Pregnant and trying to stay clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 1
Pregnant and trying to stay clean
Hi all,
I'm new to this forum, although I am not new to recovery or, as they say, this ain't my first rodeo. I am 6 months pregnant with my first child, and was addicted to opiates and benzos when I got pregnant. I was in such denial that I knew I had a problem but didn't see it as a pressing problem, as I was pretty highly functional and active. However, once I found out I was pregnant, I began tapering the drugs, as going "cold turkey" can cause a miscarriage, and then told on myself to my health care provider and got help. I was put on subutex, but didn't want to stay on it due to the risk of the baby going through withdrawals, so I tapered off that while also tapering off the benzo. Last Tuesday was my first day with no drugs. I am feeling like a mess. I haven't slept much in the past two weeks since I got off the opiates, and getting off the benzo has made me even more of a jittery mess. I desperately miss the feeling of being high, but I know that going back to the drugs isn't an option and, not to be too specific, but the way I scored would take weeks, and the craving would likely pass by then. A good night's sleep would work miracles, but I am too agitated and shaky to sleep. Ironically, I am too tired to do anything. Is this normal? When, oh when, will I feel like myself again?
Sorry to vent. I don't really have anyone to vent to, as my husband doesn't really know what is going on. He doesn't know I abused drugs, and while he is worried about my sleeplessness, he thinks it is the hormones. Some of it likely is. I just can't wait for the "fire in my blood" to die down, and to get more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time--I think that will improve my outlook. For now, I just keep repeating to myself that the pain is my body and brain healing, and this too shall pass.
I'm new to this forum, although I am not new to recovery or, as they say, this ain't my first rodeo. I am 6 months pregnant with my first child, and was addicted to opiates and benzos when I got pregnant. I was in such denial that I knew I had a problem but didn't see it as a pressing problem, as I was pretty highly functional and active. However, once I found out I was pregnant, I began tapering the drugs, as going "cold turkey" can cause a miscarriage, and then told on myself to my health care provider and got help. I was put on subutex, but didn't want to stay on it due to the risk of the baby going through withdrawals, so I tapered off that while also tapering off the benzo. Last Tuesday was my first day with no drugs. I am feeling like a mess. I haven't slept much in the past two weeks since I got off the opiates, and getting off the benzo has made me even more of a jittery mess. I desperately miss the feeling of being high, but I know that going back to the drugs isn't an option and, not to be too specific, but the way I scored would take weeks, and the craving would likely pass by then. A good night's sleep would work miracles, but I am too agitated and shaky to sleep. Ironically, I am too tired to do anything. Is this normal? When, oh when, will I feel like myself again?
Sorry to vent. I don't really have anyone to vent to, as my husband doesn't really know what is going on. He doesn't know I abused drugs, and while he is worried about my sleeplessness, he thinks it is the hormones. Some of it likely is. I just can't wait for the "fire in my blood" to die down, and to get more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time--I think that will improve my outlook. For now, I just keep repeating to myself that the pain is my body and brain healing, and this too shall pass.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Congratulations on your pregnancy and good for you for getting medical help to deal with your drug addiction. I expect some of your symptoms could be hormonal too. Do you think it might be a good idea to talk to your husband and to be honest and open about your situation? I 'm so glad you found us and I hope that you continue to use this board as a support for you.
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