30 Days (again)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 395
30 Days (again)
Well here I am again, after yet another relapse. This time I am trying not to beat myself too much. Relapse is part of the process, as they keep reminding me. I will never give up on beating this addiction! This time is a little different, but there is still a lot of the same. I am hitting more meetings, trying to come out of my shell and welcome these people who seem to care about me so much into life and actually doing daily inventory and meditation. I guess the biggest thing though is I am finally able to forgive myself. I am not dwelling so much on the past and trying to be a living amends to those I have hurt. Nothing I say that will make them trust me again, I can only use each day that I stay sober proof that I am sorry and I do want to change.
I was supposed to go jail yesterday for 6 days for a DUI and the Judge ended waiving the mandatory jail because he saw that I was sincere about making the changes in my life, soon my family and friends will realize the same. This was such a blessing and I am taking it granted. I am using this time to become proud of myself again, to love myself again and to understand that I am important. To be completely honest, I deserve not only that jail time but in all actuality many more consequences.
I am now ready to face a future to be excited for. As long as I stay sober I can achieve almost anything. My obsession to drink has been probably the worst today, but I asked my doctor to put me on Antabuse at least for the next few months. I was really worried about it at first, drinking and getting extremely sick. But I now have realized that it saved me today as I found 6 Vodka shooters and a half gallon of grapefruit juice, that I know I would have polished off if I didn't have the medication in my system. I take it everyday and I know that drinking is not an option.
Thanks for listening and have a blessed day!
I was supposed to go jail yesterday for 6 days for a DUI and the Judge ended waiving the mandatory jail because he saw that I was sincere about making the changes in my life, soon my family and friends will realize the same. This was such a blessing and I am taking it granted. I am using this time to become proud of myself again, to love myself again and to understand that I am important. To be completely honest, I deserve not only that jail time but in all actuality many more consequences.
I am now ready to face a future to be excited for. As long as I stay sober I can achieve almost anything. My obsession to drink has been probably the worst today, but I asked my doctor to put me on Antabuse at least for the next few months. I was really worried about it at first, drinking and getting extremely sick. But I now have realized that it saved me today as I found 6 Vodka shooters and a half gallon of grapefruit juice, that I know I would have polished off if I didn't have the medication in my system. I take it everyday and I know that drinking is not an option.
Thanks for listening and have a blessed day!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Congrats on 30 days and for a good outcome to your court proceedings.
Not sure who 'they' are - but I wonder if being encouraged to think this way is doing you any favours?
Relapse is part of our addiction - it's really not a part of our recovery.
I hope the medication will giver you the head start you need to really work hard over the next few months, really embrace a new way of life and a new way of thinking about yourself and your problems, and beat addiction once and for all.
best wishes
D
Relapse is part of the process, as they keep reminding me.
Relapse is part of our addiction - it's really not a part of our recovery.
I hope the medication will giver you the head start you need to really work hard over the next few months, really embrace a new way of life and a new way of thinking about yourself and your problems, and beat addiction once and for all.
best wishes
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
That's great to hear Charilee, congrats on 30 days. Glad to hear you are actively seeking help this time as well. I'd agree with what Dee said though, relapse ( AKA drinking ) is not part of recovery. Yes, it does happen....but it doesn't have to. And hopefully it won't ever happen to you again either, keep at your plan and things will get much easier over time.
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