Hi Guys
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Monmouth, OR
Posts: 4
Hi Guys
My name is don't know if I should post that, just call me KC. This last Saturday I drank an entire fifth of fireball, and it was the first time I blanked out. Luckily I was at home! I used to swear I would never drink, well about two years ago I started, slowly, but it progressed. Sometimes I would realize I was getting a problem and would stop for a few weeks, then slowly I'd start again, a beer a night, a jager bomb in the morning. I started going out to a line dance bar and drinking every night, it wasn't until I had my first real hangover on July 4th 2014 that I actually stopped for about a month to two months, it also happens that on July 5th I met my wife at the same place.
Well fast forward several months my now wife then girlfriend are at a party where cops show up she and I leave, I back up 3 feet and get arrested for a DUII, now I just recently finished the states diversion program and all charges have been dropped. Still during that time I was drinking, wasn't drinking and driving because of the IID in my car. About two months ago, I had one of my realizations that I was drinking to much, so I was sober for 45 days. Well during the holidays my boss gave me a fifth of my favorite stuff Jager, and I had 4 days off so I preceded to drink, a lot. At first I told myself I'd stop after what my boss gave me, well I didn't. Every night for almost a month it's been non stop until last Friday (e.g. I didn't drink Saturday or Sunday) I'm now going to admit I'm an alcoholic, and I need help and support.
Also my Dad drank regularly up until he was 20. Both sides of my family have regular drinkers going back generations, as well I have depression which I'm on medication for, I have ADD, and right now I feel really depressed. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry.
Well fast forward several months my now wife then girlfriend are at a party where cops show up she and I leave, I back up 3 feet and get arrested for a DUII, now I just recently finished the states diversion program and all charges have been dropped. Still during that time I was drinking, wasn't drinking and driving because of the IID in my car. About two months ago, I had one of my realizations that I was drinking to much, so I was sober for 45 days. Well during the holidays my boss gave me a fifth of my favorite stuff Jager, and I had 4 days off so I preceded to drink, a lot. At first I told myself I'd stop after what my boss gave me, well I didn't. Every night for almost a month it's been non stop until last Friday (e.g. I didn't drink Saturday or Sunday) I'm now going to admit I'm an alcoholic, and I need help and support.
Also my Dad drank regularly up until he was 20. Both sides of my family have regular drinkers going back generations, as well I have depression which I'm on medication for, I have ADD, and right now I feel really depressed. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
I hope that accept that you need to stop drinking forever. Alcohol is causing big problems in your life and it's fooling you into believing you have some semblance of control. But, you don't and, as you said you can't stop drinking once your start. That was my problem too. It was such a relief to finally just stop drinking for good.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
When I made a decision to step out of the problem and into the solution my life changed for the better quickly. You too can find that freedom that comes with sobriety.
We've all been were you are now - a feeling of anxiety and fear. You are not alone.
Welcome to the other side of the nightmare, glad you found SR
What's your next step?
We've all been were you are now - a feeling of anxiety and fear. You are not alone.
Welcome to the other side of the nightmare, glad you found SR
What's your next step?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Monmouth, OR
Posts: 4
That's a great question, I'm trying to find counseling nearby to address my underlying issues, my Mom and Dad are texting me constantly keeping me accountable. For me dealing with the depression and boredom is the hardest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Monmouth, OR
Posts: 4
Update
Hey Everyone quick update from me. I didn't drink yesterday, wasn't tempted to at all, found the thought of alcohol to be disgusting. In the morning my depression was really hard, just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. At night the depression started getting hard again, wife was listening to sad music, which made me think about all the things I won't get again, my cat, my dog, school, etc...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Monmouth, OR
Posts: 4
So here's another update, these little updates are helping me. Last night I started to get depressed again as night time approaches. My wife and I are watching Legend of the Seeker, which reminds me of a not so great time in my life (parents divorce, death of cat) I do enjoy the books though. I'm realizing that the depression at night is because I don't have enough to do e.g. my boredom, and enough to occupy my mind.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Depression sure sucks huh? Im on meds for it as well.
Best thing for me is to keep busy. Dont let your mind get to that point where it thinks of all the bad things that can happen. Live your life in fear and you arent living your life. Working out, lifting weights, walking/jogging, biking all really helps me a lot.
Best thing for me is to keep busy. Dont let your mind get to that point where it thinks of all the bad things that can happen. Live your life in fear and you arent living your life. Working out, lifting weights, walking/jogging, biking all really helps me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
Hi.
