Voglereh

Realizing I'm codependent is crazy hard for me. I've always considered myself to be a strong independent woman regardless of what the alcoholic in my life does. Well - he's been gone now almost 1 1/2 years and I still find myself caving to his manipulation, trying to save him and worrying about him. I know some of this is because we had 20 years together, children together and a life that wasn't all bad. However the other part that is becoming clear to me is that I lost myself somewhere along the line and trying to save him. I've forgotten what it's like to live, really live my own life. I left because I couldn't live that life anymore, but I find myself slipping from time to time. Contacting his parents in an effort to help or something instead of just to say hello. The lines got blurred somewhere along the line for me, so now I have to figure out who I am without him. He's dying due to this disease and I can't save him, I know this. But I have to find my own path not only for myself but for our kids. I will be the survivor here, and need to be strong for my kids when the inevitable happens. Not sure how to do it, not sure who I am anymore. I was strong enough to get out from under it, but I never really realized how the chaos had truly become my normal.

Bekindalways

Well said Voglereh. Codependency is so subtle and so powerful; it turns conventional hallmark ideas of love on its head.

Keep working at it. I sure still am.