Ex-Partner of Heroin Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 30
Ex-Partner of Heroin Addict
Hi
Notice the title says 'ex' partner of Heroin addict. After 13 years I showed him the door 3 weeks ago and feel a huge weight has lifted.
What I cannot get my head around is that he has completely cut his daughter out of his life. I know this is what addicts do but it hurts and it hurts a lot.
He got a car before Christmas which is the worse thing ever because now he is Mr Popular driving his drug addict pals around.
He has lost his job and I have have cancelled the car tax and insurance because I refuse to pay for a motor so he can ferry his addict pals around in. It's all a bit of a mess and whilst I feel very relieved he has gone, I feel so so bitter and angry that he has just simply used me for all these years. I was a fool who thought I could change his ways and lifestyle and of course 'help' him to get clean. He has been addicted to Heroin for nearly 30 years and has been in and out of prison most of his life but I thought I could 'save'him - poor me.
The last parting words he said to me after putting a roof over his head and giving birth to his beautiful daughter was - "I f******** hate you".
Notice the title says 'ex' partner of Heroin addict. After 13 years I showed him the door 3 weeks ago and feel a huge weight has lifted.
What I cannot get my head around is that he has completely cut his daughter out of his life. I know this is what addicts do but it hurts and it hurts a lot.
He got a car before Christmas which is the worse thing ever because now he is Mr Popular driving his drug addict pals around.
He has lost his job and I have have cancelled the car tax and insurance because I refuse to pay for a motor so he can ferry his addict pals around in. It's all a bit of a mess and whilst I feel very relieved he has gone, I feel so so bitter and angry that he has just simply used me for all these years. I was a fool who thought I could change his ways and lifestyle and of course 'help' him to get clean. He has been addicted to Heroin for nearly 30 years and has been in and out of prison most of his life but I thought I could 'save'him - poor me.
The last parting words he said to me after putting a roof over his head and giving birth to his beautiful daughter was - "I f******** hate you".
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Welcome to SR. I wish that no one ever found themselves Googling for "help with addict" but I'm glad you found your way here.
I admire the strength that it took to send the "ex" away and it wasn't a decision you made easily. Life of active addiction is no way to live....not for the addict and not for anyone else! You've done the "right" thing, putting you and the child FIRST, but that doesn't lessen the pain much.
Now the only person you need to rescue is YOU! pour all the love and attention and hope into your own amazing self and your own amazing life.
I admire the strength that it took to send the "ex" away and it wasn't a decision you made easily. Life of active addiction is no way to live....not for the addict and not for anyone else! You've done the "right" thing, putting you and the child FIRST, but that doesn't lessen the pain much.
Now the only person you need to rescue is YOU! pour all the love and attention and hope into your own amazing self and your own amazing life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
How old is your daughter?
My daughter's dad is also a heroin adddict. My daughter is 6 and I left her dad when she was 2.
I expect your daughter's dad will come back around either try to get you back or get something from you, perhaps he'll even sound "sorry". Be prepared. Be strong.
this post comes to my mind http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-vampire.html
I found a lot of strength in Alanon before and after I got away from my ex.
My daughter's dad is also a heroin adddict. My daughter is 6 and I left her dad when she was 2.
I expect your daughter's dad will come back around either try to get you back or get something from you, perhaps he'll even sound "sorry". Be prepared. Be strong.
this post comes to my mind http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-vampire.html
I found a lot of strength in Alanon before and after I got away from my ex.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
sianlee...
Welcome to the Board. I'm thankful that you found us and that Anvil and Vale (two of our heavyweights) have beaten me to the punch in greeting you.
Knowing it is one thing. Accepting it emotionally is entirely another. But it doesn't surprise me that your ex has done this. Think of it this way: the most important thing in his life is not you, or his daughter. It's heroin, and he does not care about the price he pays when it comes to supporting his addiction. If you read about heroin and its impact on those who use it, you'll soon come to understand why this is.
Yeah, until he needs something from you, and then the cognitive and verbal gymnastics he'll do in order to get it will dazzle you. Which is why, from this moment on, you need to be grounded. To be frank, the probability that he's going to achieve long term recovery from heroin addiction is not very high. Based on that, your decisions need to be exclusively a function of what's best for your and your daughter. If you're done with him, be done with him -- period. And know to a person we support you with that decision.
