ItsJustMe89

I drank last night. Then I woke up late... again. And got to work 45 minutes late. Yesterday I got to work an hour and a half late. I am one messed up person. I scare myself. When will I ever learn? How many jobs do I have to lose because I over slept? Its not like I don't care about my job. My job is very important to me and I love working there and I am lucky to have it. I cant even begin to count the amount of morning that I have woken up, looked at my phone, and paniced when I saw what time it was. And then threw on cloths, didnt even brush my teeth because there was no time, thought up some excuse (I have used them all), and went into work long past the start of the shift. You would think I would be tired of looking like a ridiculous person, wondering what the consequences will be when I get to work, evaluating how close I am getting to termination.

I am not going to drink tonight. I just dumped out the rest of my handle of Captain Morgan. There was still a lot left. But it is down the kitchen sink now. And I am going to a meeting tomorrow.

I am scared for myself and I need help. I have needed help for years.

duane1

Great to hear you dumped the old Captain down the drain. Let us know how the meeting goes.

SoberinSyracuse

Yes, I can see you've needed help for quite a while. From at least September 2014 when you joined. What have you tried so far? Has anything worked, even for a short period of time?

Dee74

A solid recovery plan can really help IJM?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

least

Yes, do go to the meeting, and don't forget to get phone numbers to call when you need to talk to someone. It helps to stay sober when you have lots of support.

Don't buy any more alcohol. Get sober for good before something truly awful happens.

kittycat3

I'm so sorry. We've all been there. I'm so glad you poured out the booze and I'm glad you are going to a meeting.
Stay close. You can do this one day at a time.

ItsJustMe89

I have tried so many times. I have put myself in IOP and would go to work, then IOP, and go home and drink like normal. The whole time I was in IOP, I only stayed sober for 3 1/2 days in a row. The rest of the time I drank at night. Then I started going to meetings. I picked up white chips, I might go 2 or 3 days but then I would drink and pick up another chip. So I got a temporary sponsor. That was helpful. Made a tiny bit of progress but it took me 3 1/2 months to stop relapsing during the first week and a half. When I did get sober, I made it 87 days. Then I relapsed. I made some half ass attempts to get sober since then but it didn't last. So I just stopped going to AA for a few months. I just lived in active addiction and wasn't even trying to not drink. And now I am here.

So I know I need to go to AA, I need to find a sponsor. I need to get phone numbers and call sober women. I am not going to be a happy camper for quite some time.

sugarbear1

Work those steps, you might just become a happy person!!!!

FLCamper

2 or 3 days is a start. Just string a few of those together, then a few more, then a few more.
Maybe set an alarm clock across the room so you have to get up to turn it off.
That feeling of being late is horrible.

least

I think, once the alcohol is out of your system, you will be capable of being happy. When I was drinking, I didn't think I'd ever be happy. But after being sober for about three months, still unhappy, I started practicing gratitude. I made myself find at least one thing every day that I was grateful for.

At first, I had to force myself, as I was depressed and didn't think I had anything to be grateful for. But as I kept on doing it, it became a habit, and it was a lot easier to find things to be grateful for.

It changed my whole attitude, and had a lot to do with losing the desire to drink.

ItsJustMe89

I believe that. I plan to work the steps once I sober up. But the steps scare me. I don't know if I have what it takes to face myself so deeply. I hope I can find the courage to be completely honest with myself, trust another person enough to share all of it with them, and then make up for everything I have done wrong. It sounds like a nightmare but if I can struggle though all 12 steps, maybe I will be able to live with myself.

chrcarlson

ItsJustMe89, I wished there was something I could do to help you quit. I really feel for you and wish you the best. My sponsor said to keep an open mind and just work the steps as best you can. Just do it with an open mind and eventually you will get it.

SoberLife90

All you need to have is some willingness...well...and enough honesty and openmindedness to help you work through them. I suggest giving it all you have verybsoon because you will lose that job. Most employers aren't going to put up with your crap very long. You are most likely very replaceable. The steps can be intimidating, but you won't have to live your life drunk or high anymore. Life itself is full of obstacles and in early sobriety especially, you are dealing with the emotions of living life on life's terms for the first time in a long time. I wish you luck. Deeper than the job this is life and death. For many of us to go back to our drinking it will be the death of us. I sure hope you pull it together for the love of god.

SoberinSyracuse

I think you'll be a happier camper than you are right now. You're under a LOT of pressure trying to juggle this addiction and not lose your job!

Sounds like you definitely have it in you. If you made it 87 days, you have it in you. The trick is getting the first stretch under your belt.

Do you have anyone close to you -- a friend, a significant other, a family member who can stay with you in the evenings for a while? Or can you stay at their place for a while? Desperate times call for desperate measures -- how can you be kept away from alcohol at night for a little while so you can get to work on time?

Also, do you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) at work? If so, you might want to reach out to them for help and, to an extent, job protection.

red3215

A lot of people get sober without following any of the steps, or going to AA. Some on here have said this forum has been all they needed while others use this board and other support.
But there are some very good things about the AA program. Such as learning to be honest with yourself, working on your flaws, being around other alcoholics with similar stories to yours...etc.

Put lots of time and effort into turning your mind against alcohol and reminding yourself frequently why you don't drink. It needs to be a DAILY thing and your first priority right now, because if you don't sober up, what else will matter?
You deserve better

Thumpalumpacus

It is indeed difficult, and demands personal courage of a sort we're not used to applying, but believe me, once you see yourself clearly, you are far better able to break down what seems to be a huge problem into manageable steps.

What's more, once you start working on those issues, you will become happier with the person in the mirror.

We are all works-in-progress. Focus on the positive steps, and keep one foot in front of the other.

Soberwolf

You can do this IJM support is vital lean on us through the tough times sober we have your back

In this together never alone x