends and family...... and to be open and honest about my personal experience with alcohol and what I've learned.
I don't think there's anything we can do to determine the outcome.... I think the best we can to is love them, be honest with them, be there for them and be a living example for them. They have to live their own paths. Some of them will develop a problematic relationship with alcohol or drugs. Some of them will abstain. Some of them will find a place in between those extremes and will experiment and moderate and in the end be 'ok'. We cannot live that path for them.... we can only offer them the most loving, honest, supportive, frank and REAL guidance that we can give them - and the very best guidance we can give them is what we SHOW them through the way that we live our own lives.
My kids are only 6 and 9.... already I try to talk openly with them about alcohol and drugs.
The other day my daughter picked up one of my AA coins and asked what it was. I told her it was a coin that I got because I decided not to drink alcohol anymore and it came from a group of people I work with to help other people decide not to drink alcohol anymore.
She asked if she could have it.
From time to time they'll ask me a tough question like "Daddy... MOM said you drink too much". And I'll say, honestly - "Well... there have definitely been times in my life that I drank too much. And with alcohol, that can easily happen to people. That's one of the reasons I decided not to drink it anymore, because I don't want my life to be hurt by alcohol".
Or.... "Daddy.... MOM said you've been to JAIL".
"well... that's true. I have been to Jail".
"WHY????"
"well... because I made some mistakes. I mad some bad decisions. Because of alcohol. That's another reason I decided not to drink alcohol anymore. Because alcohol almost always leads to making bad decisions and mistakes and I don't want to live my life that way".
I think it's important to just be honest and to talk with them about the reality of the perspective of alcohol and drugs they'll be shown by the media, by society, by friends and family...... and to be open and honest about my personal experience with alcohol and what I've learned.
I don't think there's anything we can do to determine the outcome.... I think the best we can to is love them, be honest with them, be there for them and be a living example for them. They have to live their own paths. Some of them will develop a problematic relationship with alcohol or drugs. Some of them will abstain. Some of them will find a place in between those extremes and will experiment and moderate and in the end be 'ok'. We cannot live that path for them.... we can only offer them the most loving, honest, supportive, frank and REAL guidance that we can give them - and the very best guidance we can give them is what we SHOW them through the way that we live our own lives.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: England
Posts: 10
Thank you free owl for the open and honest reply. It helps knowing other people think about this a lot. Also, kinsoku. Your reply made me laugh as I've done that many times. Moaned about my husbands drinking with a bottle of red wine at my feet.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Honesty, honesty, honesty.
And lead by example. My daughter is only 5 so I haven't gotten into the nasty details but I eventually will. Children understand. They are not stupid, just young.
I quit drinking 2 years ago (I have drank a couple of times in between but never around her) so she never saw me bad, she was too young. I didn't want her to have a mom like I was so I cracked my whip on myself and started doing the work. She has asked me why others drink and I don't and I just tell her that it was because I don't like how it makes me feel and be.
It's tough, but I think that honesty is always the best policy.
And lead by example. My daughter is only 5 so I haven't gotten into the nasty details but I eventually will. Children understand. They are not stupid, just young.
I quit drinking 2 years ago (I have drank a couple of times in between but never around her) so she never saw me bad, she was too young. I didn't want her to have a mom like I was so I cracked my whip on myself and started doing the work. She has asked me why others drink and I don't and I just tell her that it was because I don't like how it makes me feel and be.
It's tough, but I think that honesty is always the best policy.
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