First ever aa meeting
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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First ever aa meeting
Went to my first ever AA meeting tonight. I went along there feeling a little nervous but generally comfortable in the knowledge that I would not be required to speak and could just have a nice listen.
When I arrived someone was writing down names and asked me for mine, I thought it was a bit odd as I didn't think signing in was a requirement! But I told them my name anyway and didn't think much of it. To my horror, when the meeting started they announced that they would be nominating people to speak for about 10 minutes each... at the front of the room... on a special chair.
I spent the rest of the meeting thinking "Please don't ask me to speak, please don't ask me to speak".
A few of the people they called out were clearly really reluctant and very nervous but went ahead and shared their stories anyway when asked. We got to 5 minutes before the end and I thought I'd made it through but low and behold my name got called. Absolute nightmare. I had to mumble something about it being my first meeting and that I felt a bit nervous so would rather not. The chairperson looked at me as if she didn't understand until some nice person chipped in and said "oh it's your first meeting, well done and everyone clapped and said well done etc and thankfully they moved on."
Luckily I have been feeling really well in my sobriety and I had my brother (also sober and has been to a few AA meetings before) with me for support so I was fine with it and found it quite funny afterwards but I thought that perhaps someone in a more fragile state might have found this approach very upsetting and off putting! I thought the whole idea was that there was no pressure to speak? And if that is the case and the list of names was only for those who wanted to why didn't they say that when asking for my name?
Other than that it was good and I'm going to another one tomorrow. The people talking were all really interesting and I could relate completely with their stories and some were really funny too which was nice so it wasn't a misery storm by any means!
When I arrived someone was writing down names and asked me for mine, I thought it was a bit odd as I didn't think signing in was a requirement! But I told them my name anyway and didn't think much of it. To my horror, when the meeting started they announced that they would be nominating people to speak for about 10 minutes each... at the front of the room... on a special chair.
I spent the rest of the meeting thinking "Please don't ask me to speak, please don't ask me to speak".
A few of the people they called out were clearly really reluctant and very nervous but went ahead and shared their stories anyway when asked. We got to 5 minutes before the end and I thought I'd made it through but low and behold my name got called. Absolute nightmare. I had to mumble something about it being my first meeting and that I felt a bit nervous so would rather not. The chairperson looked at me as if she didn't understand until some nice person chipped in and said "oh it's your first meeting, well done and everyone clapped and said well done etc and thankfully they moved on."
Luckily I have been feeling really well in my sobriety and I had my brother (also sober and has been to a few AA meetings before) with me for support so I was fine with it and found it quite funny afterwards but I thought that perhaps someone in a more fragile state might have found this approach very upsetting and off putting! I thought the whole idea was that there was no pressure to speak? And if that is the case and the list of names was only for those who wanted to why didn't they say that when asking for my name?
Other than that it was good and I'm going to another one tomorrow. The people talking were all really interesting and I could relate completely with their stories and some were really funny too which was nice so it wasn't a misery storm by any means!
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Originally Posted by least 
I've never seen 'enforced' speaking at meetings when I used to go. Any time it came to my turn, I just said I'll pass. No one made a big deal of it.
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Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I have never heard of anything even remotely similar to what you are describing in my 1000+ meetings and 6 years in AA.
IMHO that is one weird AA meeting
IMHO that is one weird AA meeting
I think really it was just a matter of miscommunication. Clearly the person taking names didn't think to mention that they would be nominating people from the list and half the people who spoke were clearly used to the format so it's obviously just the way they do it and they thought everyone was aware of that. It didn't put me off anyway as everyone there was really nice anyway.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Like MIR I have been to many AA meetings and never witnesses such a format.
Either it is a screwed up group or (probably more likely) the person taking the names blundered.
What this person should have done is ask:
would you like to share today? and if you had said yes then put your name down and explain to you that you'd be called on for 10 minutes.
I personally don't care for those name lists. In Seattle, they pass a book at meetings where people write down their names, numbers, sobriety date, phone number (if they want to be on contact list) and name of sponsor. I find it quite intrusive. It's all good and fine for someone with some time under their belt or someone who is naturally outgoing like me but it can be scary for a newcomer who feels like a deer in the headlights
They don't do that in the meetings I ve attended back East.
Either it is a screwed up group or (probably more likely) the person taking the names blundered.
What this person should have done is ask:
would you like to share today? and if you had said yes then put your name down and explain to you that you'd be called on for 10 minutes.
I personally don't care for those name lists. In Seattle, they pass a book at meetings where people write down their names, numbers, sobriety date, phone number (if they want to be on contact list) and name of sponsor. I find it quite intrusive. It's all good and fine for someone with some time under their belt or someone who is naturally outgoing like me but it can be scary for a newcomer who feels like a deer in the headlights
They don't do that in the meetings I ve attended back East.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 77
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Like MIR I have been to many AA meetings and never witnesses such a format.
Either it is a screwed up group or (probably more likely) the person taking the names blundered.
What this person should have done is ask:
would you like to share today? and if you had said yes then put your name down and explain to you that you'd be called on for 10 minutes.
I personally don't care for those name lists. In Seattle, they pass a book at meetings where people write down their names, numbers, sobriety date, phone number (if they want to be on contact list) and name of sponsor. I find it quite intrusive. It's all good and fine for someone with some time under their belt or someone who is naturally outgoing like me but it can be scary for a newcomer who feels like a deer in the headlights
They don't do that in the meetings I ve attended back East.
Either it is a screwed up group or (probably more likely) the person taking the names blundered.
What this person should have done is ask:
would you like to share today? and if you had said yes then put your name down and explain to you that you'd be called on for 10 minutes.
I personally don't care for those name lists. In Seattle, they pass a book at meetings where people write down their names, numbers, sobriety date, phone number (if they want to be on contact list) and name of sponsor. I find it quite intrusive. It's all good and fine for someone with some time under their belt or someone who is naturally outgoing like me but it can be scary for a newcomer who feels like a deer in the headlights
They don't do that in the meetings I ve attended back East.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Strange meeting, I've never been to one like that. Bad why to treat a newcomer. It's tough enough walk through the door the first time. solow- I salute for that. 
You speak only when YOU want until then tell them "I'm here to listen". All meetings are a little different as are all groups of people. You might find it interesting to go at different times or different groups.
You speak only when YOU want until then tell them "I'm here to listen". All meetings are a little different as are all groups of people. You might find it interesting to go at different times or different groups.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I wonder if this was a hybrid speaker meeting?? Our district website, likely many directories - list the type of meeting. Examples open discussion/closed big book/ speaker/11step meeting etc, etc. Maybe this was a one off format for today, perhaps?? IDK.........
I have suggest to brand new friends that unless they have a burning desire to share to wait for a couple weeks - this can take any pressure off them/worry to share and puts the focus on listening.
Please try again - there or another group. I hope you've found from your brother and others here this is unusual.
Early on I walked into an 11 step meeting that utilized 3 way prayer. It shook me at first, but turned out good. I look at a website now to see what type of meeting I'm going to if in doubt.
Keep coming back!
I have suggest to brand new friends that unless they have a burning desire to share to wait for a couple weeks - this can take any pressure off them/worry to share and puts the focus on listening.
Please try again - there or another group. I hope you've found from your brother and others here this is unusual.
Early on I walked into an 11 step meeting that utilized 3 way prayer. It shook me at first, but turned out good. I look at a website now to see what type of meeting I'm going to if in doubt.
Keep coming back!
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