KM0816

So, I am what you may call a high-functioning drinker. I have a really good job, with really good pay, I get stuff done, and then go home and drink it up. Anyway, today, I got a raise. Wonderful news, right?!! YES. But, one problem. This kind of thing would be my excuse in my head to get LIT UP. Like, I wouldn't even feel bad about it, because I "have a reason to celebrate! Come on everyone! Let's go out and drink!!" It would mean dinner with drinks, shots, and then drinking more at home until I was curled in a ball on the couch, wondering if I was going to throw up - or just passed out. Then, get up at like 5 or 6am the next day to maybe go to work.
To add to the issue - I get to work from home tomorrow. SO, that would REALLY be an excuse to get LIT. At least I have told my husband already that I am not drinking. He said "I'm going to hold you to it." So, I know he would be disappointed if I drank tonight, and I really don't want to ruin this happy feeling by seeing his disappointed face.
Please give me the encouragement to keep this happiness alive, and not drink to "celebrate," when I know all that will do is make it worse!!

whathaveidone84

why are we programmed that good news makes us want to destroy ourselves....bad news also has the same effect - how about instead of destroying yourself you go celebrate by doing something healthy, id imagine youd feel twice as good when u realize youve gotten a raise, and youve done something healthy instead of reaching for a bottle!! seriously how good will you feel??? thats twice as much good news!!! youve got a handle on this ****, OWN IT!! congrats on the raise and you know you dont wana drink!!! go to the gym!! youll be so happy you did i promise you

KM0816

I already planned on going to the gym tonight after work, so I am going to KEEP that plan! I always feel so great after I make my fat cry and will not want to drink afterward. Thank you for just stating what I already knew I should do. Sometimes we have to be hit over the head with the obvious and do it! DANG.

whathaveidone84

haha im the same way bud - i duno wat it is about hearing it from someone else but it definately hits the idea home!! good luck pal and congrats again thats awesome!! keep us posted let us know how the gym goes!

least

Don't drink! No matter what! Drinking will only make things worse. Please stay sober.

sugarbear1

Did you hear about the lottery winner who just died from an Over Dose? True.

Why not take the difference in pay and keep investing it so you can't touch it until you are grounded in your sobriety?

KM0816

Thank you! I will definitely keep you all updated! That AV is really going crazy in my head right now. Just being at work is making me want to drink, even though it's a good day. It's f-ed up?! This AV is NO JOKE - and this is me at about 5 days in...

Nofearnobeer

KM, congrats on the raise!

Ruby2

Congrats on the raise. I second SugarBear, save the difference. Treat yourself to some ice cream. Or a nice dinner without alcohol. As alcoholics we use any reason whatsoever, good or bad, to justify the drinking. What would be your reaction if this had been a pay CUT instead of a pay raise? You'd want to drink, right?

Stay the course, stay sober.

MariahGayle

I've realized over the last couple years how much I looked at alcohol as a "reward" for accomplishments....working full time, responsible for paying the bills, signed kids up on time for soccor, baseball, wrestling, took them to practice, there for all the games, cleaned the house, laundry done, grocery shopping, nice balanced meals & that is how I rewarded myself except it quit being a reward. Do something nice for yourself & congratulations on the raise!!

KM0816

Yep! If it was a pay cut I'd almost feel MORE JUSTIFIED in drinking. I'd figure nobody would blame me. Strange how our brains work. Hard to believe not everyone thinks this way! Must be nice. To not have a brain that torments you.

Solarion

Just check your immediate surroundings (for grounding in the present), take a deep breath or two, and remember that you don't drink.

Congratulations on the raise, though! I also like that idea of investing the difference.

KM0816

I realize now that my original post sounds hella ungrateful. I want to clarify that I AM very grateful that I have been able to secure gainful employment, keep it, and even do well enough for a raise - all while struggling with this problem. I can say that the "problem" has actually been better this last year than in previous years, but that is mostly due to the fact that I have been giving more of myself to my family, and my child, so I haven't had as much time to indulge the urges that come to me so naturally.
It has been recently that I realized I was getting back into the old bad habits of drinking alone a lot, and doing it while I was home with my child, that I knew I had to do something to change.
Anyway, there is a lot behind all this, but ultimately I realize I need to just not drink, and everything else will be much easier. AND, I am free to celebrate this achievement, doing whatever I want, since I don't drink. :-)

On The Road

KM Ruby hit the nail on the head. I used every reason to justify my drinking: I felt good, or bad. Was happy, or sad. The sky was blue, or grey. Does this ring true for you, too? As for the raise - that's fantastic. I'd book a therapeutic massage at a spa this weekend. Learn how to treat yourself to healthy pleasures!

Water441

I can imagine the temptation. I got a raise and a good review last Tuesday which was 5 days into my 10 day binge - I was drunk at the office receiving the news. To me it meant - wow they still don't know. I then spent 3 days straight in bed drinking around the clock - throwing up over the side of my bed onto a towel and drinking again. I told work I had the flu. A place I love and that had just valued me. I woke up Saturday freaking out that they knew and I'd be fired. That soul eating anxiety is what destroys me. I worked all day Saturday and Sunday sending a lot of content out to deal with my backlog and decided to get sober for good. We'll see how it goes but I never want to feel that way (yet again)

I could totally see how this would feel like a validation that means you're still high functioning but it does catch up with you.

Thumpalumpacus

Congrats on the good news. Don't dilute it with bad news.

MissPerfumado

Congratulations on the raise KM. You don't sound ungrateful at all. You acknowledge you have a good job with good pay - and you are clearly good at it. That is wonderful.

Apart from your husband and child, the great job you're doing at work is in itself an excellent reason not to drink. Don't stuff it up now.

You (or more accurately your AV) may tell yourself it's just going to be a "few" drinks to celebrate, but we know that's not true. So you drink tonight, then have another big night on the weekend, then hey, you may as well keep going, and before long the 5 days you had sober will be just something you tried to do last January that didn't take.

There are countless ways to celebrate without drinking. What I would do is buy yourself a little something - nothing too extravagant, maybe a piece of stylish jewellery or an accessory you can wear to work. Every time you look at it or put it on, take a moment to smile and remind yourself that it's a symbol of your success and happiness.

Success and happiness that you are fortunate to have and are not going to throw away to the awful beast of alcohol.

Lance40

Congratulations on the raise. There's a term I learned at SR that I haven't seen used in a while: sobriety muscles. Situations such as this allow you to exercise them, and each time you successfully get through these situations you are a little bit stronger in your sobriety.

There are a lot of firsts in sobriety where the old go to was alcohol. For many of us these were about any kind of event or any kind of emotion. We drank to celebrate, we drank to mourn, we drank because we were happy and we drank because we were sad.

Getting through these situations the first time can be tough, but the good news is that next time you run into the situation it gets easier because you have the strength of your past success to get you through. In my experience you eventually reach a point where you're not triggered anymore, and after that you can go even farther (and you will get there) where you can't imagine any other way you'd rather experience something than through the lens of sobriety.

KM0816

I am happy to report I worked out, and heading home for a lovely dinner with my family. What I truly want to do. Truly in my heart I want to be present with my boys (DH, DS) and I have been half-there too many times. Why? I've been afraid of being disappointed? Being rejected? What? So I have instead disappointed myself on multiple occasions.
I still hear the AV, but for today I have won, I beat my f-ing AV. One day at a time.