Mum's meeting with social services yesterday
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Mum's meeting with social services yesterday
After the events of a few weeks ago (alcoholic mum got drunk after she went for a chest x-ray at the hospital, ended up at another hospital in A&E not knowing how she got her, ran away from the hospital with some kind of like in her arm, me and the police chasing her around for hours...) the doctor put social services in touch with her. They came to visit her yesterday. So many doubts.
I called her after the visit to see how it went and she said they won't be seeing her again (I understand that). They asked her what would make her stop drinking. She's clearly told them things I have told her in the past, things I think would be good to fill her time.
She sits at home all day long doing nothing but watching TV, she doesn't clean the house unless someone comes to visit, she doesn't cook dinner (seems to just live off mashed potatoes these days). I feel like it must be so depressing. She says she doesn't want to go anywhere, she enjoys watching her TV. She literally puts it on when she gets up at 7am and doesn't move from it till she goes to bed at 11pm. I've said before that maybe if she went for a walk, cleaned a bit, found a hobby she might feel better. I tried to stop saying these things to her though because it isn't up to me, if she wants to get up, go out and do something then she will. However she seems to have repeated all this back to the social workers yesterday- she told them she would like to find a hobby, go for walks, learn to cook. She's said all this before though. She was recently at the hospital with pains in her legs which they discovered was because she just sits down all day every day. She said after that she was going to start going for a little walk here and there. She went once and that was it.
Basically I have doubts that the social services visit even did anything, I wasn't expecting it to. She needs to help herself. It's easy enough for her to parrot things back to them that I have said. Actions speak louder than words though. She ended the call by saying she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't do what she did a few weeks ago again, that it's only a matter of time.
It's frustrating. While angry at her the night after she went on the drink binge and ended up running away from the hospital I told her that she needs to stop drinking because it's messing up my life. I know I shouldn't have said this but she seems to have it in her head that in a few weeks she will stop and everything will be fixed. She thinks social services will come to the house and give her a miracle cure. She has never once done something for herself though. The doctor at the hospital and I think the police suggested that she visits her GP to talk about her drinking. She hasn't done that obviously. She's just made excuse after excuse as to why she hasn't been to the doctors in the last two weeks (she had to go to the opticians, she was making dinner one day last week). Clearly she means none of it.
It all makes me sad and frustrated. I know I can't make her do anything (something I'm trying to remember and learning through my newly discovered Al-Anon group). But the feelings of frustration are still pretty strong, feeling like I want to fix everything and tell her what she HAS to do.
I just need to realise she means none of it though and if she really wanted to then she would get help.
Just getting some thoughts out
I called her after the visit to see how it went and she said they won't be seeing her again (I understand that). They asked her what would make her stop drinking. She's clearly told them things I have told her in the past, things I think would be good to fill her time.
She sits at home all day long doing nothing but watching TV, she doesn't clean the house unless someone comes to visit, she doesn't cook dinner (seems to just live off mashed potatoes these days). I feel like it must be so depressing. She says she doesn't want to go anywhere, she enjoys watching her TV. She literally puts it on when she gets up at 7am and doesn't move from it till she goes to bed at 11pm. I've said before that maybe if she went for a walk, cleaned a bit, found a hobby she might feel better. I tried to stop saying these things to her though because it isn't up to me, if she wants to get up, go out and do something then she will. However she seems to have repeated all this back to the social workers yesterday- she told them she would like to find a hobby, go for walks, learn to cook. She's said all this before though. She was recently at the hospital with pains in her legs which they discovered was because she just sits down all day every day. She said after that she was going to start going for a little walk here and there. She went once and that was it.
Basically I have doubts that the social services visit even did anything, I wasn't expecting it to. She needs to help herself. It's easy enough for her to parrot things back to them that I have said. Actions speak louder than words though. She ended the call by saying she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't do what she did a few weeks ago again, that it's only a matter of time.
It's frustrating. While angry at her the night after she went on the drink binge and ended up running away from the hospital I told her that she needs to stop drinking because it's messing up my life. I know I shouldn't have said this but she seems to have it in her head that in a few weeks she will stop and everything will be fixed. She thinks social services will come to the house and give her a miracle cure. She has never once done something for herself though. The doctor at the hospital and I think the police suggested that she visits her GP to talk about her drinking. She hasn't done that obviously. She's just made excuse after excuse as to why she hasn't been to the doctors in the last two weeks (she had to go to the opticians, she was making dinner one day last week). Clearly she means none of it.
It all makes me sad and frustrated. I know I can't make her do anything (something I'm trying to remember and learning through my newly discovered Al-Anon group). But the feelings of frustration are still pretty strong, feeling like I want to fix everything and tell her what she HAS to do.
I just need to realise she means none of it though and if she really wanted to then she would get help.
Just getting some thoughts out
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Well she is true to form. They always have a good line to tell strangers and authorities don't they? But when it comes to actually doing something to change, well that doesn't happen. Not until they have hit their bottom. My dad didn't stop drinking till he was incarcerated at 80.
Knowing we can't make them do anything is essential for our own mental health. Try as we may, it's like talking to a brick wall. Sounds like you are accepting this, even though it is sad and hard to let go.
Knowing we can't make them do anything is essential for our own mental health. Try as we may, it's like talking to a brick wall. Sounds like you are accepting this, even though it is sad and hard to let go.
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