Suboxone and Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 3
Suboxone and Relapse
Hello
New here. My SO has been on Suboxone for about two years and 3 months ago, money started disappearing again. He of course denied he was back to the percocet, and said he was lending money to his friends. After a while he finally admitted that he relapsed. I had been giving him money to keep his business running, which I know is enabling, so I finally told him that I would not help him anymore, to which he said he was done and going back on the subs. The problem is I don't trust him anymore, he could relapse anytime and I feel like that is always hanging over my head. Waiting for the relapse you know. I am having trouble detaching from him and still loving him. I really just want to leave and let him deal with all of this himself, but then I feel guilty because he is a good person, except that he spends all the money on drugs. How long should someone stay on suboxone without working a program or getting counseling. Should I tell him to get off of everything or else I will leave. Or just wait till he relapses again and then don't help with money and maybe he will get the help himself. It could be days, months, or years before another relapse...
New here. My SO has been on Suboxone for about two years and 3 months ago, money started disappearing again. He of course denied he was back to the percocet, and said he was lending money to his friends. After a while he finally admitted that he relapsed. I had been giving him money to keep his business running, which I know is enabling, so I finally told him that I would not help him anymore, to which he said he was done and going back on the subs. The problem is I don't trust him anymore, he could relapse anytime and I feel like that is always hanging over my head. Waiting for the relapse you know. I am having trouble detaching from him and still loving him. I really just want to leave and let him deal with all of this himself, but then I feel guilty because he is a good person, except that he spends all the money on drugs. How long should someone stay on suboxone without working a program or getting counseling. Should I tell him to get off of everything or else I will leave. Or just wait till he relapses again and then don't help with money and maybe he will get the help himself. It could be days, months, or years before another relapse...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I really just want to leave and let him deal with all of this himself, but then
welcome to SR! others will be along soon to say hello and reply to your post. I just wanted to highlight the above and suggest you LISTEN to your inner voice, the one you hear BEFORE the "yeah buts" start. be true to yourself first foremost and always.
welcome to SR! others will be along soon to say hello and reply to your post. I just wanted to highlight the above and suggest you LISTEN to your inner voice, the one you hear BEFORE the "yeah buts" start. be true to yourself first foremost and always.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 214
How is your relationship apart from the fears you have over relapse? I feel as though to cope with a loved one having an addiction, it helps to view it as a chronic issue. People are affected with addiction in different ways and they choose to handle it by different methods. He is using medication just as a diabetic would use medication My experience and what my old therapist said was that people may be on medication for years. Ita an acceptable solution if he is able to live a normal life while on it. Its also his choice to use therapy or join a program of some kind. His doctor might be best option to help him determine what works best FOR HIM.
You said it could be months or years before he would relapse again. Think about your life is all I can suggest and determine if this works for you. Possibly consider therapy to help you work through your feelings.
You said it could be months or years before he would relapse again. Think about your life is all I can suggest and determine if this works for you. Possibly consider therapy to help you work through your feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
My AH, too, was addicted to Percocet before starting suboxone treatment. Fast forward a few months, and he was selling the suboxone to get money for opiates... And ended up using heroin. Just know that this is a possibility. If they want they want to use, they will use. I've heard nearly every lie in the book about where money is disappearing to, so I feel your pain there.
It's extremely painful to love someone who deceives you. You must remember it is not personal. It is about the addiction, not you. This is where detachment comes into play.
I am learning and personally believe that suboxone treatment entails much more than simply being on suboxone because, as seen in my case, that can just as easily be abused. Suboxone treatment should also be accompanied by intensive therapy - group and/or individual. My AH did not do this part of it. Addictions stem from something. If that something isn't addressed then the addiction will likely continue - and, more often than not, continue into a downward spiral.
Have you talked with him about seeking professional counseling/group meetings?
It's extremely painful to love someone who deceives you. You must remember it is not personal. It is about the addiction, not you. This is where detachment comes into play.
I am learning and personally believe that suboxone treatment entails much more than simply being on suboxone because, as seen in my case, that can just as easily be abused. Suboxone treatment should also be accompanied by intensive therapy - group and/or individual. My AH did not do this part of it. Addictions stem from something. If that something isn't addressed then the addiction will likely continue - and, more often than not, continue into a downward spiral.