This doesn't mean your road ahead will be easy. It won't. The wave of conflicting emotions you'll likely feel will be intense. Just ride it out as best you can, knowing that you really don't have a choice.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I'm thankful that you found us and that Anvil and Vale (two of our heavyweights) have beaten me to the punch in greeting you.
What I cannot get my head around is that he has completely cut his daughter out of his life. I know this is what addicts do but it hurts and it hurts a lot.
The last parting words he said to me after putting a roof over his head and giving birth to his beautiful daughter was - "I f******** hate you".
This doesn't mean your road ahead will be easy. It won't. The wave of conflicting emotions you'll likely feel will be intense. Just ride it out as best you can, knowing that you really don't have a choice.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 30
Hi and thanks for your support.
My daughter is 9 and she keeps asking why she is second best to his 'mates.' It is so difficult to explain this mess.
I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks, which is the longest time he has ever stayed away and to be quite honest I just wish he'd end up in jail again. Rumor has it he's selling it so right now he doesn't need my hard earned cash!
The last time he was in jail he vowed never ever to touch the stuff again and blah blah blah but there's no more chances - ever.
He's nearly 50 so I doubt very very much he will ever kick his habit. He likes the lifestyle too much- if that's what you can call it.
He still lives in the same area and has hooked up with a girl also an heroin addict and lives with a guy who looks like a dancer from Michael Jackson's Thriller video. No offence to anyone, it's the only way I can describe the guy.
The bitterness is subsiding a bit now but the embarrassment is setting in.
My daughter is 9 and she keeps asking why she is second best to his 'mates.' It is so difficult to explain this mess.
I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks, which is the longest time he has ever stayed away and to be quite honest I just wish he'd end up in jail again. Rumor has it he's selling it so right now he doesn't need my hard earned cash!
The last time he was in jail he vowed never ever to touch the stuff again and blah blah blah but there's no more chances - ever.
He's nearly 50 so I doubt very very much he will ever kick his habit. He likes the lifestyle too much- if that's what you can call it.
He still lives in the same area and has hooked up with a girl also an heroin addict and lives with a guy who looks like a dancer from Michael Jackson's Thriller video. No offence to anyone, it's the only way I can describe the guy.
The bitterness is subsiding a bit now but the embarrassment is setting in.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
Not sure if this can help at all...
When I left my daughter's dad I joined a single mom group run by YWCA , when I am hanging out with the moms she gets to hang out with the kids as they offer child minding. I believe it helped my daughter to know several other kids, some who became good friends of hers, who come from "broken families". Many of the other dads are alcoholics, drug addicts and/or violent men. I think it helps her understand that theses dad's actions are not related to anything any kids did or didn't do? Not that she hears much about the dads but I remember for example one girl we know making a drawing of her dad looking like a monster. I think some info trickles through.
We also attend some events with a single parent meet-up group which can be very nice, especially when they do camp out and everybody helps each other (though it seems like it's a lot of week-end dads looking for more than friendship at times).
Your daughter might be old enough to attend Alateen, I think age requirements are different in different areas.
Finally when my daughter was 3 I brought her to play therapy, I found a great therapist (through an alanon friend) who had a number of subsidized spots. Your daughter might be too old for play therapy but it might help her to go to some form of therapy? and you might be able to find something great and affordable.
It's so hard to watch your kid hurt
When I left my daughter's dad I joined a single mom group run by YWCA , when I am hanging out with the moms she gets to hang out with the kids as they offer child minding. I believe it helped my daughter to know several other kids, some who became good friends of hers, who come from "broken families". Many of the other dads are alcoholics, drug addicts and/or violent men. I think it helps her understand that theses dad's actions are not related to anything any kids did or didn't do? Not that she hears much about the dads but I remember for example one girl we know making a drawing of her dad looking like a monster. I think some info trickles through.
We also attend some events with a single parent meet-up group which can be very nice, especially when they do camp out and everybody helps each other (though it seems like it's a lot of week-end dads looking for more than friendship at times).
Your daughter might be old enough to attend Alateen, I think age requirements are different in different areas.
Finally when my daughter was 3 I brought her to play therapy, I found a great therapist (through an alanon friend) who had a number of subsidized spots. Your daughter might be too old for play therapy but it might help her to go to some form of therapy? and you might be able to find something great and affordable.
It's so hard to watch your kid hurt
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