Final phase of my daughters passing
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Final phase of my daughters passing
Just a brief recap for those of you who are new. Two years ago my 28 year old daughter was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Six months later she died on my 5 year sobriety birthday. I will forever believe that she stayed alive long enough to see this milestone and then gave herself permission to pass within one hour of me receiving my 5 year coin.
To say that I went through some tough times is putting it mildly. Her death took me to places darker than I knew existed. Places darker than even the worst of the places alcoholism had taken me.
Through it all I made a commitment to her and myself that I would not drink and never did. Once alcohol was not an option I had to come up with coping mechanisms that did not include alcohol. With the help of God, AA, SR, Friends, Professional Treatment, Family and unfortunately black debilitating depression I made it out the other side. If anyone is interested in how I did it, search for the word "daughter" in my postings for the long pain journey.
This brings us to today. The darkness is gone and happiness has returned to my life. There will be forever a whole in my soul that will never be filled. At random times the grief still flows over me and the pain is unbearable but it passes. Her loss no longer defines me but there is no doubt I have permanently been changed and will never be the person I was. The jury is out on whether this change is a good thing or bad but I will never look at the world the same way.
I just wanted to post to let those who care know that MIRecovery has returned to the land of the living and how grateful I am for all of you on SR who have helped me through some very difficult times.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/138818...posted-public/
To say that I went through some tough times is putting it mildly. Her death took me to places darker than I knew existed. Places darker than even the worst of the places alcoholism had taken me.
Through it all I made a commitment to her and myself that I would not drink and never did. Once alcohol was not an option I had to come up with coping mechanisms that did not include alcohol. With the help of God, AA, SR, Friends, Professional Treatment, Family and unfortunately black debilitating depression I made it out the other side. If anyone is interested in how I did it, search for the word "daughter" in my postings for the long pain journey.
This brings us to today. The darkness is gone and happiness has returned to my life. There will be forever a whole in my soul that will never be filled. At random times the grief still flows over me and the pain is unbearable but it passes. Her loss no longer defines me but there is no doubt I have permanently been changed and will never be the person I was. The jury is out on whether this change is a good thing or bad but I will never look at the world the same way.
I just wanted to post to let those who care know that MIRecovery has returned to the land of the living and how grateful I am for all of you on SR who have helped me through some very difficult times.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/138818...posted-public/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
your honesty and your raw truth in sharing is something I'm grateful for.
your tragic experience is an incredible example and inspiration.... If you can go through all of that and stay sober, I can certainly endure a lousy day or two without drinking.
thank you and I'm so glad to hear that you've found a place in life where the darkness of depression and despair have parted and allowed you to live. Your daughter's loss will forever be with you, but I am so glad it doesn't have to define you. I'm absolutely certain she would want you to live on....
your tragic experience is an incredible example and inspiration.... If you can go through all of that and stay sober, I can certainly endure a lousy day or two without drinking.
thank you and I'm so glad to hear that you've found a place in life where the darkness of depression and despair have parted and allowed you to live. Your daughter's loss will forever be with you, but I am so glad it doesn't have to define you. I'm absolutely certain she would want you to live on....
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
What a lovely picture. You deserve the peace and happiness you now enjoy. And what a beautiful way to honor your daughter's life, by living sober and happy. That's what she wanted for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
MI . Acceptance can be very very difficult , sadly its the only answer at times , your daughter lit up your life . Follow the light and find peace . Love in fellowship .
Regards Stevie sober 12 03 2006 ..
words are easy music is much harder
Regards Stevie sober 12 03 2006 ..
words are easy music is much harder
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
MIR, you are a survivor of every parent’s worst nightmare, losing a child. You are strong beyond your own awareness; I doubt I would have been as courageous and committed as you. Your journal is one of strength and inspiration to anyone going through an emotional struggle. Thank you for sharing your journey. May God bless you with continued growth and serenity.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
Thank you for your post.
One of the things that worries me the most about maintaining my sobriety would be the death of my wife or one of my daughters. I'm glad to know that it's possible to get through without alcohol.
One of the things that worries me the most about maintaining my sobriety would be the death of my wife or one of my daughters. I'm glad to know that it's possible to get through without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
MIR, thank you for sharing this chapter in your journey.
You are a loyal friend to our community. The courage you've shown in both your life and your words here are a beacon of hope for all of us. I'm often struck by the intimacy of your posts. The degree to which you're willing to open up about your struggles and losses suggest sharing both helps you and also serves a larger purpose in leading by example. That takes integrity.
Life doesn't spare us, either in addiction or recovery. How we deal with that reality builds the foundation from which we move forward.
I hope that our newer fellow journeyers take from your posts the fullness they offer anyone seeking a better life in recovery. I'm no longer a new on this path, but your words continue to be instructive to me.
The photo is beautiful. Just beautiful. Our world was graced by your daughter's lovely presence.
It still is.
You are a loyal friend to our community. The courage you've shown in both your life and your words here are a beacon of hope for all of us. I'm often struck by the intimacy of your posts. The degree to which you're willing to open up about your struggles and losses suggest sharing both helps you and also serves a larger purpose in leading by example. That takes integrity.
Life doesn't spare us, either in addiction or recovery. How we deal with that reality builds the foundation from which we move forward.
I hope that our newer fellow journeyers take from your posts the fullness they offer anyone seeking a better life in recovery. I'm no longer a new on this path, but your words continue to be instructive to me.
The photo is beautiful. Just beautiful. Our world was graced by your daughter's lovely presence.
It still is.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
((((MIR))))
Thank you for your post filled with courage and love, and for the beautiful picture. You are a cornerstone to our community, and this fellow Michigander appreciates it very much.
Thank you for your post filled with courage and love, and for the beautiful picture. You are a cornerstone to our community, and this fellow Michigander appreciates it very much.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Such a wonderful and touching post, MIR. I'm so glad to know that you feel happiness once again. Seeing the picture of your adorable daughter touched me so much. She certainly resembles you (but prettier, of course 
) I love it that you wanted to share her with us. God bless you.
) I love it that you wanted to share her with us. God bless you.
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