It's Really All Happening !!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
It's Really All Happening !!!
Hi,
Me again. I got my house. Signing a lease tommorrow. They will take my dogs, and are happy to have me as a tenent. I feel grateful I found the place.
I really believe my ah has no comprehension of what is happening. He keeps repeating, he's filed divorce papers, but I've got nothing. I filed 3 weeks ago, my lawyer has got the receipt back from the court.
I so wished that my marriage could have worked out. Again my ah continues to refuse to look at himself, rather loose everything he once loved, and live in his own little world.
I have read a lot lately about narcistic characteristics. It fits my ah. He is never wrong, an expert on everything, arrogant, shows no remorse. He acts especially when he drinks like he's better than everyone else. He has people around him that need him, and usually have numerous issues themselves. He's always been this way, but the alcohol is making it much worse.
He's not living here right now, but came in the house when I wasn't home, with police, to pick up a few things. My ah saw I had been packing, and took a new griddle, we got for Christmas a few years ago. My ah called and reamed me up and down, called me a c---t, Wh-e, among other things. Told me he was no longer going to be nice. His sister told him I was that kind of woman, would take everything. It wasn't pretty.
I have an appt with my lawyer tomm. I am bring a list of the items I am taking when I move, only thing acquired together. Anything we had before marriage doesn't apply. I will take a bed ,and a dresser and bureau. He will be left with one. I will take the curio cabinet and china cabinet, because it was bought because I had stuff before we were married, to go in it. He will keep the dinning and living rooms sets, his before we married. I'll take the small kitchen island, because I can use it as a table.
I think this is very fair, but my ah isn't thinking clearly anymore.
How do people work these things out? I have the cost of a move, so am really broke. If he flipped out over a griddle, what will he do when I move the other stuff!
When I'm gone, he'll be moving back in. It was his house before we married. I could stay, but I really don't feel safe here, in his head, it will always be his home.
Through lawyers, he will be informed that he can move back. I don't want him to know where I am. I still have my protective order in place.
This is just so mind boggling. I hope I can keep it together till I move. I hope there is a better life waiting for me.
I still worry about my ah. I worry that he is really sick. I know he doesn't care for me anymore, but I might be the straw that makes him hurt himself. I suppose that's not my problem anymore.
I am praying the next 2 weeks will go by quickly and smoothly. It has taken me a lot strength to get here.
Thank you for listening .
Me again. I got my house. Signing a lease tommorrow. They will take my dogs, and are happy to have me as a tenent. I feel grateful I found the place.
I really believe my ah has no comprehension of what is happening. He keeps repeating, he's filed divorce papers, but I've got nothing. I filed 3 weeks ago, my lawyer has got the receipt back from the court.
I so wished that my marriage could have worked out. Again my ah continues to refuse to look at himself, rather loose everything he once loved, and live in his own little world.
I have read a lot lately about narcistic characteristics. It fits my ah. He is never wrong, an expert on everything, arrogant, shows no remorse. He acts especially when he drinks like he's better than everyone else. He has people around him that need him, and usually have numerous issues themselves. He's always been this way, but the alcohol is making it much worse.
He's not living here right now, but came in the house when I wasn't home, with police, to pick up a few things. My ah saw I had been packing, and took a new griddle, we got for Christmas a few years ago. My ah called and reamed me up and down, called me a c---t, Wh-e, among other things. Told me he was no longer going to be nice. His sister told him I was that kind of woman, would take everything. It wasn't pretty.
I have an appt with my lawyer tomm. I am bring a list of the items I am taking when I move, only thing acquired together. Anything we had before marriage doesn't apply. I will take a bed ,and a dresser and bureau. He will be left with one. I will take the curio cabinet and china cabinet, because it was bought because I had stuff before we were married, to go in it. He will keep the dinning and living rooms sets, his before we married. I'll take the small kitchen island, because I can use it as a table.
I think this is very fair, but my ah isn't thinking clearly anymore.
How do people work these things out? I have the cost of a move, so am really broke. If he flipped out over a griddle, what will he do when I move the other stuff!
When I'm gone, he'll be moving back in. It was his house before we married. I could stay, but I really don't feel safe here, in his head, it will always be his home.