Have you talked with him about seeking professional counseling/group meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you for the input. Our relationship has deteriorated ever since I told him that I would not help with money anymore. We just go through the motions of life. I was so disappointed that he started back with the percocet, and spent all of our vacation money on it that I don't really have much to say to him anymore. He has apologized, but that doesn't change the reality that his actions have affected my life. I don't want to sound like I'm whining, but I was really looking forward to 8 days and 7 nights in a nice warm tropical location. He promised he would not relapse again, but I can't take his word for that. I asked him if he would go to therapy or NA /AA meetings and he said "these things take time, I'll handle it" and then would not talk about it anymore. A few weeks later he mentioned that he had made and appt with a therapist for Tuesday. When Tuesday came he said the appt was cancelled because the doctor was in an accident, and that it had been rescheduled for Saturday, when Saturday came he said it was cancelled because the doctor was sick, and it is rescheduled for the following Saturday. I guess I'll see if he goes Saturday. I feel like he is still lying and not ready for help, which means I and my life are still in limbo. I can't plan anything as long as I am waiting to see if he gets help or gets worse. I certainly do not want heroin in my house, for many reasons. I have made myself an appointment with a therapist, maybe that will help, but I am also resentful of the fact that now I need help and have to pay for it because he can't get his act together.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 214
I can understand and think your feelings are all valid. It also hurts when we lool forward to something like a vacation, its not a silly thing. There would be real disapppintment.
On the brigut side maybe a few sessions will helpyou gain clarity and feel confident in any decisions you make. The feeling of knowing your doing the right thing is priceless. Confusion, limbo those weigh me down.
On the brigut side maybe a few sessions will helpyou gain clarity and feel confident in any decisions you make. The feeling of knowing your doing the right thing is priceless. Confusion, limbo those weigh me down.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
So sorry you're experiencing this. I hate that the vacation is off now. Addiction takes a lot from us... Emotionally and physical aspects. My AH has admitted to pushing things off, making excuses, etc to avoid facing the issue at hand. This is simply the nature of addiction, so just be aware that this might be what your bf is doing in regards to the appt. I could be wrong, just be aware. Good for you for making an appt for yourself. I was hesitant to seek help for myself, but don't regret doing it! It will help you even if it is simply by giving you a space to openly discuss your feelings and having a neutral party there to help you sort through them.
I hope things start to look up for you too! Unfortunately, as you know, we can't control the addiction or cure it. Only our loved ones can. Don't drive yourself crazy over that because it is easy to do. Take care of yourself!
I hope things start to look up for you too! Unfortunately, as you know, we can't control the addiction or cure it. Only our loved ones can. Don't drive yourself crazy over that because it is easy to do. Take care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he mentioned that he had made and appt with a therapist for Tuesday. When Tuesday came he said the appt was cancelled because the doctor was in an accident, and that it had been rescheduled for Saturday, when Saturday came he said it was cancelled because the doctor was sick, and it is rescheduled for the following Saturday. I guess I'll see if he goes Saturday.
what a run of bad luck for that therapist huh? here's the thing, and i'll be a solid nickle on it.....THERE IS NO THERAPIST. he's already SHOWING you that he is not taking this seriously and will keep feeding you lines of BS, just enough to keep you off his back......WAITING.
you don't HAVE to wait for him. this is YOUR life. what he has done is inexcusable. he has lied to you. robbed you blind. used your good will. and will continue to do so as long as you ALLOW it.
what a run of bad luck for that therapist huh? here's the thing, and i'll be a solid nickle on it.....THERE IS NO THERAPIST. he's already SHOWING you that he is not taking this seriously and will keep feeding you lines of BS, just enough to keep you off his back......WAITING.
you don't HAVE to wait for him. this is YOUR life. what he has done is inexcusable. he has lied to you. robbed you blind. used your good will. and will continue to do so as long as you ALLOW it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,977
Welcome Artgalv. I'm glad you found us. Also I am so sorry for what brought you here. It is super painful to love an addict as you well know by now. Have you thought about attending an alanon meeting?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Hey Art - how are you today? I hate to say it, but I may have sugar coated a bit too much. I think Anvil hit the nail on the head. It's hard to believe that our SO's are lieing staright to our faces and we want so badly to believe them. I've done this a million times over with my AH and even found myself trying to give your SO the benefit of the doubt. But as the old saying goes - actions speak louder than words. If he wants change, he will cause change. If not, he will produce excuses. This sounds like what is happening. I speak from experience. He will keep stealing your belongings and your peace as long as you allow it. His addiction is running things for him right now.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
artgalv...
Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful that our members have given you such a warm welcome. And now that they have, I'd like to share my thoughts.
This reminds me of the infamous line, Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
So he was on Suboxone for two years, started stealing from you, lied about it, and then admitted (likely because he had no choice) that he was back on Percocet. How do you square this with your belief he's a "good person"? Truth be told, you probably have no idea what he's really like because he's been in an altered state for so long.
Be that as it may, remember this: you don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you. Think about what that may be. Keep Anvil's words in your head. And then do what you need to do.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful that our members have given you such a warm welcome. And now that they have, I'd like to share my thoughts.
I really just want to leave and let him deal with all of this himself, but then I feel guilty because he is a good person, except that he spends all the money on drugs.
So he was on Suboxone for two years, started stealing from you, lied about it, and then admitted (likely because he had no choice) that he was back on Percocet. How do you square this with your belief he's a "good person"? Truth be told, you probably have no idea what he's really like because he's been in an altered state for so long.
Be that as it may, remember this: you don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you. Think about what that may be. Keep Anvil's words in your head. And then do what you need to do.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 3
Hi Everyone, I really appreciate all the comments and support. I went to a few NA meetings and they really have helped me understand the nature of addiction and loving someone who is an addict. I also went to see a therapist today which was nice to have someone on the outside to talk to one on one. I made another appt for next week. I think I have decided that in order for me to stay with him, he will need to start working a program along with the suboxone, and stop making excuses why he can't. I just have to figure out how to bring it up, so that he doesn't shut down and tune me out. I really want him in rehab to get off of everything, but I know it won't do any good unless he wants it. My plan is to explain that I can't live with this hanging over our heads and that he has to get help in order for us to be together, and in the meantime, I am going to work towards leaving, (lawyers lined up etc), and see what happens. I don't want to get mad and give an ultimatum just yet. Can anyone tell me how they got their addict to get into a program or rehab? Thank you all so much.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Can anyone tell me how they got their addict to get into a program or rehab?
Duct tape and a flat bed truck?? said tongue in cheek, but not MANY on this forum will claim that they GOT their addict IN to recovery or rehab. yes in some situations, when the addict is already motivated to change, encouragement and assistance to open the doors (insurance, rehab selection, etc) CAN help. and sometimes the THREAT of the loss of the marriage/relationship/family CAN light a fire.
however, if the addict is UNWILLING, refuses to see that the problem is THAT bad, insists they can do this on their own and just get off their back then any hope for a truly successful recovery is nil. and we can't MAKE someone WANT something they do NOT want. anymore than you can MAKE someone WANT tofu, or cooked spinach, or to run a 10k.
also keep in mind, suboxene is not a CURE - one does not stay on it for life. it's a transition step......and many addicts report that it is harder to get off the subs than the original drug. at SOME point the addict has to fully embrace never using drugs of any kind again, ever. and with rare exception that includes any amounts of alcohol. many will simply switch addictions.
Duct tape and a flat bed truck?? said tongue in cheek, but not MANY on this forum will claim that they GOT their addict IN to recovery or rehab. yes in some situations, when the addict is already motivated to change, encouragement and assistance to open the doors (insurance, rehab selection, etc) CAN help. and sometimes the THREAT of the loss of the marriage/relationship/family CAN light a fire.
however, if the addict is UNWILLING, refuses to see that the problem is THAT bad, insists they can do this on their own and just get off their back then any hope for a truly successful recovery is nil. and we can't MAKE someone WANT something they do NOT want. anymore than you can MAKE someone WANT tofu, or cooked spinach, or to run a 10k.
also keep in mind, suboxene is not a CURE - one does not stay on it for life. it's a transition step......and many addicts report that it is harder to get off the subs than the original drug. at SOME point the addict has to fully embrace never using drugs of any kind again, ever. and with rare exception that includes any amounts of alcohol. many will simply switch addictions.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
