Bad Day: addict boyfriend left me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 105
Bad Day: addict boyfriend left me
Hi guys!
So I posted a few days ago about how my long term boyfriend of 6 years left me after he got out of rehab for heroine. I still don't understand how he was able to wake up one day and decide he didn't love me anymore and thats hard enough in itself and I still can not accept it so I deleted him off Facebook and social media and deleted his number.
Problem: once you're with someone for that long you know their number by heart so it's not stopping me from texting him on spur moments.
Problem #2: when I text him he doesn't acknowledge me or answer leaving me even worse than I was five minutes before.
My question to you all: does anybody have any optimistic hope that if I honestly ignore him he will miss me? Or is the fact he left a sign that he honestly is just moving on with his life and I should stop.
I care about this kid more than anything. He bought me a ring last year, we talked about marriage, we had been together since high school so we grew through crucial phases in life together. I just dont understand and I didn't know if anybody else has had a similar situation where their loved one came back.
PS. He is 70 days clean, 40 days out of rehab
So I posted a few days ago about how my long term boyfriend of 6 years left me after he got out of rehab for heroine. I still don't understand how he was able to wake up one day and decide he didn't love me anymore and thats hard enough in itself and I still can not accept it so I deleted him off Facebook and social media and deleted his number.
Problem: once you're with someone for that long you know their number by heart so it's not stopping me from texting him on spur moments.
Problem #2: when I text him he doesn't acknowledge me or answer leaving me even worse than I was five minutes before.
My question to you all: does anybody have any optimistic hope that if I honestly ignore him he will miss me? Or is the fact he left a sign that he honestly is just moving on with his life and I should stop.
I care about this kid more than anything. He bought me a ring last year, we talked about marriage, we had been together since high school so we grew through crucial phases in life together. I just dont understand and I didn't know if anybody else has had a similar situation where their loved one came back.
PS. He is 70 days clean, 40 days out of rehab
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Linzey,
God often punishes us by answering our prayers. So be careful for what you wish for. You just might get it.
God often punishes us by answering our prayers. So be careful for what you wish for. You just might get it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
My optimistic hope for you is that you will move forward into a future based upon the healthiest loving relationship one can have: with yourself.
You deserve better than someone you need to manipulate into missing you. You deserve someone who can't wait to talk to you, to spend time with you, who misses you when you've left them room for a moment. I know how hard it is to accept that someone you thought you would have that with just isn't that person, it doesn't mean you will never have it, but as long as you chase it with the wrong person, there won't be any room to let the right one in.
That person is worth waiting for.
You deserve better than someone you need to manipulate into missing you. You deserve someone who can't wait to talk to you, to spend time with you, who misses you when you've left them room for a moment. I know how hard it is to accept that someone you thought you would have that with just isn't that person, it doesn't mean you will never have it, but as long as you chase it with the wrong person, there won't be any room to let the right one in.
That person is worth waiting for.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
when we start "playing games" to GET the other to act in the way WE want, we aren't trying to engage them in a healthy relationship, we simply want them to change how WE feel. we can't MAKE someone miss us, we can't MAKE someone love us.
we had been together since high school so we grew through crucial phases in life together you have been thru SOME phases of life.....you are barely in your TWENTIES now.....and the fact that you two HAVE been thru things together is no guarantee of "forever after".
people change. and while his tactics may not be done with much penache, he has still made his decision clear.
quit texting as you said, it just hurts YOU more.
we had been together since high school so we grew through crucial phases in life together you have been thru SOME phases of life.....you are barely in your TWENTIES now.....and the fact that you two HAVE been thru things together is no guarantee of "forever after".
people change. and while his tactics may not be done with much penache, he has still made his decision clear.
quit texting as you said, it just hurts YOU more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 12
I read this forum much more than I post. I am sorry that your hurting and are feeling such a loss. Breaking up regardless of the circumstances after so long is usually a difficult process and requires time to heal and move on.
Personally I am currently married to my high school sweetheart. We split after college and got back together about 10 years ago. He got injured. Started down the path to addiction through pills and gradually has become an iv heroin user. He is 18 months into his addiction. Before he started using street drugs I became pregnant. Our son was planned. He is my sunshine but if I knew than what I know now I would not have had him nor would I have reconnected with my ex.
I know this isn't what you want to hear because you love him but your young. The odds he stays sober for a lifetime are extremely slim. Do you want to risk spending a good portion of your life in turmoil? Bring kids into the picture? Deal with the issues that arise when your children's father is a recovering addict?
Currently my husband is in treatment again. However I wonder for my son if he will be sober in 5 years, dead or deeper into his addiction.
You need to think long and hard if this is the life you want for yourself. Right now while the love is strong it's easy but dealing with an addicts behavior for years is exhausting. You have to be extremely secure in who you are and have the ability to take care of your needs alone.
Personally my advice to you is run like you are on fire away from this relationship. Consider this the best gift he could give you.
If he changed his mind I strongly suggest you seeking help to deal with the realities of having a relationship with a recovering addict.
Personally I am currently married to my high school sweetheart. We split after college and got back together about 10 years ago. He got injured. Started down the path to addiction through pills and gradually has become an iv heroin user. He is 18 months into his addiction. Before he started using street drugs I became pregnant. Our son was planned. He is my sunshine but if I knew than what I know now I would not have had him nor would I have reconnected with my ex.
I know this isn't what you want to hear because you love him but your young. The odds he stays sober for a lifetime are extremely slim. Do you want to risk spending a good portion of your life in turmoil? Bring kids into the picture? Deal with the issues that arise when your children's father is a recovering addict?
Currently my husband is in treatment again. However I wonder for my son if he will be sober in 5 years, dead or deeper into his addiction.
You need to think long and hard if this is the life you want for yourself. Right now while the love is strong it's easy but dealing with an addicts behavior for years is exhausting. You have to be extremely secure in who you are and have the ability to take care of your needs alone.
Personally my advice to you is run like you are on fire away from this relationship. Consider this the best gift he could give you.
If he changed his mind I strongly suggest you seeking help to deal with the realities of having a relationship with a recovering addict.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
