LBrain

I happen to watch 'Witness' this past week. The one with Harrison Ford as a Philly cop interacting with the Amish...

A line in that movie really jumped out at me. When the gal was leaving the farm for the first time heading to the big city, the father gave her words of 'advice'.
"You be careful out dere among dem Inglish"

And I thought, yeah, that's exactly how it was when I quit drinking.
"Be careful out dere among dem drinkers."

We are told, 'People, places, things...'
I know I avoided many gatherings in the beginning to shield myself from being among people who were drinking. Especially because many of them didn't think I had a problem. Many people told me I was "not that bad". They didn't know and didn't understand. So when we venture out into the realm of the drinking crowd, they either downplay or dismiss you and will think nothing of pushing a drink in your face. I read about it all the time on the forum.
I took it seriously. I didn't put myself in a position to have to ward off 'friendly' people offering me a drink, or insisting I have just one...

What do you do to make sure you are not put in that situation?
How do/did you get through the early days of sobriety while your head was spinning trying to avoid a drink?

I read a post that reminded me of this. Yes, in the beginning we have to sacrifice a bit of our lives in order to get 'better' - build "sober muscles". But if we keep putting ourselves in situations that cause us to fail, we are wasting time.
Sacrifice now, for a better future.
You can pay me now or pay me later...

Share your tips on how you avoided people, places, things.

Nonsensical

I didn't really have to avoid social functions where drinking was happening. It wasn't my M.O. to get hammered at parties or bars.

What I needed to avoid was traveling alone. A night by myself in a hotel room was the perfect set up to drink drink drink! I didn't have to hide it or try to look like I was still in control. I could even start at the airport and carry on all day the first day.

I backed out of several work trips as I was getting sober. Came up with excuses to the boss as to why I couldn't go or why someone else was a better person to attend the XYZ conference.

Still a little strange to travel alone, but I am getting used to it.

Good Topic.

Delilah1

Unfortunately for me, my playground was my house! I would drink wine after work was done and the kids were picked up from activities with homework finished. I had to get rid of wine (although my husband still has beer and other alcohol on the house). I also made sure to have substitute drinks in the house, I have had a lot of green tea and ice water with lemon.

33 Days and trucking along!!!

strategery

I didn't visit family during the holidays since I had gotten sober just prior to Thanksgiving in 2014. I ended up visiting them after the holidays were over. I visited them this year, but had much stronger sober muscles.

I don't put myself in places such as microbrew places or bars, since that is just inviting trouble.

One of the best ways to avoid people, places and things is to start building a new life with new interests and new friends. It took me awhile to figure out new things I enjoyed, but it's helped support my sobriety.

Bird615

I've done pretty much the same thing--avoided temptation until I was strong enough and/or at least make sure I bring another sober person with me for moral support. My sobriety comes before anything else.

Now I can be around social drinking as long as my state of mind is good and I have a good reason to be there, but I don't enjoy the company of drunk people at all, so I avoid those or any situation where drinking is the main activity.

SoberinSyracuse

I'm at greatest risk when I'm home alone, or in the company of just one buddy in one of our homes. That's how I drank.

But you're dead right that the world is full of opportunities and encouragement to drink. My absolute biggest trigger to drink is boredom. So, I'm avoiding situations which serve up both boredom and alcohol: A noisy bar where I can't hear my own thoughts, much less my companion's convo. A party where everybody is drunk and boring.

Before I go into an environment where alcohol is prominent (like a restaurant with a bar), I think it through to anticipate the risks. Worst case scenarios about what kind of feelings might pop up. I go in with an escape plan so under no circumstances do I remain around alcohol if I start to think about "just one," etc. So far, that hasn't happened. But this is my M.O. to make sure that if it does, I won't end up in a relapse.

sva777

I am another one who has the problem with drinking while on business or being home alone. The first year I skipped all trips or situations where I would be alone as I was not yet ready. Frankly I am still not sure if I am yet.

Jsbodhi

Count me in as an at home alone drinker.

But when I go out now, I just explain to friendly alcohol pushers that alcohol just doesn't work for me anymore.
I get insomnia, it messes with my metabolism, and the hangovers are all day long depths of hell.
Then I tell them I'll just get too drunk, and everyone will end up in tears by the end of the night ( which is very likely)

If they drink its ok- I don't really have much interest in drinking anymore.
It crosses my mind, but it doesn't have a place in my life anymore.

tursiops999

I was a home alone drinker, in the evening. So I went to AA almost every evening for the first few months. That was hugely helpful in breaking my habit. I don't attend frequently like that any more, but at the beginning it was key.

