Emotional, confused, need your opinion

Old 02-08-2016, 11:32 AM
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Emotional, confused, need your opinion

I am so confused, about myself, my feelings, my outlook. Long story, I know we all have them. My AH is definitely a binge drinker. Our marriage almost completely fell apart about two years ago. We made a choice to work it out. Our issues, I should say, my issue is his drinking. He is not nasty, not ever abusive, he's a mushy, fun drunk, but drunk nonetheless. He has made a huge effort in curbing the drinking, but it is sneaking back again. Drinking more frequently and when he drinks, he doesnt stop. He will drink to the point of gettibg completely annihilated. We have a teen age child, who no doubt feels my anger and stress. She knows when he is drunk, yet she sticks up for him and looks at me as the bitch angry one. Alcoholism runs in both ou families. A few days ago, my daughter and I came home from our errands to find him unable to speak. His slurring was off the charts , he ate then passed out on the couch. The next day he texted me several times to apologize. He also stated he didn't know why he got so wasted. It's not every day, but once is enough. Any family functions, I am always the driver. He is usually drunk. Peeing in the car on the way home. This got so out of hand in the past that I had one foot out of the door . I guess he realized how serious I was. Fast forward to now, we are on our way to being in the same spot. He knows I am angry. I have ignored him. Now, he is ignoring me. This is stupid. What am I doing???
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Old 02-08-2016, 11:56 AM
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I was in a relationship with a sober alcoholic who began drinking. I saw the progression and it was scary. Things got crazy enough that I had to emotionally detach just to keep myself together. Other people I am sure will have more advice. Alcoholism scares me and as a recovering alcoholic I know that when I drank I did not appreciate the people who loved me--I took them for granted. I hope you feel better.
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Old 02-08-2016, 12:03 PM
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So many will relate to your story. AH puked in my car. Lovely. I remember feeling overwhelmed, edgy, always having a plan B. And c. What I chose to do, and it took me a long time to get there, was ask him to leave. With a deadline. He threatened to never talk to me again. Blablah. Now we're separated. He's spiraling but I'm not stuck gripping a palm tree in the hurricane right now. I've set concrete boundaries. I don't know what tomorrow brings but I can tell you it's a helluva lot more peaceful!!
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Old 02-08-2016, 12:33 PM
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Maybe Alanon could help at least you will get understanding from folks that are going through and have been through what you are experiencing right now , and you will get real good advice and support and people to share with and you will not feel so helpless and alone , take care . Stevie recovered alcoholic 12 03 2006
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Old 02-08-2016, 01:27 PM
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Sorry I can't give you good advise because I'm in a similar situation. I hope you are able to talk to him about his behaviors when he is sober (My AH is closed off/drinking all the time). It sounds like he is at least apologetic and he may be able to listen to reason. Right now all you can do if you are thinking of leaving him/kicking him out is that you start making arrangements now. You don't have to do it right away, but start saving money, keep a log, make sure you have copies of important documents. There is a sticky at the top about leaving. It sure does help. Hugs and I hope there is a shining light in this sucky situation.
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:34 PM
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I relate to your story. With my STBXAH, everything was/is cyclical. I believe alcoholics know/can sense when we've reached our max capacity for their antics and they lay off...and then they sense when they can go ape poo again. You can get off the roller coaster if you want to. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk it through. I found a lot of support and help here.
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:56 PM
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Your husband needs help. He needs to understand why he behaves the way he does. I was one of those husbands for 27 years. I was a chemical abuser for 44 years. It started in High School with social anxiety. I learned that drinking would help me regain control over social circumstances that made me feel helpless, trapped and lacking control. I would regain control with a quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. It's real easy to over drink because as soon as you start coming down you feel the anxiety and crank it up. Soon you are drunken idiot.
I was on autopilot with this corrupted thinking all my adult life. The trick, if you will is to learn to regain control or reverse the helpless, trapped feelings with an alternative healthy behavior. The antidote is to understand and manage your emotions, your feelings, in a healthy manner.
Your husband could go to Psychotherapy to learn this. In my case, I turned to God when my wife left me and my first born son became a heroin addict. I get my feelings from the Bible now. I regain control with Christ driven behavior that reverses feelings of helplessness and empowers me with new thinking, new values and self control. Sorry for the homily, but these are my facts. People change when they hurt enough and have to or when they learn enough and want to.
Addendum: My wife and I have are married 30 years now and never more in love. My son is sober and healthy and works security!
My prayers are with you.
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