selpats

This morning, after over a week of being dodged every time I mentioned the word "talk," I have finally ended things with my addict. He left me no choice but to end it over text message, and I'm not expecting a response. It feels good that it was me who decided to walk away this time instead of being kicked to the curb again. Even though i knew he wouldn't respond when I sent it, I was glad I did because it gave me the "closure" I spoke of in my last thread. I said what I had to say, and that's all I can ask for.
I decided to make an appointment with my therapist last week, and I'm so glad I did. I met with her today after sending my break-up text. At first I was upset, but she helped me come to the realization that I shouldn't be surprised when my addict acts like an addict. Why should I be surprised that he's looking for relationships that don't mean anything online? He's not in recovery at all, and intimacy doesn't exist for him. It really helped me because I was finally able to understand that, while he's done some incredibly hurtful things to me, it wasn't because of me, it was because of him. My therapist mentioned that I explain his behaviors as the behaviors of a person, when in fact it's the behaviors of an addict. I always thought that I thought too much about his addictions, when in reality, I was actually subconsciously trying to ignore it. I think through this whole thing I struggled because he made me feel inadequate. Like I wasn't attractive enough or adventurous enough or anything else. In reality, HE is the one who is inadequate for ME. I'm going to miss him, and of course I feel sad when I think about all the good times we had, but once I can start to heal, I hope I'll be able to find someone who can love me in a way that he never did.

zoso77

My hope is you take some time to be by yourself for a while. That is an important part of the healing process -- or at least it was for me. I think you'll have an idea about when you're ready to get back into something with someone.

Sorry it had to come to this, selpats, but I'm not sorry you've kicked him to the curb. Prepare for a rough ride, and be strong.

Ariesagain

Now block his number!

They have a way of sensing when your defenses are down and come back around. Mine sure did, anyway.

Onward!

selpats

Zoso, I fully plan on being single for a while. I need time to heal what he has broken before I am ready to love someone again. I need to figure out what it is about me that leads me to choose men who aren't ready for me.
But yes, I'm glad I finally did the right thing. Hopefully it won't be long until I start to feel relief for not having to worry about him anymore.

zoso77

I think you're always going to feel a bit of a pull for him. The hard part is always using your reason to fight that pull. So be patient and allow the healing process to run its own course.

Hawkeye13

Well done and do block his number.
Don't leave your guard down--addicts have a way of breaking down the door

hopeful4

Good for you. I second blocking his number as typical addict usually come running back.

Hugs to you.

Fior

Block his number, selpats. Lock him out of everywhere. Social media included. And you make sure YOU do it, as opposed to waiting for him to do it (I promise waiting for him to do it will make you feel worse--learned that one the hard way...).

I'm sorry to hear that it ended this way. But, as Zoso said, not sorry that you've kicked him to the curb.
Things are going to be bumpy for awhile. Big hug. We're all virtually here for you when you need us.