GhostFace

Thought of drinking are coming back.

I don't even want to drink it's just the void i cant fill.

Im going through depression right now. My job is not paying me, the girl im talking to is using me for money and alot of doubt is going through my mind.

I just turned 30 and all my peers have a family, a good job while im stuck with a second DUI, no license and the same job for the past seven years. I cant even get around cause of my license and my criminal record makes it hard to get employment.

My escape is the gym and on my rest day which is Monday i get down full of self doubt.

It just crossed my mind that i need to stop comparing myself to others and focus on improvement. My life has changed in the last 100 days being sober but im still lonely and starting a business can cause major stress.

Im tired of being a failure and really want to succeed but the circumstances im in make it hard. The relationship im in is fake and im just maintaining it not to be alone.

Im going through it

SoberLeigh

I have been thinking about you, GhostFace, and hoping that you would post.

I am really sorry to hear that you are having thoughts of drinking. Our lives don't turn around immediately or drastically when we stop drinking; the goodness and improvement that ensues is a gradual process. You have been taking the right steps, GhostFace. Stay the course; have faith that things are going to get better; trust in the process.

Sending you hugs and support. I am so impressed by your commitment and determination.

JD

Is drinking going to make any of that better? Just give some thought to that.

maverickspoint

One of the best things I ever did for myself was to stop caring so much what other people think. Sounds like you have a lot making sobriety all that bit harder. I guess all I can say for certain is that if you drink things will get so much worse. Make a plan, think about what it is in life that makes you really happy.

GhostFace

Drinking will only make it worst, I know that. Im just tired of feeling down and used.

Society has marked me for failure and it's a heavy burden on me.

Dee74

I couldn't fill the void in me either.
It worked a lot better when I focused on healing it GF

Early recovery is tough - that's why support is so important.

Maybe the solution to your depression, loneliness, as well as healing that void is more support?

Posting here more often maybe?

a better recovery plan?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Maybe even considering a meeting based recovery approach like AA?SMART? Lifering?

D

SoberLeigh

You are far from marked for failure, GhostFace. Although it may take some time and effort (which you have already begun), you can rise above your past and become the person you want to be.

I believe in you, GhostFace; believe in yourself.

Rachinator

#1 you are NOT a failure! #2 yes life is kicking you in the nuts right now it does that from time to time. #3 you can persevere you are starting a business that's awesome. Not everyone has the guts to take that leap. It is a lot of stress but the reward can be great. #4 It's going to be rough for you, but if you don't give up you can have a great life. #5 I'm sorry you are in a fake relationship it is sad that you know it isn't genuine. I know loneliness is hard, but you deserve genuine love. (they are hard to find) #6 you may be suffering for a long time, but that is life no one has the rainbow and unicorn life. You have plenty of hurdles, you may trip and fall, but if you can't get up you can never see the reward at the end. Hugs and good luck my friend

Saskia

GhostFace, we didn't get to the lousy spot we were in overnight and getting back to a better place won't happen overnight either. Some people find it can take some months (100 days isn't out of the woods, IMHO).

When I look back now at how much effort it took to get and stay sober during the first year, I can't imagine going back to drinking and going through all that again.

If you are struggling, definitely look for ways to ramp up your support network. Think of the first year as a work in progress. Life truly does get so much better :-)

nova84

101 days sober is a MASSIVE achievement Ghostface. As Im sure you know, having made it to day 101, alcohol is not going to change any of the issues you've raised...in fact it will only make them worse.

Think on this equation: E + R = O

The event + your response = the outcome...you have the power to change O with your R Ghostface.

Wishing you well x

least

Don't give in now. You've come so far, don't go backwards.

2ndhandrose

(((GhostFace)))

Please don't give up. I understand depression, it feels like nothing will ever change but it does. Things will change.

We are all in your corner

soberclover

Ghostface .........I started typing a response at least three different times as it is hard for me at times to put my words together.......but what I do know about my recovery and recovery in general is that relationships screw things up in early recovery. All kinds of relationships, not just our intimate ones.......but especially our intimate ones really screw us up. So many people relapse because of a bad turn in the relationship. Get to know yourself....you are worth it. Maybe when you do this it will help you identify what the void is in your life. I .able to identify that abandonment was my issue. Serious abandonment issues. I'm learning more about it and what triggers it and how to take care of myself without attaching myself like a leach on to another person.

Don't drink Ghostface....it is never worth it.

GhostFace

Thank you all,

I don't even want to drink as i know it will not solve what im going through right now. I don't need a hangover and don't want to hit the reset button. I never thought i would be in this position, an alcoholic.

I just came from my program and that has stressed me out also. I got more benefits here, the only reason im going to the program is because is mandatory by the court. Now they are saying that my urine is diluted but that's because i drink alot of water due to kidney problem.

I'm testing my faith and hoping that everything goes well. Im so dissapointed at the years i wasted. Turning 30 was a wakeup call to get myself together.

doggonecarl

Being a hundred days sober is a huge victory, not a failure. It's also pretty early in the whole scheme of things. Give recovery time. Sober, you will achive the things you want.

Drinking, you won't.

Don't blow this progress for a case of the blues that will pass.

silentrun

Congratulations on 101 days! That means you went straight into Christmas, New Year's and the Super bowl and came out still sober. That's pretty great.

Tonymblue

You're not a failure. You're an inspriration. I long to get to a 100 days. Hang in there.

Lorax1981

Dude, you're only 30, you're sober, hitting the gym hard, have A job, and you're a good guy. You gots lots going for you! I hit some pretty tough times in the first year, not gonna lie, but I got through and so can you. Keep it up man, give yourself a little pat on the back, you're doing good.

Soberwolf

Ghostface one thing I can promise you is your not alone your among friends who are there to the end of the line

I'm coming up on 34 this year don't worry too much about the 30 thing I always say what would an 80 year old make of me saying I'm 30 ?

My advice listen to the sunscreen song by Baz Luhrman

SoberLife90

Don't give up! Drinking will not take away your lonliness. Go help another alcoholic and take your mind off yourself.