Dad23

....hear me out on this.

There are so many brave people here who have "crossed the rubicon" to sobriety very successfully. Whatever process they went though to get to that point - it all just seems that one day - it just clicked - and there was no turning back!

For those that haven't found that day yet, it's not easy to see or understand that moment. (It's kind of like looking into a one way mirror - we can see you, but you can't see us!)

It's even harder to describe for those who HAVE had that moment. They will say things like "I don't know what happened - one day I was just ready." or "It just clicked." or "I just knew that today was the day." or "I had enough, there was no turning back."

Whatever happened, they made an absolute decision: drinking was not an option any more - and willpower (which is highly unreliable) was no longer required.

So many people have struggled endlessly, myself included, because we were denying ourselves of a drink. The ego does not take denial very well - so we failed easily. But as soon as you take drinking off the table - there is no more denial - and it gets SO MUCH EASIER.

Here's an exercise for you to try if you want to see the logic behind this:

Think of any substance that you could eat or drink today - but never would. It could be a food or drink that you hate. It could be a poison (which ethanol is) like arsenic or bleach or ammonia. It doesn't matter - as long as its absolutely something you would NEVER think of consuming today.

With apologies to my Scottish friends - I chose HAGGIS as my "I'll never eat it" food. (please don't be offended, haggis worked for me and actually made this whole exercise quite funny!)

Now, go back and reread your old posts, or even someone else's - substituting YOUR WORD for alcohol.

I got results like this....

"Got home today and couldn't resist eating haggis again."

"When am I going to realize that eating haggis is doing nothing for my life?"

"What are my friends going to think when I go out with them on Friday night and I'm not eating haggis?"

"After three months sober, I made the mistake that I could now control my haggis consumption."

"I came home and forgot that I had some leftover haggis in the fridge."

Anyway, you get the point. This exercise showed me how ridiculous my obsession was with alcohol. My problem was I was EXPECTING to drink every day. (I certainly wasn't expecting to eat haggis on any day.)

As soon as I could isolate and excise that expectation to drink - it clicked!

Hope this helps.

Thumpalumpacus

I know that I slipped into my alcoholism with that sort of unspoken assumption -- after a while, I expected to have a cold one after work, and gave no thought to where that expectation would lead.

Ariesagain

Love this!

"I was so stressed out that I had to sit down and have some haggis to relax."

FreeOwl

Makes perfect sense to me and doesn't sound silly at all.

"I just can't STOP thinking about drinking shards of glass mixed with dog poo and cat vomit".....

yep... lol

dogslover2016

I love it.

"I've been hiding my haggis in my car..."

least

Sounds perfectly logical to me.

PeacefulRain

Mine would be sushi. I've had it 3 times and absolutely hate it. I am surrounded by sushi eaters. The thought of never eating sushi again makes me shrug my shoulders and say meh whatever, I couldn't care less. The thought of never drinking alcohol again and being "normal" makes me sad. How stupid is that!?!?!

Soberwolf

Great post & lol about haggis I'm Scottish and I don't go near it

PinotNOmore

I LOVE this idea!!! But now I have to think of something I dislike. I like everything! Lol

SoberinSyracuse

What's a Haggi? :-)

mav

Great idea. I'd choose celery. Man I hate that stuff.

I know it wasn't really the point of your post but I just wanted to pick up on something. Things have clicked for me (only recently, mind) but

I still need a megaton of willpower, but there's something about my view now which means I need a different type of willpower? Or something. Not sure. But just 'cos things have clicked doesn't make this magically easier.

Dad23

Personally, I had struggled with quitting for YEARS, but I'd last no more than a few days. I was miserable, and hating myself because I thought I was weak!

But by a process of elimination, I discovered my problem was that drinking was still a possibility to me - it was still "on the table" so to speak. Every day I had this personal war going on within me. Every day I struggled to make the hard choice to not drink. Inevitably, my willpower failed and was back to Day 1 again.

So, I took it off the table - drinking (or not drinking) is no longer a choice for me. The pressure is off. I need no willpower. I'm not denying myself anything. The internal battle is over.

It's not a gimmick. It's a decision. I'm not using any willpower to prevent me from eating haggis today. I'm not using any willpower to keep me from drinking today either.

When you say that you still need a lot of willpower - that's because there's some part of you that still believes drinking is a possibility for you. Take it off the table.

Hope this helps.

mav

We may need to agree to disagree on this. Maybe I've misunderstood what your 'click' did for you, or it may be semantics, but for me there's a huge difference between consciously making the decision to never drink again and having the discipline and self-control to go through with it. Anyone can announce "I don't drink anymore", in fact it's the first step of RR, but the real process is the recovery. The way you're describing it as if you've become a non-drinking former alcoholic overnight and not experiencing any of the classic symptoms that lead a lot of people to relapse. If that's the case then you need to bottle it or write it down as you'll make a fortune!

Like i said, I like the principle as an illustrative technique. But unless you've actually conditioned your brain to replace 'beer' with 'haggis' then it's not an apples for apples comparison. You don't avoid haggis because of what it's doing to you, or the dire consequences of continuing to use haggis. You avoid it because you just don't like it.

ItsJustMe89

This is funny. Thanks for making me laugh!

"I would go a few days, drink cat pee, start over, decide that if I drink cat pee I wont set myself back that far since I only have a few days, so I would drink cat pee and start over again and again."

"I talked to that person on the phone while she was drinking cat pee and I was jealous that she got to go out and drink cat pee and sounded like she was having so much fun and I didn't really want to get my 90 day chip. I wanted to go drink cat pee with her. So I did"