I wasn't a big party goer, but there was a once per month gathering with a small group of women -- potluck dinner with wine, and board games. I had to skip it for the first few months. I eventually was able to go back to it, but I told them all I wasn't drinking any more.

One last tricky place for me was my sailboat ... I used to hole up there and enjoy a bottle of wine for the evening. I avoided the boat for months. Then I took a sober friend out there with me, and hung out during the day a few times. Now it has lost its power as a trigger.

I agree so much LB, it's sacrifice now for a better future. These things felt kinda drastic at first, but they got me through the early months. Now I really feel I can go anywhere, but I had to be willing to disrupt all my habits for long enough to build sober muscles.

Thanks for the thread.

zombob

Being around drunks does not tempt me but the behaviors drive me away. I drank mostly because I was awake. I agree that new healthy social ventures need to be tried if for no other reason than to avoid isolation. Alone with booze felt social to me on way too many days. No more.

dogslover2016

Count me in the "drinking while traveling on business" crew.

I am traveling next week for the first time since I've been sober and I am frankly scared of myself. I have gone as far as to book flights that don't have first class upgrade options (traveling somewhat locally) and a different hotel with no bar or room service.

However, I will travel longer distance later in the month. I will need to make sure I have a plan.

Soberwolf

For me in early sobriety I went group therapy 4 days a week, I was going AA meetings if not every day every other, I kept in close contact with my sponser, I volunteered at my local hospital and also done service at AA but I was always there early anyway so I'd always help with chairs & set up plus it was great to talk to others who knew exactly what I was going through

I made a point of seeing my family whether I was going meetings with my sister (at the time it was only me & her in sobriety) or going to visit my brother & youngest neice she always fills my heart with true joy she still does & I love being there for her as uncle

I want to make a point of saying I had to learn to reach out it wasn't easy to tell someone I felt like drinking but now I laugh at how absurb my thinking was when I first got sober. Alcoholics are the only people that can truly understand my alcoholism & it is a godsend that good people always have a hand ready for anyone reaching out

In short I done everything & anything to get & stay sober

Good thread L

Behan

Thank you LB.

sobersolstice

Bars are not one of my triggers, as I put up a wall, but evenings alone and my good friend's birthday party 3 days into stopping was really difficult.

Breakups and close people passing away have been the most difficult times for me not to relapse.

least

I was a home alone drinker so had to get used to being home alone and not drinking. It took a lot of discipline at first, but after a while it became the norm to not drink.

MIRecovery

What I have found is I don't know when it will be a problem and when it won't. You can put me in identical situations and one time it will bother me and one time it won't.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful. I never ever underestimate my foe

Because of this seemingly random occurrence I am always hyper vigilant and always have an escape plan setup and any one close to me knows I will be there until I'm not.

Alcohol has a lifetime to wait for my one moment of weakness

PurpleKnight

I dug myself into the Sober trenches for the first few months, and it was a short term sacrifice for a long term gain, the building of a new Sober life needed to start small and build from there, there would be plenty of time to do meet people and get involved in activities for the rest of my life!!

Social occasions now don't bother me so much, but that's with Sober time behind me and that was the key, those first few months of just digging in made all the difference in the long run!!

Ruby2

Thanks Brain. Good topic.

I drank alone at home. Drinking in public made me nervous because I didn't want to fall to pieces in front of an audience. I keep busy at home. I also periodically attend AA meetings to get out of the house, I started doing yoga and I come here.

When I'm out, I don't go to bars or restaurants that have the bar as front and center. Family events are pretty safe because no one in my family is a big drinker.

I also plan in advance and ask myself how I'm going to handle something stressful. What will I do instead of drinking? Bad life events happen. We have no control over them. We can, however, control whether we take that first drink.

LBrain

thanks to all who responded...

I know there are others who might have a tidbit of experience to share...

Weasel1966

Thanks LB!

When first getting sober I lingered around the same places and never could hold myself together.

Now I spend a lot of time alone. I removed myself from the place that was impossible for me to survive.

Relocating does NOT solve addiction. But breaking patterns and exposure to people places and things does help. At some point we need to own our actions. We can choose otherwise. Giving ourselves every chance to get better must be taken. For me it was at all costs.

K