Through lawyers, he will be informed that he can move back. I don't want him to know where I am. I still have my protective order in place.
This is just so mind boggling. I hope I can keep it together till I move. I hope there is a better life waiting for me.
I still worry about my ah. I worry that he is really sick. I know he doesn't care for me anymore, but I might be the straw that makes him hurt himself. I suppose that's not my problem anymore.
I am praying the next 2 weeks will go by quickly and smoothly. It has taken me a lot strength to get here.
Thank you for listening .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you sound very CLEAR as if you know precisely where you are on the map....maybe not quite sure how you GOT there, but definitely THERE! hang in there....and for god's sake don't even THINK of taking the Mickey Mouse Waffle Iron!!! 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Leave him a detailed list of everything you take. If the court decides he's to get any of it back, you'll give it to him. It will all get worked out in the end.
My second husband insisted I take EVERYTHING. I left him anything for which there were duplicates, and there was certainly enough for him to set up his apartment. Over a year later he called me and complained I'd taken the "best" cutting board and salt & pepper shakers. Oh, WELL. He told me to take EVERYTHING and I didn't. I bought everything I took, and most of it I owned before I ever met him.
Big babies they are.
My second husband insisted I take EVERYTHING. I left him anything for which there were duplicates, and there was certainly enough for him to set up his apartment. Over a year later he called me and complained I'd taken the "best" cutting board and salt & pepper shakers. Oh, WELL. He told me to take EVERYTHING and I didn't. I bought everything I took, and most of it I owned before I ever met him.
Big babies they are.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Z-
You have a lot to do packing up your stuff. The time will fly by over the next 2 weeks.
Just like lexie, AXH an I have been divorced almost 1 1/2 years and I get a text the other day he is looking for his sky goggles. Like I really want his sky goggles. They are crazy. Just write it off, take your stuff and move on. Mostly everything can be purchased again.
Hugs my friend, the peace that will come over you will be amazing.
You have a lot to do packing up your stuff. The time will fly by over the next 2 weeks.
Just like lexie, AXH an I have been divorced almost 1 1/2 years and I get a text the other day he is looking for his sky goggles. Like I really want his sky goggles. They are crazy. Just write it off, take your stuff and move on. Mostly everything can be purchased again.
Hugs my friend, the peace that will come over you will be amazing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
So happy to hear about your new place Zircon! I hope it will provide a place for healing and a new start for you.
It is totally normal to worry about him; listen to this feeling/thought and then let it go; just don't act on it. If you are a believer, when the worry hits say a prayer. In the end your husband is a child of God (or nature if you are not a believer) and he is not yours to fix or save.
Peace to you.
It is totally normal to worry about him; listen to this feeling/thought and then let it go; just don't act on it. If you are a believer, when the worry hits say a prayer. In the end your husband is a child of God (or nature if you are not a believer) and he is not yours to fix or save.
Peace to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
What Lexie said--report the phone call
and leave a list.
Don't not take things because he is trying to intimidate you.
Remember things like bedding, towells and staple pantry items, cleaning supplies, etc.
as these are also part of your shared items.
I think, however, you only need to list "durable goods" but others may know better than me on this?
It is very important to report the call Zircon or you will get more. . .
Glad you found a nice place for you and your puppies
and leave a list.
Don't not take things because he is trying to intimidate you.
Remember things like bedding, towells and staple pantry items, cleaning supplies, etc.
as these are also part of your shared items.
I think, however, you only need to list "durable goods" but others may know better than me on this?
It is very important to report the call Zircon or you will get more. . .
Glad you found a nice place for you and your puppies
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Look at you go Z!! Good for you!
Yes, leave a list. You can always work it out later of you have something he wants. Just remember, everything material can be replaced ( Your peace cannot ). You are almost there....
Xoxo
Ro
PS... I kept the crock pot! Too bad!!
:dance6
Yes, leave a list. You can always work it out later of you have something he wants. Just remember, everything material can be replaced ( Your peace cannot ). You are almost there....
Xoxo
Ro
PS... I kept the crock pot! Too bad!!
:dance6
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