KM0816

First off, DH is not an alcoholic. He can drink and stop after a couple, & rarely drinks anymore. But, we used to get drunk together in college, and well-after, until we had our child, and a couple times in the last year-out of habit, really.
But,my problem has come back in the last year, but he.hasn't said anything, because I haven't behaved terribly in a long time.
It's kinda like he gave up talking about it, like I was going to do it anyway.
So... Anyway, I am having trouble reconciling that he & I will never have those drinking nights again. Same with my friends.. But I of course know I am always the drunkest one, who wants to keep going till i pass out.
Idk what I'm asking, just needed to get these thoughts out.
Sadly, I'm nervous to talk to hubby about it, although I LOVE him so much. He's the one I've hurt the most, yet those good memories of drinking keep tricking my mind.

least

You have to make sobriety your first priority. It comes before anything else. It's sad saying goodbye to those "good times" but it's necessary for you to live a rewarding life.

Berrybean

If he doesn't drink much, chances are he might actually prefer you not so drunk.

I also thought I was kissing good bye to fun times. Admittedly, my idea of a fun night out has changed quite a bit. I will still visit a pub for a little while, but get bored just sitting there after a while, especially if everyone else is drunk or well on their way to it. I can't believe how many hours on end I'd sit there. Nothing much ever happened, but the alcohol gave that feeling of expectation that it would. Soon. Maybe after one more drink.

If you hubby doesn't drink much, I bet he'll be open to new ideas of places to go and things to do for fun together. Just speak to him. If you let this become the elephant in the room, the whole subject will just build up as a big ball of fear, and probably over nothing at all.

Nonsensical

You have a lot of life left. Make better memories.

KM0816

Thank you - Y'all are right. I really like the quote "You have more life to live. Make better memories." I keep remembering that when I was pregnant, during 2014, I had some of the happiest times, and used to think all the time how I loved the sober feeling (after I got past the morning sickness, of course. Morning sickness felt very similar to a hangover for me). Anyway, I know my husband would like me sober as he has told me he just doesn't like me when I get really drunk. Literally, "I don't like you when you are like that. You are really annoying, and sometimes mean."

The worst was when I was taking meds for ADD and drinking - I had the stimulants mixed with the depressants and it was BAD NEWS BEARS. That was when I would get really DRANGRY - Drunk and Angry. I do NOT miss those times.

Soberwolf

Them good memories led you get sober for a reason please don't romanticise alcohol your AV is active & it will tell you lies all day long till nothing is left

If drinking hurt your husband the most that tells you all you need to know about good memories

Sorry if I sound harsh but watch out for your AV

FormerWineGirl

We tend to look at the occasional fun times with fond memories, but forget about the problems it caused, or how miserable we became. I went through the same emotions when I quit drinking, looking back at trips with my friends, etc. However, I started looking at it much more realistically. What percentage of my total drinking time was spent having a fun, memorable time with friends, mate, etc. compared to my total drinking time, mostly alone? Probably less than 1% good times and 99% just feeding the beast.

Shantilove

I can relate. My husband and I would always drink together, of course I always took it too far and never wanted to stop. I do miss those times, but 90% of them ended badly because I would pick drunk fights. I'm certain my husband doesn't miss those times like I do. I'm trying to view it as a progression in our relationship, those days of drinking are gone now and we're moving onto the next phase of our relationship, just like many relationships evolve and habits change. Try to make new habits and hobbies you can do together that don't involve drinking, that's my plan at the moment. It's hard but I think after time and effort once new routines are established for some time it will seem normal.

Anna

Sometimes it's hard to let go of the good memories of drinking, even though they may have been far outnumbered by bad memories. This is how alcoholism can keep us in its grip when we know logically it's not good for us. One thing I started doing when I stopped drinking was taking long walks and usually my husband would come with me. The benefits from the walking and talking together have been enormous.

MelindaFlowers

My guy and I used to be drinking buddies. We used to sit on the porch and drink, talk, and laugh for hours. He is not an alcoholic though. He can truly (still baffles me) drink a few beers, toss the cans in the recycle bin, and go to bed. I would continue drinking after he went to bed. Even during the few hours we were drinking together, I drank about three times as much as he did. I would refill in the kitchen without him knowing. I also hid alcohol so he wouldn't know how much I was actually drinking.

In our drinking buddy days, he would drink three beers. I would drink 12.
He would wake up totally normal. I'd wake up totally hungover.
It was never a balance.

I could write another paragraph about the blackouts but we all can fill in those details.

If I were to say that I missed the "fun" of drinking together, I'd be omitting the blackouts, arguments, hangovers, spending tons of money, hiding alcohol, daily massive hangovers, and my personal favorite: when I was diagnosed with a serious health problem directly caused by drinking heavily every night.

So what's the trade off? Let's see.....continue my drinking buddy times or live a happy and productive life.

I couldn't have both.

GnikNus

Has your health diagnosis improved after a year and a half of sobriety?