Rosiepetal

I've recently split from my RABF.
It's weird considering I was posting here New Years feeling happy about it all.
I'm not even sure what went wrong.
All I know is that my gut was intensely telling me to break it off.
I had felt like he had some disinterest in me & I also felt bored with the relationship & the way it was progressing.
I still think the world of him. He is a great guy.
His transformation from alcoholic to sober is amazing.
Yet there was something missing.
We had a massive talk about things & he told me about a whole lot of things I was doing wrong that I had no idea over.
It was not mean, nasty or anything & I think given time we could actually be friends as we both care about each other.
I've been trying to focus on myself which I think may be the prime reason for the breakup, something was off & I felt the need to separate to find myself & work through it all.
I have been exercising, eating healthy & meditating a lot.
Some times I feel highs for the freedom & opportunitys I now have, other times I feel low & confused & numb.
All I know is that I can't predict what will happen in the future & I must once again live by one day at a time.
Deep down I think I still love him but I am not in love with him. This leads me to question why & to separate to look at myself.
Thanks for listening.
We have been together for about 6 years.

LexieCat

That's pretty much how I felt eventually about my first husband. Sober, great guy, love him a lot. Just not IN love with him. And he deserves someone who feels that way about him (as his wife does).

Maybe you will wind up good friends--I am with my ex. The kids are out on their own now but we stay in close touch.

I think it's normal to feel like everything is "off" for a while, even when you break things off amicably.

Hugs, give yourself a bit of time to process/grieve and things will be looking up for you soon.

Rosiepetal

Thanks for your support Lexie.
I really appreciate it.

FeelingGreat

Rosie it sounds like a mature mutual decision. I'm sure you'll feel lonely for a while but you two didn't rush into this, and it hasn't been done in anger.

Staying friendly with an ex mainly depends on whether one of the parties still wants to be together. If you're mutually happy to move on then you've got a good chance of being friends eventually. Just don't push it right now.

Rosiepetal

Thanks Feelinggreat.
He is still hopeful I'll return to him but for now we need to put some distance between us.
I don't have a lot of friends so I'd welcome him as one down the track if & when the time is right.

lizatola

Rosie, this is such a healthy way to break up. There's no need to string someone along if the feelings aren't there. It's not fair to either party: whether you've been married for 1 year, dating for 3, or living together for 20....relationships ebb and flow and change and sometimes they just don't work out.

I love how you shared this because I know today that I have to learn to live for today. I know that I need to focus on my needs and make sure that I am living my best life today. Looking back is great for seeing the lessons I've learned while looking too far forward creates anxiety and fear for me.

I applaud your maturity and your honesty with him. HUGS, I'm sure this wasn't an easy decision to come to.