Snowfumes

I'm 8 months in recovery from booze and pills. I can barely cope with the shame of my past life. What makes it really painful is that all the friends I made during the 15 years of active addiction - all of them are gone. Not all of them were people I just used with, this I would spmehow understand... Was I sodofferent, more bearable when I was high all the tine? I doubt it.
I tried to be all offended at this but I can't. I miss having tea with B, we could talk about our kids and tackling marriage problems. I miss M, we had a great time dancing and making fun of ourselves. Etc, etc. It really hurts, I miss them, I am really scared I am in fact crazy when I'm sober and nobody can stand me. So it's grief and feeling extremely worthless. It's just strange that this happened when I sobered up. I dont even talk about it much, I am aware it's just my problem and I have AA and NA to talk to people about this.
Just venting, I know none of y'all can tell me whether I am in fact that terrible or it's just conjecture, so to speak. Also, making new friends isn't easy when you're awkward and unsure about anything. :/

Astro

Welcome! This is a good place to start forming new relationships, and if you continue going to AA/NA you're going to have a whole new group of friends. That's what recovery has been about for me, new people and new places. Looking back I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, I'm surrounded by people who give me mutual and unconditional love.

SoberinSyracuse

Hey, Snow. Wrong -- I CAN tell you whether you're worse/terrible. You're not, repeat NOT. I know your friends' disappearance hurts but try not to read things into it. I don't know you but I can PROMISE you were in no way "better" jacked up than you are sober. Nope. Not at all.

Change of any kind stresses people out and they will often withdraw -- some for a while, others permanently. I've lost friends when I married, when I divorced, when I embraced Christianity, when I changed careers and you bet your keester over not drinking. Heck, my favorite beau won't return my calls! They have a certain image of us, and when we change, they take the lazy road and withdraw rather than get to know the new us.

Here's what has helped me -- affirmations. Yep, affirmations. And if you read my other posts, you might notice I'm kind of a hard-core action-oriented person without much interest in touchy-feely stuff. But I do believe things happen for a reason and that when we take a step in the right direction, God/The Universe/Karma/Whatever will respond in kind. So, when I face personal rejection, I affirm to myself:

"I attract people who increase my greatness, and repel those who don't."

I believe deep down that nothing bad will happen as a result of kicking alcohol to the curb. Doesn't mean there will be no pain or disappointments, just that the things that unfold will prove to be for our greater good.

Just my two cents.

KM0816

I have to agree with SoberInSyracuse, "I attract people who increase my greatness, and repel those who don't." I love that idea. When I'm lonely I'm going to repeat it over and over in my head.
Snowfumes - take comfort in knowing that if the friends aren't in contact anymore, and you have already tried reaching out, maybe they weren't meant to be in your life now - but they made a difference then.
Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a short time, or a few years, to teach us something (good or bad), and then we are meant to move on.
I had to make this realization and let go of a couple relationships with what I thought were "life long" friends, I'd had since childhood - because we were triggering each other. We were in a way enabling each other to use, because we were "always there, no matter what." Sometimes, a true friend has to say, "No. I love you too much to watch you do this, or let you do this to me."
You have us as friends - and if you haven't already, go to an AA meeting. There are some wonderful people there who you can bond with!
Much love, Snowfumes!!