I was in the group chat last night (highly recommend it to anyone who can get there - it's 2am UK time but I'm signed off work so could stay up). The topic was forgiving yourself.
I may be wrong but that doesn't sound like an issue here but the reason I mention it is because over and over people used the phrase "I'm learning to .....".
That really bought home to me that making a decision to not drink isn't the be all and end all. To achieve that we need to learn - whether it be coping mechanisms, reasons why we drink etc. At the end of the day we have to learn to deal with it and - although my education is in the dim and distant past- learning takes effort on behalf of the student.
It sounds like you are doing exactly that and are therefore an inspiration to those of us still struggling to make that effort.
BTW, sounds like you have your parents behind you as well as your wife. Awesome!!!
I was in the group chat last night (highly recommend it to anyone who can get there - it's 2am UK time but I'm signed off work so could stay up). The topic was forgiving yourself.
I may be wrong but that doesn't sound like an issue here but the reason I mention it is because over and over people used the phrase "I'm learning to .....".
That really bought home to me that making a decision to not drink isn't the be all and end all. To achieve that we need to learn - whether it be coping mechanisms, reasons why we drink etc. At the end of the day we have to learn to deal with it and - although my education is in the dim and distant past- learning takes effort on behalf of the student.
It sounds like you are doing exactly that and are therefore an inspiration to those of us still struggling to make that effort.
BTW, sounds like you have your parents behind you as well as your wife. Awesome!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: QLD
Posts: 19
Hi kc5397,
I understand being in limbo wether your ready to commit to being sober.
I cant count how many times, I've jumped on the net done quizzes (not saying these are a definite determiner) but when you answer yes to every question, it may be. Then I might cut down for a few weeks, still drink regulary, although I always have an excuse to drink, "its my weekend" (shift worker), "I had a bad day", " I just need to relax", "Everyone else does it". etc
Then I realised if I keep coming back to the same point where I think its a problem, and one day I say I'm an alcoholic, the other alcohol dependent. Whats the difference? I don't know, I think I just try to define it in different ways, to justify having a drink.
Then Ill compare myself to the general population, and there is very much a drinking culture. So their is another justification for me to drink.
I'm only starting this journey, although I have and I think you have admitted to the fact you need to change something despite terminology and definitions.
I was talking to a friend last night, I live away from home and she says she drinks for boredom. I think I drink to escape. I feel quite eurphoric, I'm an excitable drunk, until I've been up for hours, then the tears come out.
Recently, prior to my decision to at least abstain for a year, I started to try and work out what I like.... previously I had no hobbies. Drinking was my hobbie.
I find things that keep your hands busy.....well works for me.
Started macramé, making cement pots, even bought a mitre saw. Don't know how to use it, but I have all the time in the world now, if I'm not wasting time drinking. I also bought a book on mindfulness. Who knows, maybe none of this will help. And I'm in no position to offer advice, as this is a learning curve for me. But maybe try and find some other interest than reading to supplement your boredom. I also find hiking great, there is no room or place for alcohol when your walking 20km/day with a 20kg pack.
I understand being in limbo wether your ready to commit to being sober.
I cant count how many times, I've jumped on the net done quizzes (not saying these are a definite determiner) but when you answer yes to every question, it may be. Then I might cut down for a few weeks, still drink regulary, although I always have an excuse to drink, "its my weekend" (shift worker), "I had a bad day", " I just need to relax", "Everyone else does it". etc
Then I realised if I keep coming back to the same point where I think its a problem, and one day I say I'm an alcoholic, the other alcohol dependent. Whats the difference? I don't know, I think I just try to define it in different ways, to justify having a drink.
Then Ill compare myself to the general population, and there is very much a drinking culture. So their is another justification for me to drink.
I'm only starting this journey, although I have and I think you have admitted to the fact you need to change something despite terminology and definitions.
I was talking to a friend last night, I live away from home and she says she drinks for boredom. I think I drink to escape. I feel quite eurphoric, I'm an excitable drunk, until I've been up for hours, then the tears come out.
Recently, prior to my decision to at least abstain for a year, I started to try and work out what I like.... previously I had no hobbies. Drinking was my hobbie.
I find things that keep your hands busy.....well works for me.
Started macramé, making cement pots, even bought a mitre saw. Don't know how to use it, but I have all the time in the world now, if I'm not wasting time drinking. I also bought a book on mindfulness. Who knows, maybe none of this will help. And I'm in no position to offer advice, as this is a learning curve for me. But maybe try and find some other interest than reading to supplement your boredom. I also find hiking great, there is no room or place for alcohol when your walking 20km/day with a 20kg pack.
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