chess

I got a question and it's to do with the judging oneself too hard. Lately I've noticed that I seem to attack myself brutally whenever I'm upset. Just this morning we are having hassles here at work and people are kinda tense and crouchy and I have this attack going on in my head where I seem to be hitting myself with the hammer like in this picture
and I know that before panic followed that but now the feeling seems to be of helplessness. I'm not sure what to do and what would help.
Does this happen to anyone else? How does your judging of self occur?

I think that the underlaying emotion has to do with feeling that I have somehow failed others since they are upset and I start to beat myself about it.

best

Failed others?

There will be times we will run across others that no matter how good we do, how hard we try, how perfect things turn out... it just won't be good enough for some.

Work the steps. Look over your objectives in the things you do.
Did you do what you intended?
If not… did you try to do more then what is able in a short time or are there things you need to work on?
All any of us can do is our personal best. At the end of the day compare our personal growth against self not others. The opinions of others can wait.
Was it Barnum that said… you can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time?
Well it holds true for pleasing others. We can only do what our personal best allows.
Be honest with our selves as we look over our day and learn.
I find we tend to be tougher on self then others ever will be on us.
Give yourself a break every so often as well.

utopia

one thing ive learnt in alanon is im very judgemental of myself

trying to be perfect which is impossible, trying to not show any weakness and denying it when it arises. low low self esteem and beating myself up about mistakes i make,

looking back briefly mistakes could have an inconsistent response from my parent, a broken cup could result in indifference or a beating, poor grades would result in less affection, no real encouragement for the fact that id tried, i find that when times get stressful i would give it all up bcos there was too much pressure, when i had tried my hardest and got nothihg i return i felt not trying at all got the same result so why bother at all?
but it was an echo of still trying to please and thus get praise, affection, attention , love

it all comes down to needing love and not getting that when i was a child. the fear of not being loved, the feeling of starvation is only being fed thru a spiritual program like alanon

its hard to let go and be positive, taking over where my parents left in abusing and judging my self is my place to change...i dont cant blame others...they WERE the cause but i am holding onto the pain and past and i now have control as a n adult, to change me!!!

its hard but with alanon ive found u can have serenity in the most chaotic of situations. also look in the mirror once a day, 5 times a day and tell yourself you are human, beautiful, loved, confident, happy.

youll laugh and not belive it for a while but eventually affirmations will start to revert your constant negative voices that have festered for years!!! :35:

chess

Thanks guys for replaying. I just can't shake this feeling at the moment though. My inner critic is yelling Stupid, stupid, stupid in a vicious voice and I dont' t seem to know how to stop it. I feel like giving up on everything and just destroy.

Could this be a backlash of shorts? I don't know.

I do mirror work daily too and have been feeling just fine for a while. Not just now. I know I get this way at times and usually it's when I encourter stuff I don't know how to handle and feel like I should be able to handle it. So I was just thinking that maybe this is to do with judging oneself too harsly.

I know that not being loved hits home.

Thanks for your replies

lonlion

Hi Chess, I know with me it was from years of being told I was stupid. First by my father and then by my husband. So forty years of having stupid reinforcements is hard to change, but I have worked on it quite a bit and continue to work on it.
I have learned to change my inner dialogue. I tried to pay attention to every time I told myself I am stupid, whether it was out loud or inside. I changed it to "what a stupid thing to do" as apposed to "I am stupid". I let it go, tell myself I am not perfect, and try to do better the next time. Seems to be working good so far.
We all make stupid mistakes, even extremely educated intelligent people. Try not to beat yourself up. Lighten up, and give yourself a break.

Magichappens

Chess,
If you are picturing your critic, picture giving it a hug and telling it that it is ok. It's not your fault. Picture telling yourself that you are doing a great job, and that the others are not upset at you, they are just upset. This works even better in a mirror. I use positive affirmations to break the tapes that play in my head.

It may not work immediately, but if you try to practice it daily, or when the critic is on duty, it will start working. Hugs, Magic

dragonlady

I know what you mean...I'm harder on myself than anyone else. I guess thats because I've always hated myself-I haven't figured out yet how to love myself, so I don't know how to love anyone else. Hang in there.

chess

Thank you all for your replies. It helps to realize that you are not alone and that other people go through similar stuff too. It's so easy to forget, too easy.

I still need to work on this strange mood I get stuck in at times. It seems like when I'm in it I can't be talked out of it. I just don't believe anyone telling me that I'm ok. This time the trick that did it was me putting my new couch together. Somehow seeing that I can handle and do stuff shifted my mood. I though that I couldn't probably put the sofa together since it was quite heavy to move but after managing it I believed in myself again and was in a good mood.

I still don't know why the emotion of being stupid is so hard to shake after it gets under my skin. Lots of work to be done here.

Thank you all for your support!!! It is much appriciated!