uncorked

Hey all, I'm doing great, 110 days sober so far. But I'm pretty much staying home at night except for going out to eat with my kids. I've been invited to several meetings where there's an open bar and I have declined each one. I don't feel ready to handle that just yet. I know I'll be tempted and am worried I'll succumb. For those who have some sober time under their belt, when were you ready to socialize again? I live in New Orleans and it's Mardi Gras....no parties for me this year! Thanks.

nova84

Congratulations on 110 days 🎉🎉🎉 I've noticed that someone asked the same question yesterday and they received lots of great advice so I have attempted to post the link for you...sorry if I haven't done it right!!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/384495-how-long-before-you-test-water-around-drinkers.html

All the best on your recovery journey x

Dee74

Hi Uncorked - like I said in that other thread, I just knew when I was ready

D

BarbieKen

I don't remember when I crossed the line and could be around drinkers again. However, we went to Las Vegas for a 2 week vacation, I was around 9 months into my recovery! No cravings at all. Just floating on my Pink Cloud and having the best vacation in many, many years!

I know this disease in me can pop up, I see it in others who have gone out. Friends who I thought had this AA/CA Program down! Never say never, I keep doing what I need to do ODAAT.
Bobbi

Berrybean

I suppose we're all ready at different times. When you decide it is safe for you, don't forget to make a plan around the evening. I need a plan for when I am in slippery places or with slippery people. A bit like writing a risk assessment to raise my own awareness; develop possible strategies; and thereby minimising the risk to my sobriety.

Personally, while I am confident that I'm not going to suddenly ask for a drink, I'm not comfortable being surrounded by lots of people who are actually drunk. They're generally boring and repetitive. My partner (of 25 years) for example, who when sober is a very intelligent and witty man, is SO boring and tiresome when he is drunk. He tells me the same things over and over. Same jokes, Same information. Same gripes. Worse though is when he asks me the same question over and over, and if I say, I already answered this X number of times, he thinks I'm being unreasonable when I don't want to answer it again. And 5 minutes later we go through it again. And that's someone I love! I certainly don't want to surround myself with lots of people like that who I DON'T love. I am happy to leave them to it.

If I go to a pub, I make sure it's one that I know serves alcohol free options that I like to drink, and I make sure that I go at the start of the evening when there are likely to be people who are still at least semi-sober. I make sure that no-one is relying on me to get home (so I wouldn't go to a country pub with my partner, because then if he wants to stay, and I reach the stage where I need to get away, we will end up entering into a disagreement.) I will go with him to places where he can get back from independently by foot; train; or taxi. And before we go I explain that I will stay for a bit and he's welcome to a lift back with me when I need to get out of there, or stay on and make his own way back. I've found these boundaries help me feel and stay safe in these environments.

I also make sure my mobile is with me and that I have numbers of people I can text or call for support if the urge does come on me - not that it has. Usually bars remind me of why I stopped nowadays!

When I went on a hen weekend to Berlin, using this site really kept me sane. I was also very definite about my boundaries on that weekend. They were in a group and I kept in mind that me heading back to the hotel when they started getting sloppy drunk really wasn't going to spoil their fun, no matter what they said (and I earned Brownie points by fetching and delivering cold juice and hangover cures to their hotel rooms in the morning before heading out for my own spot of sanity time while they got back into the land of the living).

I also make sure I have some other escape strategy up my sleeve (popping to the corner shop or similar) in case I need a break to get my head back in a good place.


Is there a special event that you're thinking of going to, or are you just missing going out generally and wanting to get more social?

PS Mardi Gras sounds amazing. Isn't there some way to take part in a different way? Eg do they need volunteers for anything that day? Could you get involved in a group who take part and enjoy the fun without drinking (kids, or disabled people who need support to access the day?) I used to think I'd never enjoy Christmas sober - but actually since I've stopped thinking Christmas is just about drinking I've joined in with a lot of different Christmas events and have got a lot more out of it than I did from my blurry, slurry bar-side spot for all those years. We just have to develop a new way of looking at things - alcoholism isn't referred to as a disease of the perception for nothing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRUvuh4FrVA

On The Road

I don't have a problem going out to parties and happy hours anymore because I know I can leave anytime I want.

I'm struggling more with my wife's drinking at home. She'll only have a couple of glasses of wine on Friday or Saturday night, but I can't stay in the same room with her. . . the smell of alcohol - the memories of getting wasted in the comfort of my house - it's the worst.

Soberwolf

I think a safe estimate is 6-12 months

SoberinSyracuse

I'm only 26 days sober, and I'm already comfortable, but there are two caveats:

1) I always have an escape plan just in case.
2) I don't go to heavy drinking scenes because drunks are too boring. One of the gifts I give myself as a reward for sobriety, is I'm allowed to avoid boring people, places, and things. I have no obligation to them.

So, yes, I'm fine having dinner with friends who are sharing a bottle of wine. But why would I go to a bar late at night?